A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Please reply below in this discussion area to share your experiences, then and now, that are "called" by this time of year, which will be open all month (or until I start the next "seasonal" sharing discussion).
Most of us are dreading Valentine's Day, with its constant marketing on TV and everywhere of the importance of true love.... we had that! Please share your traditions, love songs, and so on, and your rage and frustration. You can include a photo in your posting or even embed a YouTube video to share music, film, or home movies.
The chat room (click "Chat now!" in the top navigation bar) is open all day and night today if you need a hug from others who are going through similar feelings today... and there are a few times when chat will be hosted. Drop by to share... we might even give you a dose of hope or a laugh.
I came on this morning and chatted with a few members! Definitely boosted my spirits, so thank you!!!
My husband and I used to make each other Valentine gifts/surprises. Just cheesy little things that I adored so much. My husband was surprisingly crafty and incredibly thoughtful. We didn't believe in 'buying into' the whole holiday fiasco with fancy reservations, or expensive jewellry... just simple hand crafted cards, or little notes here and there.
I looked at the calendar, and noticed that he would have had today off of work. and since I am on maternity leave, we would have spent the whole entire day together! I can picture it perfectly! We'd probably have a lazy morning in bed just rolling around contemplating whether or not we'd leave it at all at this point!!! ...but then again, we have a 4 month old..so I am sure he'd be wanting some attention. We'd probably make breakfast together, gush about how perfect of a baby we made, and have no real rush on the day. I am sure I would have asked my mother to watch the boy as Craig and I spent some much needed alone time. It would have been beautiful.
Instead I wake up beside my 100+lb rotti this morning, who I find out was the one I was spooning in my dreams **who stinks a lot by the way**///and not beside my husband-my true valentine.
and instead of hearing his voice say "good morning sweetie, happy valentines, I love you"...I get texts from my late husbands buddies "thinking of you today, happy valentines"
---still very nice. still very much NOT the same.
peace and healing to us all today!
Mike was HORRIBLE at Valentines Day. The two VDs before our wedding, he was wonderful. I got long stem roses both years, but as soon as we got married that stopped. I understood in the early and middle years because we were not financially set, but towards the end, when we were debt free and had all the spending money we needed, I got angry at him year after year.
In 2009, when he did nothing, I said something I regret. I said, "You know, this might be our last Vaelentine's Day and even now, you can't show me that you love me." The next year, he was very ill and got me flowers on Feb 12, because that was the day our son could take him to Walmart. Again, I was dissapointed that he couldn't have done a little more, put a little more thought into it, but accepted that this was just who he was.
So, with that history, Valentine's Day is not a big deal to me at all. I have to say, I am less dissapointed than I was on all the Valentines Days that we were together. This year I knew to not hope for anything.
I just reread this and I hope I didn't come off sounding.... unloving, or unloved. Mike loved me, I know that, he just was a cheap son of a gun who didn't like giving cards and flowers. God bless his sweet, sweet soul.
I, too, came here this morning to chat and felt better. I also ordered myself this necklace:
I wanted to wait until today (Valentine's Day) to order it for some reason. The girls at work had flowers sent to me at work, I cried when I got them. I was shaking opening the card. It was bittersweet. They said they didn't know if they should send them or not but that they wanted to do something. I think it was sweet of them to make the effort and do that.
My husband always got me a heart shaped box of chocolates. He was the first guy I dated that ever did that. He was so proud of that. The girls in chat here this morning convinced me I should go buy myself a box, so I'm going to! I know my husband would want me to have my heart box of Reeses. Lol.
My son said he wanted a Dairy Queen ice cream cake tonight. So I will stop and get one on the way to pick him up after work. Until then, just lying low at work and trying to muddle through.
Hugs and love to everyone.
Love it Kim!
Well, I was feeling very down today, and just before lunch I read Kim's post below, about people in chat telling her she should buy herself a box of chocolates. I thought, you know that's a good idea! So at lunch, I bought myself not only a heart box of chocolates, which Tom always bought me but I also bought myself some flowers (which he hardly ever did). You know what - I do feel a little bit better. So thanks for the idea guys by way of Kim. I'm leaving work early to go to the cemetery before they close and I bought Tom some flowers too, a duplicate of what I bought for me. He wouldn't like the fact that I bought him flowers (most of the time he thought they were a waste of money) but I think I deserve them and so does he....whether he likes it or not. If he doesn't like it he can always come down and argue with me....lol.....
Hugs Joyce! I'm glad you got yourself flowers and chocolate! I got a bag of heart shaped Reeses at lunch, they were out of the boxed hearts, but these are just as good! I felt a little better too. I'll have to put some on Steve's ashes box when I get home. I'm sure I'll steal his chocolate like I always did tho! And he can't argue, just like Tom, he'll have to come down. lol
just had to have a laugh! I always did the same to my husband!!! for whatever reason he would always eat half of a chocolate and leave the other half...well i always snagged his piece, and he never said a word until one day he was like "why dont you ever let me eat my full piece?" to which I replied "why wouldn't you eat the whole thing?" ... apparently the little cutie liked to save a little for later... ooops. hahah
ps: LOVE that necklace kim
I cried myself to sleep the night before. Expected it.
My husband and I didn't really have signature "traditions and/or holidays" because we both were of the school that EVERY DAY was valentines, mother's day, father's day, wedding anniversary, etcetera.
For 15 years we took a trip around this time of year. Last year we could not make the trip because of his illness. I decided to make the trip myself this year. I drove 5+ hours today. I have never driven here because my husband drove everywhere. I made it, went to the 2 grocery stores we would go, and had dinner at our usual spot. Tomorrow I am going into the city by myself. Along with visiting all of our usual haunts, I am planning on starting some new traditions for me. It's bittersweet---we've had the same hotel room for 15 years---it was tough stepping in here, but I've unpacked and made it my own. I've had a few Valentine's Day wishes from friends. It's sweet, but I miss exchanging cards with my husband....
Mahagen, I am with you. Keith was lousy at Valentines Day. If he did remember it was a rose from the gas station. However we did always celebrate February 9th, as that was the day that I was announced cancer free. I would buy myself flowers, a bottle of wine and a really good book. Keith would take our daughter out of the house and let me have "me" time for the whole day. That was the most romantic gesture in the world to me. That and taking the garbage out. LOL