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Here's a spot where you can post your special October remembrances - wedding anniversaries, birthdays, anniversaries of your loss, children's weddings, etc. - and discuss the plans you have to get through those potentially hard days. 

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So poignant and beautiful! What a rich family life and story. Thank-you for sharing this.

Louise-Marie

Aw, shucks, thanks. It just really hit me this week. So distracted. I was stumbling to the pantry at work yesterday, didn't realize there was still coffee in my cup, so I'm sloshing it all over the carpet, leaving a trail.

The guy in the office next to me hollers, "Diane, your coffee!" I stuck my head in his doorway and said, "Sorry, it's Fred's birthday month, so I'm a little . . ."

He's a Brit, very reserved, so he's murmuring, "I'm sure that must be very hard . . ." and I just started laughing and said, "Jonathan, I am a total fucking mess right now." We do NOT talk like that in my office. I'm sure I horrified him.

That is pretty funny; in a dark kinda way! It's weird when Guy was so sick, and caregiving so intense, people would ask me how I did 'it' . I could only use the old cliché 'day by day'. Somehow it doesn't apply quite so easily now, maybe because I have more time for reflection; of course Guy isn't around to share these thoughts with either...

Folks at work pretty much duck the topic, even though many knew Guy as we worked at the same place. (I'm still there). One colleague said he thought Guy was in a better place... Insensitive!!! I didn't respond, just wondered how he would say the same if his wife died. Some of his colleagues came to his memorial gathering, and left saying they hadn't realized what a talented individual he was, with a hint of regret in their voices. Work can be so one dimensional; thank god for friends.

Work doesn't sound like a very good place for you to share your feelings either!

Yeah, I was at a graduation party, a friend of my daughter's, and had been a casual friend of her Mom's when they were in high school. She asked me how I was doing. (Oh dear, what to answer, in the middle of a party -- this is over 2 years out so I just say, "Fine" or "Pretty well" or "Hangin' in there.")

Then she said, "I thought of you being the caregiver all that time." (Did she ever call me, nope!) I'm thinking to myself, the caregiving is nothing, if anything it was a privilege, the impact to me was the death, I don't even think about the caregiving anymore.

Then I saw the fear in her eyes and I knew what she was focused on -- if she ever had to do that for her husband, could she?

It's so uncomfortable when people praise you for being brave, or ask how did you ever do it. Like you, I say you just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. I also respond to the fear by assuring them they will rise to the occasion and do whatever needs to be done if they are ever in that situation, that we all have it in us.

Wed, the 12th will be 5 years since my loving spouse went on his last journey. It seems to be hitting me hard this year.  I miss that man so much.

Hugs, Cee.

Thank you. And HUGS back to you.

Hi Darling,

This Friday will be our 39th anniversary.  It will be unusual in that we were married on a Friday six years ago.  We spend Saturday at the Turtle Inn in Jacksonville.  You, as a diabetic, had to eat, but you know, I don't for the life of me remember leaving the room!  Sunday we went to church and we were presented to the congregation as Mr. & Mrs (Don't know what WV's guidelines are for last names) .......  Then we went to your parent's home for brunch, and then off on our Honey Moon.  I sure surprised you!!  This year it will be Friday again, and this year I think I will take our our Wedding Album and go through it.  I'll sit on the Love Seat and share with you my thoughts, my joy, and my love for you, as each picture represents how excited and in love we were.  I still cherish our time and our love.  I'm very lonely.  Perhaps I should become a monk...  I miss our walks holding hands, cuddling while watching the 10:30 news, and surprising you by telling you how much I loved you through the day.  Your idea of our getting a job that allowed us to work together, at home was the best.  I'm so glad that we did. 

Thank You for 35 wonderful years of marriage.

I Love You 

Always, and Forever

Frank

Dearest Tony,
Tomorrow, the 26th, is your 58th birthday. Our 5th year of celebrating it without you here. But celebrate we will, and will miss you with all our hearts.
Lisa, Carolyn, and Cameron

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