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Here's a spot where you can post your special November remembrances - wedding anniversaries, birthdays, anniversaries of your loss, children's weddings, etc. - and discuss the plans you have to get through those potentially hard days. 

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November 30 will be our 14th anniversary.    I plan to do 14 random acts of kindness on that day.   It will be a little different, because I will be travelling for work, but I will figure it out.

A very difficult season begins...   I have five children.  One son just bought a new home and moved out. It was a proud time but sad... He just turned 26 on Friday. My oldest daughter will turn 33 on Veteran's Day. My husband was a proud veteran so that patriotic times are already difficult, but he's going to be 'missing' for so many milestones and celebrations that are coming one upon the other now...  my church will be having a memorial Mass on Nov 2 for all those who have died in the past year. They will call out the names and a family member is invited to go up and receive a candle and a rose.  I have invited my youngest daughter to go up to receive those things. She's 14. We'll be celebrating the birthdays and then Thanksgiving and then Christmas and my husband's birthday was Dec 29... it seems each week will bring some strong grief moments and I am dreading it all....

Lupe's husband, your plan to celebrate your 14th anniversary is a lovely one.  You will be giving of yourself out of your Lupe's memory...

Today is my birthday, the second one since my husband died about a year and a half ago. I don't have any particular plan to get through the day, other than just treating it as any other day at work, but I sure am missing him a lot right now. He had a way of making me feel really special.

Suzy B, happy birthday. I'm sorry your husband is not with you to make you feel special. I hope you get a little sweetness today, and feel him near.

Dear Suzy,

As a fellow widow, I know it's difficult to have a "Happy" anything, but I am wishing you a peaceful one today.  Try to infuse a little joy into it if you can.  The following are simply some ideas/suggestions:

1.  Buy yourself some flowers or even a single stem (doesn't need to be expensive, just cheerful)

2.  Get yourself a gift that your husband might have gotten for you

3.  After work, go see a movie or show (could be by yourself or with friends)

4.  Order something for dinner or eat out with a friend or more

5.  Perform one or more random acts of kindness (helping others or making others smile always makes me feel better)

The underlying message here is to celebrate the part of you that remains earthbound while the part of you that looks on (i.e., your Mr.) would be pleased to see you smile and that would be a gift for him.  As a fellow widow, I know this is easier said than done and I am not merely offering some Pollyanna-like suggestions.  I am 2 years and 9 months along in my journey and, not only do I miss my husband more than words can say, my love for him continues to grow.

Sending you a virtual hug.

Patrick's Maria

My husband's birthday is November 16th.  I miss him.

Lupe, that's a nice idea about doing random acts of kindness.

September was my son's birthday, it was the first one without his dad.  October 13th would've been our 15th wedding anniversary.  November 27th would've been my husband's 37th birthday.  His tradition was to have coconut cake for birthdays, so our kids and I will continue that and celebrate with a coconut cake on his birthday.  It's our first year without him, he died this past June.  We'll spend Thanksgiving with my brother and his family, and they've invited my mother-in-law over also (my husband's father died almost three years ago).

Tomorrow is my birthday. My first without Rob. I am going for a massage in the morning and then to my Dad's for homemade stuffed cabbage. There may be a glass of wine involved, too. I find myself missing him so very much as the holidays approach. He was first diagnosed right after Thanksgiving in 2004. We got almost 12 more years together. I know I'm lucky. But I suppose one always wishes it were more.

Four years since my husband Ray died on 19th September 2012, now four years since my Mum died also 2012 on 20th November.  That was not a good year for me. I am okay with my life now but miss those important people in my life who I loved so much.  I guess there is always someone who feels left behind. There are so many widows around here in our retirement villages and I see them sitting in the cafes with a coffee and no-one to talk to.  I am lucky, at least I have plenty yo keep me busy.  But there is still something missing in my life. And I guess there always will be.

November is the busiest month for our family in terms of birthdays. Our daughter is on the 5th, I'm on the 22nd and our son is on the 25th. My husband entered hospice on Nov. 2 and was gone by Nov. 11. So, this is our first November without him. I don't even care about my birthday. Without him, it seems like any other day. I might go get a massage that he'd told me to get a couple of months ago but I never did...that's the only way I feel like he's sort of giving me a present for my birthday even though he's no longer here. I just know he really wanted me to do that because I had gotten so burned out being a caregiver. Otherwise, I would probably ignore my birthday altogether.

But I've tried to at least make the birthday for the kids something fun. There is never any good time to lose your husband and your children's father..but right in the middle of birthdays as well as unfair can life get anyway? 

As for Thanksgiving, a good friend of mine invited us over which makes it feel a little less lonely for us. 


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