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Hello, my name is Kim. I lost my loving husband to stage iv kidney cancer May 2, 2017. We were married 15 years. Our 16th wedding anniversary would have been 08/16/17. Everything happened so quickly. He was given Pallative care and 6 months to live he made it 4. I honored his wishes and he passed at home. My daughter and I were the primary caregiver. Hospice was in but only 2x's a week for 10 minutes.

I am here as I need hope, help and suggestions on what others are doing to get through the first year of firsts. I am basically a new empty nester and loss of spouse. The grief is so intense, heartache.

thank you.

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Adoption, I'm sorry to hear. Know that you've come to a good place.
I will be 11 weeks out this coming Monday. My wife passed July 3rd after a six-month battle with cancer. My first 9 weeks was jam-packed with emotion, fear, loneliness. The "what am I going to do now ?" was super charged.
About a week and a half ago I hit a very Placid state. Next to no emotion.
I don't understand it but I am taking full advantage of the emotional downtime. For me it is a good time to be coordinating things, organizing, etc.
Try to take advantage of the good moments. Find something positive that you can put on your to do list so that when you are having some downtime from the emotion, move forward!
Be strong, our spouses would have wanted that!

Hi There,

You are new to this as well.  You are correct our spouses would want us to keep going.  I know for sure Jack does. I know all the emotions you are going through.  Your wife's cancer went quick as well.  I don't we had enough time to take it all in.

So much can be said....
Kim,
I am so sorry for your loss, I know it is so heartbreaking. Regretfully, there is really no way around the awful pain. We have to feel it for a while but I can tell you, the intensity does ease with time.

The firsts are the hardest but sometimes the anticipation can be worse. You will get through them, one at a time. We survive. Some people may make special plans for these days, whether that would be helpful to you, I don't know. You could start a blog here to let those feelings out, some find that helpful. It is important to allow these emotions to flow so that you can heal. Grieving is not easy and we understand that here!

I think you will find this format a positive thing, there are some really nice people here, so very understanding. It has been several years since my husband passed, but you know I can clearly remember being exactly where you are now. A few words of encouragement--as you pass through this darkness, remember there will come a time when you will find your peace and learn to be happy again. It may be a different happy, but still good. We get there by taking one step at a time.(even baby steps as many have described here) Sending to you a "warm hug".

I am really sorry (You probably hear that a lot, everyone is sorry) 

It is overwhelming those first few months-I don't need to tell you that. Do you have family? Friends and family members can be very helpful, they can't take the pain away but they can support you as it comes in waves. 

For me, its been almost 8 months, it still hurts. Some days are easier but then I come across an old photograph of us together that I'd forgotten all about and the wound splits open, again.

There are days when you will laugh again, and start to feel how shall I say, like a person again. I will omit words such as "whole" "complete" "renewed" because I honestly don't know if, or when I, or others will feel that again.

What helps me a lot to help others who are in pain, it gets me out of "me" so to speak. It helps me realize I am not the only person hurting on the planet, there are others who have lost loved ones and are suffering. 

I'm not telling you what to do, this is what helps me. I need to interact with others, but then get rest and spend time alone. Alone, that is the challenge, getting used to that.

You and my daughter are in my thoughts and prayers (if you don't mind me praying for you). 

Thank you for the kind words.  Yes you may pray for me.  Much appreciated. 

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