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But his birthday which is father's day this year, are first. And the waves of pain and disbelief are as strong as they were in the early days. God, when does it soften?

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Alma.  You  already  know  everyone  has a different  timetable  for  dealing  with  the  grief  that  comes  when  you  lose  a  spouse.  So  no  one  can  give  you a true  answer.  They  can  only  tell  you  their  experience which  may well  be  nothing  like  yours.  I  can  tell  you  it  never  "softened" or got  better for  me  and I  passed 8 yrs  this  past  March.  I  can  tell  you/ even promise  you  that  it  will  change!  Whatever  you are  feeling  or  thinking  today  will change  with  time!  What  that  change  will be  like  for  you...only  you  will  know.  Lots  of  time passes  and  with  passing time  comes change.   Focus  on day to  day  living,  stay  busy,  help  others,  and eat  and  sleep  well  and  consistently. Keep  gratitude  up  front  in  your  thinking.  Life  hurries   by, eternity  is  forever. Give  your attention  to  living.    Take  counsel from  your  own  heart  and  your  own  beliefs. Allow  your  feelings  to  be  present  but  also  allow  them  to  pass  through you and  do  not  dwell in  the  past-remember  with  love and  go  forward each  day looking  for  blessings in  life-to  savor  and  to  give  to  others.  There  can  be joy  again but  with  change  comes  differences.  It  will  be Ok.  You  will  find  YOUR  way.      lj

Thank you so much for responding. It was kind and inspiring. I do have so much to still be grateful for.

My husband died on fathersday last year and all i can say is i feel it too.  Maybe even more now than in the early days because at least at that time i was numb and or had the surroundind support of family and friends. Who would come stay with me for days even weeks at a time.  And lots of hugs and it made me feel loved so the hurt was there but the support and love cushioned the loss.  But now thats its coming up to the year mark those people are off living their lives once again like before all back to their everydays lives.  But here the kids and i are living the constant reminder of this life without this life of lost love and now coming up a double reminder now with the day he died being a seperate day from fathersday.  It feels worst today than it did in the beginning and before the pandemic i felt almost some days normal and not constantly reminded of our loss but then the pandemic just resparked the ever looming horror of his absence plus now the financial burden has become almost unbearable i dont know what will happen but i.ll prob need a miracle for the kids and i to not have to sell our stuff and move.  I hope things get better for u but as for myself i havent seen much light at the end of the tunnel.but i will never give up on trying my hardest cause thats what my husband always did for us while he was alive.  His life and how he lived still are my motivation for hope.  Think about what your loved one might do if the situation was turned around or what they might say to u if as a thought u know.

I am sorry you have two hard days this year

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