A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Please share: how are you feeling? Do you have plans for 2012 that inspire you, scare you, or are you taking it one day at a time?
Are you making any resolutions?
If you've been widowed a while, can you share how your perspective has changed over the years... maybe new holiday rituals that have been good for you?
(((hugs))) That is a really bad meltdown. I'm glad you're feeling better. Hoping the next wave to hit you will not be another rogue.
I've learned rather than make resolution, I find ways I can keep going forward, learning and picking areas I can improve. This is what I have learned. Yes, perspective changes. First I awaited that magical one year "new me" thing, oh I so awaited that Magical one year mark. Your firsts are done and all is better. Wrong. I felt no different and nothing magically happened. I found it dissappointing, made me angry because all I was told was "after the firsts you'll be a new you." Not true for me, I was even more miserable when that magic one year mark didn't ave its magic want for me. I mean why not, I took good care of my family and have been a decent person, but thank-fully I was still myself. Myself means off running on adventures while keeping one area of my life stable. I just have to adapt and be willing to adapt.
I've been working diligently at this and wah lah. This year actually before this year, on the third year it hit me. I now am taking back and organizing who I am and always was. I could find other ways to have a type of stability in my life. So I have focused on that. It appears to be working because progress although slow, is moving forward to who I was and always have been. So on Christmas day I turned out several batches of soaps, and I just continue to keep going in other areas of my life and picking back up my writing and enhancing my TCM and Western Consultations and articles/blogs to assist others. Which is what I like to do and have been for over 40 years.
Not to mention working on my personal areas too spiritually, mentally and physically. :) this is fantastic I feel far better than I ever have and I have something to show for it. Something to remind me, keep on going your getting there! This for me is stability, while now I go and have my fingers in something adventurous too. Right back where I was with improvements. I like it!
This was my first Christmas/New Year's alone in my life - I was with my dear husband for 34 years and before that with my parents, so it was really hard for me. My husband was in the hospital for two months - December and January of last year before passing away at the end of January, so December and January this year were very hard - always remembering where I was during that time last year - by his bedside every day.
But I did manage to get out of the house on Christmas Eve - with my step-son and Christmas Day - dinner with my cousin and his wife. I actually had a nice time and it got me out of the house for a few hours.
I did it because I knew my Don would want me to.When I came home from each event, I talked to his picture, like I do every day, and told him everything that went on. I knew if he was here, we would laugh and joke about things.
It's 2012 and I am still here, still managing to go to work and get things done, but half of my heart died the day my husband died, and there is never any way I will get that back. I am doing better than I expected in some ways, and not as well in others. But I know things take time.
I did one cool thing - I made a mini-memorial with my husband's urn and some pictures I placed around it - then I strung a set of lights around it - I plan to put on those lights for every event - his birthday, the day he died, our anniversary, holidays. Just my little way of keeping him alive.