Waking up in the morning has been the worst part of my day, every day, since 2015, when my nightmare began. I can struggle through the day,
evenings are tough, but I welcome the night so I can go to sleep and escape. That's the only time I have any peace. Covid-19 has brought on even more
emotional exhaustion than before, and I'm missing my husband so much it sometimes makes me feel physically sick. I can only describe it as
homesick. I wish you all well.
I guess we all have our special times of the day that are challenging. If I could go to sleep on time every night, or worse, not wake up at 0200 and lie there alone with my thoughts, it would make life easier.
Thanks for responding!
Nights are generally hardest for me as well. Even after I retired, we often did our own things during the day. Evenings were almost always spent together though, and that's when the loneliness really seems to bite. Having a few scotch for dinner eases it a bit, but that's not a sustainable solution. I'm going to somehow find another way of occupying the evenings. Maybe when things open up a bit more I'll be able to get out to do something healthier.
I hear you with the Scotch. There have been several times I have anesthetized myself with alcohol. I don't to it all the time but it has helped me go to sleep on nights where my brain is moving in 10 different directions at once. Interesting in that this is one place I feel I can share this (Drinking) safely. Thanks for your support.
Funny you should mention the 10 different thoughts at once. I used to be good at that. Keeping 10 balls in the air at once seemed second nature. I'd have a drink at the end of the day to settle my mind and focus on one or two things, and try to put them in perspective.
Now, I have trouble doing a single, simple, thing properly. It's a win if I don't put the orange juice in the microwave making breakfast, just trying to focus on making breakfast. Keeping one ball in the air without dropping it is hard now. Now, the 10 different thoughts are intrusive, disconnected, and profoundly disturbing.
There are a few things, habits, or whatever that seem to connect the "before" me, and the "after" me. A walk. A drink at the end of the day. The message on the answering machine. So much is new territory. So little is familiar. The familiar is comforting, but oddly odd now. The scotch is oddly odd now. I'm going to need to think about whether it really does what it used to do. I'm going to have to think about a lot of things.
Alcohol is a depressant and drinking to the zonked out state is not a healthy remedy but then you already know that... Do a search online for " solutions for monkey mind or monkey brain" and see if you can find something to do to ease the pain and loneliness and the moving brain at night...something that is better and not destructive like alcohol. long term grief is only lengthened if you find yourself slip sliding into daily drinking to cope...just an alert not a judgement---your decision.
I hear you soulmate. I find the evenings the worst. Its when I feel the most lonely and my grief the most intense. I can usually sleep pretty good at night, so that helps.
Yes, I think part of it, for me anyway, is that it's generally quieter, so I am alone with my thoughts. I can generally occupy myself with some level of projects in the day time.
Days are harder for me since we were together last summer until July 8th. The nights are fine since everyone is at home. Yes the mornings are rough and I re-live the nightmare during that time.
Nights are also hard for me. It was the time of day when we would cook together, have a meal and then go to bed. It was our time together. Now I'll stay up to 2 or 3AM because I don't want to turn out the light and not have him with me. I adopted a dog a few weeks after he passed so I have to get up in the mornings and take her for a walk which makes the mornings a little better. I completely understand how you feel. The best nights are when I have dreams and he appears.