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Its been 18 months since I lost my husband and I have no children or family. A half brother 12 years older. No friends. Only work friends. I don't get out of pjs on most weekends. We did everything together. Tried counseling. Crazy but it seems to bring me down more. Support groups in my area are all during the day when I am working and everyone in them is older than I am. Please help

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Hi tjmac,

I'm glad you found this forum. Ifind online friends helpful and comforting, just to know others understand the debilitating pain of loss. 

What do you like to do outside of work?  Do you have friendly neighbors?  Sometimes helping others is a good way to look beyond our own pain. It's very difficult to dig out of overwhelming grief. We are all doing it one day or one moment at a time. We have ok days and we have bad days. But not a day goes by without a ton of memories of our loved one.  We just have to try our best to live productively while grieving. It's hard but you can do it. Keep talking. 

Nicki

I wasn't able to find any in-person local support groups either, but I can tell you that connecting with others on-line here in Widowed Village surely saved me.  Keep talking in your groups. Share your story, your fears and concerns.Make those connections.  I was amazed at how strong on-line connections can turn out to be. Many have become life-long friends who I've been able to meet in person.

Not sure how far away you are from the Cleveland area, but we do have a brand new group there. They have a meet this Saturday evening in Mayfield Village.  Here's a link to the event post:  http://widowedvillage.org/events/soaring-spirits-regional-event-in-...    Diane Stricker is our Cleveland group leader and you can reach her at [email protected]

It's hard to find groups to talk to, take it from a widower in his 20's. Always willing to offer an ear or advice from where your coming from
I hate to seem like a pessimist, but I can't live my life hanging on to Facebook and people online hours away. My house feels UN-used and not lived in. everything in my life is empty, sometimes Facebook and all of these support sites are a smack in the face, that you have no one to share your day with. Certainly one does not get over that and I think it only makes it worse. I get very bitter reading about peoples family, and experiences, and how they would not have made it through without kids, friends, sisters, parents, etc. it makes me feel more alone. Literally, I get off work on Friday, and sometimes don't utter a single word until Monday. Texting and online support doors not cure that. It only reiterates what you already feel. You are humanly Alone.

I can't believe I feel the exact same way as you!!  I get bitter also (and I don't want to!) reading about people's families and friends and how they helped them through this!  My family does not help me.  I really don't know what to do.....  Perhaps we could talk?

Beth

I know it's so hard to even get up the energy to take care of yourself, but you might think about finding a different counselor/therapist. The first one I went to was clueless! Can you volunteer anywhere? That might at least put something on your calendar for the weekends. Or maybe just set a goal to go out for a walk, getting myself a little physical activity helped. The only thing that saved me from some pajama weekends was I had to take care of my dogs. It's so, so hard. Take care.

I really wish I had some miracle I could share with you, but I am still trying to find it.  I am on the other end though, I don't want to talk to people in person any more.  I hope you find some peace, even if it is online.

What does everyone do with all this time and emptiness?

Hi tjmac, I'm about 18 months also, a bit more but not 2 years.

I had incredible inertia in the beginning. I just could not move or do anything! Things are getting better. I work every day as well and don't want to go out at night (I have an old dog that needs me then too). I am beginning to fill up weekends with activities like church (I started going to a UU just about a year ago), meeting with a small group of widows (we've been together just over a year), and another group of women.

Believe it or not, sometimes it is too busy! Something got cancelled this Saturday so I now have a day to get the chores done. Yard work has been hard - not physically but emotionally as I used to do it all with Ed. My solution has been to call on a friend who helps me do some of the heavier stuff. It has been just so nice to have someone to do this stuff with. Sometimes we aren't even talking.

He is much younger than I am so it really is a friendship. He was a great friend of Ed's and he has continued that with me. Unlike some others - but I won't go there.

Anyway, point of this long ramble is I do struggle with the loneliness and emptiness but I strive to fill it up, even if it's just going to church during the weekend. To get out of the house and be with people is so important.

Hope your days get better - it is hard.

Im young. Bingo and senior singles are out of the question.

I do a lot of random driving around.  Sometimes I drink too much.  Most days I just wait it out until I can go to sleep.  I'm still not sure what to do with my time.  I guess I need a hobby, but I just can't find the energy to invest in a hobby.  I wish I had a better answer.

Hi tjmac.  I know what you mean about the loneliness.  It has been almost 8 months since my husband died, and I tried counseling in the beginning also.  Like you, it just seemed to bring me down. I live on 8 acres in the country and my closest neighbors are 3 to 4 miles away.  I work 86 miles from where I live and my commute is 1.5 hrs. each way.  So, once I leave work, save for my two dogs, who have been lifesavers for me, I spend most of my time alone.  It is ok for me though because I was a loner before my husband and I started dating, so it's a return to the status quo for me.  I've always taken advantage of cultural events in the area, farmer's markets, workout classes and church.  These are all ways that I interact with others.  

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