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Today marks 28 years I was married to my husband. Our vows say " for as long as you both shall live ". He died. But I am still alive. And I still feel married to him. Our physical connection may be gone but our hearts are still connected.

I love you Michael!

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It would have been 39 years for us at the end of May.  The "celebration" of life was to have been on her birthday in March, but we cancelled/postponed because of Covid.  My adult kids and I went for a nice hike and then dinner instead, and I got through the day more or less okay.  For our anniversary in recent years we had a quiet day with just the two of us at our fairly remote cabin.  Covid permitting, I may be there on my own on the anniversary.  If so, I'll probably try to do something like a nice brunch and going for a paddle that we liked to do together.  OTOH, maybe I should plan something like the hike/dinner with kids rather than being alone at the cabin.  I'm not sure.  Maybe the travel restrictions will decide for me anyway.

I still feel very connected to her, and miss her every day, but somehow not still married.  Maybe it's all the legal stuff, like getting a new health card with her name deleted, or seeing "widowed" as my marital status on bank paperwork they had me sign.  Maybe it's the total lack of physical contact with anyone, even with my kids, is shocking me out of the married feeling.  I dunno.

Assuming this is your first anniversary alone, please let me know how you get through it - what does or doesn't help.  Also anyone else with thoughts on the subject.


The  only thing  that  works  for  the  first  or  any  anniversary  for  me  is   time...passing...  because  there  is  no  going  back  and  there  is  no  jumping  ahead  and  avoiding  or  hurrying  the  pain  of  loss  and  the  grief  that  accompanies it.  It  does  not  get better  or  worse  ( for  me)  but  it  does  change.  Keeping  busy  and  not  overthinking about  it  does  help  after  you  accept  the  reality  that  death  is a part  of  the  life cycle-even  when  we  believe  it  is  unjust, unfair and not  understandable.  It too  will  pass.   Follow  your  heart  and  be kind  to  yourself. 

Thank you

This will be my first anniversary without him. Tomorrow marks nine months since he died. I just got a job cashiering at a supermarket so I am hoping it will distract me. I live in NJ so our Covid rules are very strict. No going anywhere expect for essential shopping.

@Alma: Hugs.

@ Estragon: The legal stuff is a bear, as is dealing with life insurance and Social Security. I don't recommend doing it all in one day.

The "W" designation is overlooked by most people, so you may have to let things slide in some circumstances.


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