I was thinking of posting some pictures but it makes me feel a bit too vulnerable and exposed. The 22nd will be one full year. November 22nd at 10:20 PM
The way to describe this year is like "Alice through the Looking Glass." Everything upside down and people speaking in riddles, a language I don't understand. I am slowly learning a new language myself, plodding through grief and trying to establish a "New Normal" (Whatever the heck that is. It sounds good, that's why I shared it-lol)
I will spend Thanksgiving with my brother and his family. This is one area in my life I don't take for granted anymore-supportive siblings, a daughter, extended family. Not everyone has that kind of support. They (family) can't take away the pain, but they stood next to me and offered solace as I was in agony.
I hope I can return the kindness and support if and when they lose someone they love.
Today was my husband 40th birthday! Our kids and I celebrated but it was bittersweet since he passed away a little over 2 months ago. Now we are having our first thanksgiving without him.
My dear husband Ron died a year ago today. I'm so grateful it was peacefully and at home, with support from hospice, and I have mostly good memories of his last days.
It's been a very full year as I build a different life without him. As others have noted here, it's a task that's forced on us. The old life is gone. I think I always had one eye on the horizon because he was 15 years older and had health issues that we knew could worsen someday- which is exactly what happened. My beautiful second granddaughter was born two weeks after he died. I took a cruise through the Panama Canal and along the coasts of Panama and Costa Rica in April, which was beautiful and healing. I returned to Iceland last August (we'd been there together in 2015 and loved it) and took a day trip to Greenland. I leave for India and Nepal in March. Ron didn't tolerate hot weather very well, so now I'm making those trips myself. Finally, I've always been diligent about daily workouts (I went to the gym after the funeral directors had removed Ron's body form the house) but I've really increased my upper-body workouts and it shows in my arms and shoulders.
The hospital where he was treated is having a Celebration of Life today for the survivors of those lost to cancer (DH had Acute Myeloid Leukemia) and when I found out it was exactly one year after his death, it seemed appropriate to attend, so I'm doing that. Right afterwards I have an HOA Board Meeting! Life goes on.
November is going to suck for me for a long time. My wife's birthday was 3 days after she died. My birthday is coming up in just about a week, we started dating on Thanksgiving over 20 years ago, and of course she died in November. The month will just be full of memories of her, us, me. The only good thing I can say is at least our wedding anniversary is still over 6 months away, if we had gotten married in November like I had originally suggested I think I would go crazy.
I am cruising to my sister's house for Thanksgiving day, she offered to let me stay the night, but I don't think that will work yet. Besides I still am working on the memorial services for my wife which will be soon after Thanksgiving. Oh November you are an evil month, maybe in the future I will just sleep through November.
It was Thanksgiving day 2012 and as I watched the Flight-for-Life helicopter lift into the air carrying Susan, my wife of 35 years I prayed: "Lord, don't you think that she has been through enough in her life?" 50 years of Diabetes, years of dialysis, two kidney transplants, very nearly loosing her sight, 5 spine surgeries, a double bypass, and a fall that left her with the after effects of a subdural hematoma...My intention in my prayer was that He let her, let us, enjoy some years of retirement together. I thought I was asking Him to "pick on someone else." Little did I know that He would suddenly call her home with a silent heart attack, three weeks later.
We'd retired in September 2012, and in October 2012 we celebrated our 35th anniversary.
I regret that prayer, and the answer to that prayer was beyond my comprehension, but today, 5 years later next month, I realize that it was the right prayer and the right answer. To have given us more time together would have meant more pain and suffering on her part. I'd have traded my life for hers, but the diabetes would have continued to ravage her, and she would have been back on dialysis, and she suffered far more than one person should bear.
I've no one to blame, no one to rage at. She leaves behind three sons, a devoted husband, and 35 years of wonderful memories of knowing what true love and companionship truly is. Thank You Darling for saying "Yes" all those years ago. Thank You Darling for sharing your life with me. I know she is home and safe.
"With all my Love, Forever"
This may be my first Thanksgiving totally alone, it was always Frank's favorite holiday. The last two years I was with snowbird friends in the south, but I am not going down there any more. Waiting to hear from a local friend, we may get together, if not, oh well. Not cooking a turkey, that's for sure!!