Today marks 28 years I was married to my husband. Our vows say " for as long as you both shall live ". He died. But I am still alive. And I still feel married to him. Our physical connection may be gone but our hearts are still connected.
I love you Michael!
It would have been 39 years for us at the end of May. The "celebration" of life was to have been on her birthday in March, but we cancelled/postponed because of Covid. My adult kids and I went for a nice hike and then dinner instead, and I got through the day more or less okay. For our anniversary in recent years we had a quiet day with just the two of us at our fairly remote cabin. Covid permitting, I may be there on my own on the anniversary. If so, I'll probably try to do something like a nice brunch and going for a paddle that we liked to do together. OTOH, maybe I should plan something like the hike/dinner with kids rather than being alone at the cabin. I'm not sure. Maybe the travel restrictions will decide for me anyway.
I still feel very connected to her, and miss her every day, but somehow not still married. Maybe it's all the legal stuff, like getting a new health card with her name deleted, or seeing "widowed" as my marital status on bank paperwork they had me sign. Maybe it's the total lack of physical contact with anyone, even with my kids, is shocking me out of the married feeling. I dunno.
Assuming this is your first anniversary alone, please let me know how you get through it - what does or doesn't help. Also anyone else with thoughts on the subject.
The only thing that works for the first or any anniversary for me is time...passing... because there is no going back and there is no jumping ahead and avoiding or hurrying the pain of loss and the grief that accompanies it. It does not get better or worse ( for me) but it does change. Keeping busy and not overthinking about it does help after you accept the reality that death is a part of the life cycle-even when we believe it is unjust, unfair and not understandable. It too will pass. Follow your heart and be kind to yourself.
This will be my first anniversary without him. Tomorrow marks nine months since he died. I just got a job cashiering at a supermarket so I am hoping it will distract me. I live in NJ so our Covid rules are very strict. No going anywhere expect for essential shopping.
@ Estragon: The legal stuff is a bear, as is dealing with life insurance and Social Security. I don't recommend doing it all in one day.
The "W" designation is overlooked by most people, so you may have to let things slide in some circumstances.