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Hello everyone,

I became widowed on 4/15/2020.  My husband and I spent the day together, me working from home due to COVID and he was furloughed for the same reason.  After work, I cooked dinner.  We ate together, watched some of our favorite shows and played with our dogs.  We went to be at around 9pm.  We were kissing when he suddenly stopped and sat up on the side of the bed.  I asked him what was wrong.....no answer.  I asked "are you okay" and his response was "I don't know".  He then fell backwards on the bed.  I ran downstairs to get my cell phone and call 911.  I started CPR and worked on him until paramedics arrived.  They worked on him for nearly an hour.  I was standing in my driveway with neighbors when the paramedics came to me and said they had to stop CPR.  My entire world fell apart at that moment.  I fell to the ground completely distraught.  I am 46 and he was only 53.  He had no prior indications of heart problems so this was a complete shock!

Fast forward to nearly 4 months later.  I no longer cry all day everyday.  However, I do cry everyday at some point.  I am still working from home which is probably a good thing.  My anxiety about going out by myself is diminishing, though not completely gone.  I am amazed at how much anxiety I was having just going to the grocery store.  I have never had issues with anxiety in the past.  But this has turned my life upside down.  I'm trying to find some part of myself prior to this horrific tragedy and trauma.  I find that I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends about this as much because they just don't know what to say or how to help me, not that they can.  I thought it would be best for me to reach out to others who are going through the same thing.  So, here I am.  Not a group that I ever wished to be a part of but so happy I found it.

Thanks for reading!

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Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you have to be here. I would like to suggest you repost this in the Introduce yourself thread. Many people have that thread on notifications so you will get a lot more responses in it.

Oh, I should do that.  Thanks for the tip!

You are most welcome. I also want you to know I got a notification of your post in the Introduce yourself thread.  Others will respond soon. Also, if you haven't done so yet check out the groups. There is one for suddenly widowed that tends to be a little more active than this general forum.

Welcome to the group and I am very sorry for your loss.  My husband passed on April 18, 2020 suddenly of a  brain aneurysm.  I am going through similar feelings to you.  Please try the newly widowed zoom call on Tuesdays.  It has helped me during the fast few months listening and talking to others in the same situation.  Stay strong and I hope today is a better day for you.  Laurie

I am so sorry for your loss, everything you feel is what I've been feeling.  My husband died from a brain aneurysm in February while we were on vacation.  I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope.  I think Covid, his loss and the isolation from friends is family just makes the grieving so much harder.  I am retired and have a difficult time focusing on anything. Like you I don't cry all day now but I'm also not motivated and have a low level of depression.  I wish we weren't in this group but it does help.  I also joined a local support group and we have weekly zoom meetings.  A friend lost her husband 3 yrs ago and is a facilitator and encouraged me to join.  The first few meetings I felt lost but now I look forward to hearing from others and learning from them.  I adopted a dog in March and she's been a comfort.

  

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