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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

As my subject line states, I am new to this. I have never taken part in any type of blog, but I am in pain and need help. Someone in my bereavement group recommended this site so I decided to give it a try. I have read some of the comments and it seems most of us are in the same boat.

My husband passed away six months ago. We were only together for ten years and they were such wonderful years. He was my world,I was his, and I am lost without him. Some days are better than others but none of them are good. I wake each morning and see that empty side of the bed and the emotional roller coaster starts up again. I have friends and family members who have been supportive, but none of them have suffered this type loss and really cannot understand what I am feeling. I guess what I am expecting from this website is a place to log my thoughts and hopefully obtain advice and empathy from others who are also grieving.

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Hi Deana, and welcome to WV. So very sorry for your recent loss. Yes, we all understand just what you're feeling. It is so painful, there doesn't seem to be any relief in sight the first years. All I can say is you will be okay in time, but grieving is necessary in order for us to heal. It varies in time length for everyone so be patient with yourself and allow the tears to flow. This is an excellent site for airing those feelings amongst others traveling the grief journey. There are people here just beginning and others whose losses go back a few years. I hope you also look into groups--that would be those close to your age and may find things in common. I'm sure you will find some new friends here. Hugs to you!
Callie2, thanks very much for your kind words of encouragement. People keep telling me things will get better, and I truly believe that in time they will. My wound is just still so fresh and the pain is beyond comprehension.

I have actually looked into groups in my area and even signed up for a couple of Meetup events. When the event date arrived I could not drag myself out of the house to attend. Hopefully that will change one day soon and I will be able to participate in something other than my own pity party.
Hi Deana, I lost my husband 7 months (almost) ago. I find going out exhausting unless it is with a few "safe" friends who understand because they too have lost their husbands. They are further along in the journey and it gives me hope that one day I might find a new normal. For now I just try and get through each day. Be kind to yourself!
Deanna, I understand how going out can bring anxiety. It takes every ounce of energy just to do the necessary things and get through the day. Like many will tell you, be kind to yourself. In time, you might want to try again. Some people have the need to be around others, I was not one. Take all the time you need, you'll know when it's right for you. Grief is not a pity party--you have suffered a devastating loss. It takes time to process and each person is different. It takes as long as it takes requiring us to have a lot of patience with ourselves. Wishing there was a shortcut but unfortunately, we need to do this in order to heal. The first year is rough but soon you will see some small steps of progress. Maybe journaling would be helpful too.

Hi Deana - I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm new to WV too.   I lost my husband 21 months ago but this is the first time I've felt strong enough to share. . . 

 My husband and I were together 20 years, but only married 10 of them.  He was my world too and I also feel so very lost without him.  People say time heals and maybe it does.   So far though, what I've found is that it dulls the pain a little.  And I have learned to smile and act 'normal'.  But I don't feel normal at all.  I just feel empty and strangely expectant.   Even after all this time - I feel like I'm still waiting for him to come back.  Isn't that crazy?  In my mind, I know he's not.   Yet I can't stop feeling like I'm in a holding pattern -  forever waiting.  I have his pictures everywhere and in my mind I constantly talk to him throughout the day hoping that he can hear me or feel me somehow.  And maybe that's not the healthiest thing, but I don't know when I'll ever be ready to NOT have his pictures where I can see them all the time.   It just seems impossible to let him go.  And I don't want to let him go because, how do you let go of the love of your life?  

 

Hope, I don't think you have to take your photos down if they bring you comfort. 21 months is still such a short time for such a huge loss.

Thanks Flower.  It's comforting to know somebody else understands the depth of loss and doesn't judge.  

Hi Hope,

I'm 2 1/2 years out and I have pics all around my office and at home -- and I have a little "shrine" at home with a nice photo and some favorite and memory-evoking objects.

When my Dad remarried after my Mom's death, he and my stepmother designated a bookshelf for pictures of their (very beloved) late spouses, so sweet.

Just do what feels right and best for you.If you've turned the entire house into a shrine/mausoleum, then maybe be a little worried. Otherwise, fuggeddaboutit.

Hi Widow85 -  thanks so much for your reply about my hubby's pictures.  It really does bring me comfort to be able to see him!  I haven't gone crazy with the photos, only a few strategic places where I frequent.  I know I'll never forget his face or his smile.  

Hi Deana, I'm saddened that you had to find this site and all of us, but hopefully you'll feel at home here. I am also very new here, only a few days at this site and only 39 days since my wife of 35 years died. But I have found comfort with the folks here and an open arms welcome from everyone with whom I've interacted. I'd love to offer you some worldly wisdom but I have no idea what I'm doing, either.

Post often, about anything. There is no judgement here ... 

Hello Pointbass, I am saddened by your loss as well. I remember how painful the first few weeks after my husbnd's death were and my heart just aches for you. Thirty-five years with someone is a long time. I had only a fraction of that time with my beloved husband and I cannot imagine how much pain you are suffering. Hopefully we can all find some peace with time and the support of others.

Deana1950, I understand. I am at a year in 5 days and its still hard. Mornings are the hardest, then I kind of rally in the afternoon to get things done. I look to find outlets that are interesting and spend time with friends and family but it doesn't fix the hole in my heart. I think this process takes a lot longer than I expected. I hurt for you. I was with my husband 35 years and we had a deep and abiding loving relationship. May you find a little comfort in knowing that you are not alone. I find that a combination of rest and downtime and then being active for a while is a balancing act. I don't know your circumstances but I think I know a little bit about how you feel.

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