Open thread: End of the Year / New Year's / Holidays wrap up

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Permalink Reply by Joyce on December 28, 2011 at 11:12am

My husband passed away in October so it's been 11 weeks.  But I have put off making any kind of decisions especially financial ones, such as house, his truck (which I'm still making payments on), etc.  I also have to make an appointment with SS since I've spoken to two people and have received 2 different responses on widow benefits.  From what I understand this is normal.  But the answer from Social Security will largely affect any major decisions I make in the coming year.  It is all so scary I would still like to stay in bed with the covers over my head but I can't do that forever.   I hope this overwhelming feeling of sadness will taper off a little.

 

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Permalink Reply by Lisa (lost) Lamb on December 28, 2011 at 11:26am

  I want so much to be able to find myself again in the new year. Through KC's illness and being not only his caregiver but also his coach, his advocate, his rock and his wife I lost myself in the process.  I've made so many list of things I would like to accomplish, to change, to complete, and to learn now the biggest decision is where to start. Before I was being pulled in so many direction that I couldn't think strait, now I'm trying to run in to many. One good thing about my new way of thinking is I'm looking to the future, not trying to rebuild the past. One bad thing about it is I'm trying to do it all at once. If anyone has any advise on how to find a starting point I'm all ears.

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Permalink Reply by bogie77 (Donna) on December 28, 2011 at 6:46pm

My husband passed away last New Year's Eve, so this New Year's Eve is going to be especially difficult.  He loved Thanksving and Christmas so it was really tough not having him here for them.  But having the entire world celebrate the one year anniversary of losing him (and every year thereafter) is very tough to face.

I  have decided to "retire" my wedding rings that day, though.  I'm trying to build a new life for myself.  I kind of went into a mode of just getting through the first year.  Now it's time to look to the future.  I bought 2 new rings to put on the middle finger of my left hand.  One is silly and one is serious.  The silly one is a purple butterfly.  I feel like that is me coming out of my coccoon.  The other is a blue saphire with 3 stones to represent my past, my present and my future.  Once I'm sure that I won't feel the need to put the wedding rings back on, I'll give them to our daughter. 

My daughter and I are going to spread some of his ashes on our land that day.  It's where he spent many years hunting (and our son did, too).  Then we're going to have a special meal and his favorite spice cake with peanut butter icing.

Then I feel like it's time to start moving forward with my life and make some changes. 

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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on December 31, 2011 at 2:13am

Yes, NYE will be difficult for you but I'm really impressed with how you've thought things out. I hope the day brings you special memories of the good times you shared. If you're alone as midnight approached, please join us in the chat room and we'll keep you company.

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Permalink Reply by teenytinypuppy on December 30, 2011 at 9:29am

I not looking forward to the NY. I am ABSOLUTELY terrified. I used to be a person who, no matter how bad the year had been before, NYE was always a chance for a clean slate - I'd either look back and smile/be happy of what was accomplished, and/or say, "well, that sucked, but it'll be OK. Next years will be better." I used to have plans and goals. I used to look forward to it.

That all changed after my husband died in the middle of the year. My calendar completely changed, and now my year starts and ends with the day he died.

It's the unknown that sucks. I'm absolutely terrified of it now. I have to move my mother's apartment (she's in a nursing home now because she can't be on her own anymore), and she's up for her Medicaid renewal, and I'm afraid that will fall through. She cannot live with me - she's a very toxic woman. We took her in and she was a horrible strain on our marriage. We only had a year and a half together before my husband died, and my mother and my husband's illness were both major strains on the little time we had. So her living with me is out of the question. I also have a business that I've been struggling to get off the ground (going into my third year). This is the make-or break year for me, and it has to work. With the widdabrain and PTSD from my husband's death, I can't work for anybody else. Both have gotten better (whatever that means), but if I were my boss even knowing that I'm capable of doing good work, I wouldn't hire me.

I really hope that the Mayans are right, and 12/21 is The Big End. I was hoping I would be gone long before now. I'm tired, and I'm tired of saying to myself, "well it won't matter because I'll be dead in six months", and it doesn't happen. I don't know - maybe I need to start saying it won't matter because I'll be dead in an hour. :-p

Sorry to hijack the thread! :-( I just want the horrordaze to be over.

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Permalink Reply by judy on December 30, 2011 at 11:14am

I really know how you feel - I am just dreading tomorrow night - I should be celebrating with my husband, not deciding what to do with my life.

A friend invited me over her house - but I might just stay home and be on WV alone for my fun night - or just try and sleep through it.

Lets hope that the Mayans are right and the end is very near - I long to be in my husbands arms again.  He died 4 days before my birthday - and lost friends and family along the way.  He would not be happy how some people have been so unsupportive to me.  I know I can count on my parents and his brother.  Was happy when his sister sent me a xmas gift, but she doesn't want to talk to me and that would mean so much more to me than a material gifts.

Suzette - I totally feel what you are feeling.  This is the first new years without my handsome husband.

I miss you Justin....

 

 

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Permalink Reply by justme on December 30, 2011 at 4:40pm

I have no plans for the new year, I'm feeling kinda dead at the moment.  My husband has been gone  4 months and I don't know what to do with myself now. I am taking 1 day at a time, that's all I can do. I plan to look for work but there isn't much around here, and who wants someone over 60 anyway?

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Permalink Reply by Tommi on December 30, 2011 at 6:56pm

Today would have been our 5th wedding anniversary and is the 8 month ackowledgement of his passing.   We were together for 18 years.  I spent the day with a stomach virus so I spent equal time sitting on and hugging the toilet.  Nothing like that to keep your mind off things.  It finally seemed to clear up late in the afternoon.  I'm not ready to do much else tonight besides veg and drink plenty of fluids.

I have had a 6 month battle with my husband's offspring (they are adults) about how he left things.  Things may be headed to foreclosure fairly soon so I am working as hard as I can with the attorney to get things sold and out of the house.  Throughout this process, my future has been put on hold.  I can't stay in the house we lived in.  Not sure I will end up in the cottage that he wanted me to live in, and not sure even where I want to live.  I am hoping that 2012 brings me some peace and a path to my future.  I'm not one to enjoy living in limbo like this. 

The holidays were bittersweet, but I have to admit that I did smile, I did laugh, and for the most part enjoyed the time I spent with my family.  (We usually did Christmas visits after the holidays.)  There were still moments for tears and missing him terribly.  I am headed to a friend's house tomorrow for a casual gathering.  They're good folks and I feel safe with them.  I will miss my husband telling me, "Wake up....you're going to miss it!".

Only two resolutions.......to hopefully give us diet soda for good and to write more, both here and on my own. 

Happy New Year to you all.....chin up......

 

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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on December 31, 2011 at 2:09am

Oh TommiJ, I'm sorry today was a tough one for you in so many ways. You're sure having to deal with a lot. I, too, hope that the new year will bring you peace and direction on what your future holds.

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Permalink Reply by Tommi on December 31, 2011 at 7:38am

Thanks Dianne.  I hope so too.  I know the peace that I'm looking for is out there.  It is difficult to be patient and wait for it though.

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Permalink Reply by job4348 on December 31, 2011 at 8:30am

Hello everyone,Last morning of this year -I made it not real sure how. What am I going to do next year wow big question. I'm checking into starting a small business with my oldest daughter and hopefully son. It is scary but exciting at the same time. And I have got back to my sewing some. And don't laugh but I mostly  make doll clothers. Have been advised to do the antigue doll fashions. And my GD suggest I make some dog fashion-lol I don't know about that. I have been working on me, have been working to lose some weight  and went yesterday all by myself to get a manuicure(?) and waxing. Ouch!So I guess I am finding me whoever that is. To all of you that are new to this please know that I hope you can understand that you are totally normal  and know that while it may seem a lie someday you will smile again.  My heart hurts for each of you and often my tears are for your pain.  This is my manta that i say a lot;" Look up,give thanks for what has been and what is to come." Brenda 

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Permalink Reply by carolynne on December 31, 2011 at 9:22am

I hate the thought of a whole year without Rodney. I'm finding it very hard to think about celebrating anything, tonight or any other night. But I do realize that he is not coming back, that he would not want to see me living like this, that I have GOT to do something to help myself heal and get on with this lonely new life. Some resolutions...deal with his truck, go through his things and choose some to give to his family, clean out the closets and make more room for Randy and I. Most important resolution: improve my health. I need to quit smoking FOR GOOD, meaning not still sneaking some here and there, I need to get some exercise, slow down my drinking, make cancer follow up appointments and KEEP THEM, find a way to deal with my heart issues and panic attacks/anxiety and HOPE to even get rid of them someday....I may have days when I don't want to live in this world anymore, but I know that my children need me here, especially Randy, so my resolution is to improve my health so I can be around for him as long as possible. I wish you all peace and comfort in the coming year, my friends. I'm so blessed to have found you all. xo

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