I lost my love on November 9, 2016. His birthday was the following week on November 16th. That day was extremely hard. We were supposed to bake a cake together and celebrate. It never happened. His birthday was also the last day I would ever see his body. He always knew he wanted to be cremated, so that process was happening the next day. I went to see him and I couldn't touch him at first and after I did, it hurt in a way that I can't explain. I rubbed my fingers through his curly hair and kissed his ice cold forehead twice. I walked out of that room knowing it would be the last time I would ever get to feel my husband. The next week was pretty bad. My mom came and offered no comfort at all. Then she left. Thanksgiving was horrible. I sat home alone on his corner of the couch and stared out the window all day and cried and screamed and cried some more. We'd been together since early 2013. We got married May of 2016. We didn't even make it to our 1 year anniversary. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna get through this.
My Thanksgiving was similar, Branbran. I'm so sorry. You are definitely among people who understand.
On Thanksgiving, two days ago, it was a year to the day that we had to call 911 because my husband was having trouble breathing. About two hours after we got there, they said they would be taking him for tests and I can visit him in a particular room in about an hour. I took his clothing and stuff to bring home and said, "I'll be right back. They are taking you for tests, okay?" And he said, "Okay." When I got home, the phone rang. They needed permission to intubate. He never woke up and passed on December 6th. Needless to say, there was no Thanksgiving for me this year, especially because I have no family to speak of so it was just me and the cats. One cat had turkey, the other chicken, and I made some pasta and jar sauce. It was the best I could do.
I went to the early church service today because as part of the prayers there is a remembrance list of people who have died in this week in the past years so my Mum's name was read out. It is a strange feeling, a sad feeling as you hear your loved one's name read out. Only a couple of people recognised my Mum's name and came and asked me if I was okay. Four years is a while and of course people do forget. But it is nice there is a place for remembrance.