A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Not sure where I should post but, remarried and starting a family?????
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cristina on -
Congratulations, and, no worries - your story will give others of us hope, and great happiness for you. Share away, that's my take!
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Permalink Reply by kimkirt (KK) on -
I agree with Cristina, share away!
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Permalink Reply by Nikki S on -
Ok well in that case :) I am a little over 5 and a half years out and met my now husband 3 years ago. We got married in September 2010. He is a wonderful man and has been so wonderful about being understanding of my loss and my grief. I am also 9 months pregnant with both of our firsts! It is so exciting and so stressful at the same time and I am happier than I ever imagined I could be. Only problem is, I feel a little guilty in letting go of my grief for Chris. I mean, I know I shouldn't and I know he will always have a special place in my heart but, I don't know, it's hard to explain. And also, when my little man gets older and say he finds a picture of Chris and asks who he is do I tell him? How do I handle that? I don't want him thinking his daddy was my second choice, but I don't want to act like I am ashamed of Chris (which I am by NO MEANS!!) Do I just try to make sure the conversation never comes up? And thank you for the congrts Cristina!!
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Permalink Reply by MsKris12 on -
Wonderful for you Nikki! Don't think of it as letting go of your grief as it will always be there somewhere, but it is just getting "filed" further and further back as your life moves forward. Note, I said moves forward not moves on. As far as your little man asking about Chris, children will accept whatever you tell them, so my advice is to be honest as to the special person Chris was in your life and that he had to leave way too early, but lucky for you, God or the Universe, sent his daddy to you then your little man to both of you. I have 4 children-but Madi was Steve's child, she is 8, Steve has been gone for 18 months and she amazes me everyday how she as just accepted that he is gone and we keep living. Kids like to keep issues of life simple, it is us, the adults, who muck it up!
Much love and blessings to you and your family!
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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on -
Kris' post is right-on on all points (as usual!) ... and I can't think of a thing to add other than my congratulations to you and your husband ... and the soon to be wonderful addition to your family. Good luck - and post pictures for us!
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Permalink Reply by LaurieR on -
Congratulation.I think death of a loved one assigns us far to much guilt. I believe that we are both blessed and cursed in time when you start forgetting little details about your loved ones then you start remembering them with joy. I agree with MsKhris12. Tell your little man that you were married before and he went to heaven( if you are religious) and God blessed you with another love and that is his daddy.
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Permalink Reply by Nikki S on
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Thank you everyone for your congratulations and support! LaurieR, I think you are dead on with our losses assigning us way too much guilt and MsKris12 you are absolutely right that we adults are the ones that complicate the hell out of everything! If we adults could only think like kids sometimes lol.
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Permalink Reply by grace28 on
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As far as I'm concerned, you can post anywhere because most of us love to see someone get their life back together! It's hope for us. Obviously, you're a lot younger than most of us. The problem with all sites, is that people who aren't having a problem anymore , don't check in at all, so none of us hear about people doing well. Congrats!
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Permalink Reply by kimkirt (KK) on
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Congratulations to you and I totally agree with the honesty suggestion. I don't think it would ever occur to your son that his dad was second choice. I was the third wife for my husband, and he had children with all three, and I don't think any of them felt slighted by the others. Children are very understanding, we should take lessons from them. My son is now 10 and I am totally honest with him through this whole process. I have been seeing someone and I am totally up front with my son about it all, telling him no one could replace his dad and no one ever will. I even asked if he minded if Mommy held hands in front of him. In no way do I want him to feel uncomfortable and I believe being upfront and honest with him is the very best policy!
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Permalink Reply by Jerry on
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When you mentioned holding hands,it is a problem for me. My wife hase been gone over 2 1/2 years. I meet a widow,her husband passed away 4 years ago. I have been dating her for 1 year. After seeing her for about 4 months we were intimate, quite anew times. But the guilt on my part was terrible,so I told her it couldn't go on. I like her as a friend, but don't like getting close. I will hold her hand while walking, but can't find it in me to do so while arching tv sitting on her couch or Ina movie. I am 62 and she is 61, not kds for sure. I had no problem doing this with my wife, but now holding hands makes mef feel uneasy. Maybe that I feel it will lead up tossed again. I guess this is strange coming from a man, the fact that I have a willing partnerandchose not to be more romantic.
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