I lost my wife in early March to metastatic breast cancer which spread to her brain. Fortunately I was with her up until she died but we had to limit numbers to her funeral due to Covid19. I have two daughters who I haven't seen since the funeral due to our lockdown restrictions.
I am in the process of selling our home and moving somewhere new and trying to restart my life on my own.
The silence everday is horrible.
Thanks for your kind words John. Are you still on your own after 10 years? I really don't fancy the idea of spending the rest of my life on my own but I feel that will be the reality.
Yes, I am still alone, Scotty. I have dated--something anathema to many folks here--but nothing ever came of it. I think most people would see that as a "trend". :-) [The reality is that everyone has his/her own shopping list of desirable attributes, so women rejected me about as much/often as I rejected them--although having a bid red "W" on one's forehead seems to be a greater detriment than having a big red "D" there.] I also looked for work in other cities, figuring that I would start fresh elsewhere..and failed in that endeavor as well. [If nothing else, I am consistent. :-) ] In the Plus Column, my house is paid off, and I'm a few years away from retirement. Further in the Plus Column, I'm now 63.333, so I don't have to put up with this situation for another forty (or even possibly thirty) years. Twenty years...well, that's another matter entirely. My Mom died at 84 and my Dad is still going strong at 86--two years after being widowed himself. Even my Dad sees the reversed parent-child relationship, since he comes to me for advice on how to be a widower. That may well be the point of my continued existence.
Scotty, I am so very sorry to hear about your wife. You have a lot going on. For now it may be of help to redirect your thoughts to the tasks at hand.
Take care and good luck with your relocation. I hope it goes as smoothly as can be expected.
The idea of moving has been put on hold until I sell my current flat and I have more choices and a better idea of what I really want to do with the rest of my life.
So sorry, not a club any of us wanted to join. I lost my husband 11-15-2019 and the silence is still deafening. I did consider it a milestone when I stopped counting days - went to weeks and now to months. The quarantine seems to have added an extra layer of craziness. Friends and family are all great and they try to help, but some days I feel like my dog is my closest companion. She listens carefully and her soft snoring helps me get to sleep at night. Of course, still waking up about 2:00 to re-think and agonize over stuff that I can't change. Take care.
Scotty, so sorry for your recent loss. Yes, we are all familiar with the silence. Hard to get used to but we do eventually adapt to it. I think it was the first few years that I spoke to him anyway. We were always jabbering when we were together so that is something I truly missed. Still do.
One of the most painful things that I recall (besides his sudden passing) was that I thought that on that horrible day, our love ended. I thought about this for a while then thought no, I still feel love for him and the love he had for me. That feeling does not have to end or go away. It becomes part of us, engraved upon our soul. You can start anew and begin a new life but that is something you take along.
Be patient, grieving is a process that takes time and a lot of emotion. We kind of have to find our own way through it. Getting to know who we are now and what our needs for the future might be may be surprising. I didn’t know if I could be content to be alone but I know now, I am OK with it. The first few years were really tough, I’m not going to lie, I suffered with “widows brain”. That’s the inability to think clearly or make the best decisions. So, I dealt with problems by focusing on one thing at a time and referring to them as challenges. Sounds crazy, I know, but that worked for me.
Sincerely hope your grief journey is a short one and that peace finds you soon. There is a lot we can learn from it. Memories will become consoling instead of sad.
I understand the silence. It is overwhelming at times. My husband passed away in late March. I was forced to move out within a month of his passing. Sometimes I am grateful I am not surrounded by all those memories, but at times I yearn for the warmth of that house that became our home. Nights are the worse. Going to sleep alone is hard. Waking up from a nightmare and having no one to talk it out is dreadful. Sometimes, I do have positive days where I see a glimpse of what I used to be, but that silence...is too much. Music doesn’t help, it makes me cry. Watching tv is not fun anymore without him. We did everything together. Every morning I wake up missing him. Every night I cry myself to sleep. I wish this to stop. This is not me, but now I know that the old me won’t come back. It’s time to find a new me. That’s where Im stuck. I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom. All I can say is take it one day at a time. Some days will be livable. Enjoy them, don’t feel guilty about it. I used to, not anymore. My children don’t speak to me either. They have their own lives and after almost four months, they don’t want to hear about my grief anymore, so in a way is a blessing. Let them be, they will reach out when they feel they can handle this new you. I have a good ear, so if you want to chat message me. I will never get tired of hearing because I know I need that too and it feels good to talk to someone that understands your pain. One day at a time, don’t rush. Everyone grieves differently. But we all are untitled by pain.
I lost my significant other of 35 years in Jan 2020. I understand completely. The silence is awful.
Today, I joined the zoom meeting for the first time. Dianne and Jenny were moderators. I was approved yesterday, July 10. I am new and so happy to connect with this community who is feeling and walking this journey. The silence is isolating... ty for starting this conversation. I was doing well this morning and this afternoon, it was difficult to concentrate...lol.
Tommorow, I will attempt to scrub my 1 y/o fence! I will Try...lol.
Ty for sharing, I'm sorry for your loss. Let us know how the process of selling your house is going.