Noticing the little things that are no more...a constant reminder he is gone!

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Permalink Reply by Laker on April 5, 2011 at 6:24pm

I realized the other day that no one will be bringing home huge quantities of toilet paper, coffee, dried cranberries and granola from Costco any more. The fact that Tim died in Nov. and this is just dawning on me is testimony to how well stocked we were.  I dread the day when I use the last of the supplies.   And, as much as I would like to be warm, I dread the day when all the flowers in the garden that Tim planted start blooming. 

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Permalink Reply by MissHIm11 on April 5, 2011 at 9:37pm

Laker,

I dread the Costco runs too. We buy dog food, cat litter, water, etc. I can't lift most of these now because I am 7 months pregnant. Thankfully my friend has offered to do this for me. 

 

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Permalink Reply by Dawn- Clouds Mum on April 6, 2011 at 3:27am

My husband was a compulsive shopper and I have had to do so little since he died in December. This has struck me too in the last few months when the only things I have had to buy are milk, bread and dog meat. I am using the vegetables that Keith started before he died and the flowers I planted alongside his ramp are now taller than me and I pick them every few days and place in a vase near his picture and his ashes,  he would have loved that I do that so that he can share them. We plan to spread his ashes in the river where he swam as a child on the day after his birthday, that is a day that I am dreading.

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Permalink Reply by cancerwidow on April 6, 2011 at 5:05am

It's making me incredibly sad that I don't need to consider his needs anymore. I can let my stuff spread out on the bathroom bench, use both towel racks, use his side of our four-poster bed as a place to hang clothes, use the last clean coffee cup, eat the last biscuit. I hate all of this. I hate not being able to buy things that would make him happy. I miss him in every moment.

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Permalink Reply by Krista Westervelt (whoknows) on April 6, 2011 at 10:44am

I hear you...

I miss doing his laundry... I also get pangs of grief when I look over the little weekly grocery sales circulars and see things he would have liked to eat on sale, and then I realize, 'Oh, wait, no point getting that. He's the only one who would have eaten that..." Seeing things on TV I would have wanted to watch with him... When our youngest does some cute little thing that I would have wanted him to see, and he misses it... Before, when he was alive if he wasn't here, I could just call or text him and tell him what our kids did, but now I can't... There are also certain cups in the cupboard that were "his" and it makes me sad every time I see them and it hits me he won't drink out of it again... etc...

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Permalink Reply by cinderelly on April 6, 2011 at 5:39pm

I understand your pain completely... I miss the toothpaste in the sink, rings of water from his glass on the counter...

So many things that I thought were  insignificant in my daily life are now the most significant things I miss the most. Life without my husband has been unbearable and I am trying to find my way without him...

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Permalink Reply by Dawn on April 8, 2011 at 11:39am

I had it made for the most part, I did all the "busy outside the house stuff" and he did "the inside stuff" He cleaned, did the laundry, floors,fixed the car, took care of the pets and was so helpful with our granddaughter and saved me from myself..lol I was like a helium balloon floating around freely and he held onto my string and let me know when I was "going to far" I could come up with some far fetched ideas that prolly sounded good at the time , but I trusted him, I stomped my foot and would say "okay, but your way isn't any fun" but he was always right, on occasion when he was feeling adventerous he would say okay Dawn let's do it = ) I was his shelter and he was my keeper, we had our times thats for sure we all do, but he was the one who cleaned up after me I can't imagine what he would think of this house now, I just miss my friend, he had to have the tv on to get to sleep,I liked dark and quiet that drove me nuts I haven't turned the t.v on since he passed because I know all of his programs and I don't want to hear or watch them without him.I miss our friendship, his guidance, now I have to grow up ,I miss "the laundry elf" ( our joke)

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Permalink Reply by bethd127 on April 21, 2011 at 5:12pm

Adam worked outside and I really miss his stink when he would get home.  I also miss the sound of his electric toothbrush waking me up.  Also I miss the sound of his snore, which used to drive me nuts!!! Before it used to keep me awake, now i long for it to put me to sleep.

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Permalink Reply by Krista Westervelt (whoknows) on April 21, 2011 at 7:13pm

I never thought I would miss the snoring, either, but I do.

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Permalink Reply by Momtofour on April 21, 2011 at 8:14pm

Barry was a truck driver, and I've missed the smell of diesel trucks, and the way he would smell when he came home after a trip.  I still look at trucks and get a pang of longing for him...every single time.  I just can't help it.  I've learned to tune it out, its just that I recognize most of the trucks on the road and sometimes catch myself looking for him.

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Permalink Reply by NMWidower on April 22, 2011 at 4:27am

Bless you!  This phase of grieving is hard.  I remember seeing Heidi everywhere and how much it hurt.  I think they call these things "triggers" in grief.  Your life was ripped apart suddenly and you lost someone you will never get back.  That love and closeness you felt hurts as you face the loss.  To me this was the essence  of grieving.  It was that phase where all I could do was to look back and feel sad.  In griefshare classes they had us inventory all of our losses to help us realize the extent of the depth of our loss so we could grieve each one. 

 

I know what you mean in hating life without your spouse.  I still find myself saying "death sucks" a lot because it really does hurt.  Its not trivial and the losses are real and painful.  I am so sorry for your loss and I know there are no words anyone can say that will make it go away.  As I was encouraged when I was early in grief to "lean into it" and just let myself feel what I was feeling and hurt as I hurt you are doing the right things.  They told me the ones who talk about it are the ones who heal and it did with me.

 

I wish we all could have our spouses back and not have to deal with the grief and the loss and most of all the loss of our close and dear friend. 

What you are feeling is very normal I can tell you from experience.  Its very normal to hate life now.  I still feel this way even 18 months later because life is so less full of life and zest without her.  I remember feeling like food lost its taste and the colors kind of muted and everything almost seemed grey.  I am so sorry for your loss truly I am.  I hurt with you as I know that pain and it truly sucks...

 

I pray that the God of all comfort would comfort you tonight in your sorrow (II Cor 1:3-4) as you walk this grief journey.  I know He is one who is there in the darkest of nights and is the one who is the master of providing comfort to those who are hurting and grieving. I pray that he strengthen you and help provide for you being 7 months pregnant too.  Man that is tough to add on top of grief.

 

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Permalink Reply by MissHIm11 on April 22, 2011 at 9:34am

Thank you for your words NMW. I miss my husband so bad. I still can't believe he is not coming back.

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