Right now still overwhelmed by life. It's almost 4 months. I guess I thought I was ok because I survived the first 3. I must have just been coasting in denial. Right now I feel like I am breaking. I can't sleep and everything has me bawling. I let me niece and her 17 year old son move in and they are touching things that wa Bill's responsibilities and I am loosing it. We were together for 17 years and it was all fine before he left me suddenly and unexpectedly. He was very technical and I don't know if I am concerned that they will break something or just upset because I feel they are severing another connection I had with Bill. These are uncharted territories and I am usually one to be in control. I don't like it and I miss my love terribly. Holding on my a thread. Pray for me.
Breathe. Your grief is so raw, there is no normal for you right now. When you can breathe, you might be able to talk to them about how you are feeling. If you can't, don't worry. What you are experiencing is what we all have and are experiencing.
They do say not to make any big decision for a year because you are struggling to find your new normal.
When you can, I think it's important to talk to them. Even if it's only in bits and pieces. They have no idea what they are doing until they do know. I am thinking eventually they will be a huge comfort and help to you but this is unchartered territory for them as well.
My thoughts are with you and come back here to share. That is important. You will find so many kindred souls here and it helps. Hugs.
Thanks booktime. You're right, they probably don't realize it. I am going to write them a quick note since right now my emotions are so raw I don't think I can verbalize what I need. Thanks again for the help.
Hi Mrs Bear,
Your "coasting in denial" is spot on. It's sort of a internal self defense that our minds work for us. Some times that fog can last a full year or so. It depends upon the person and each of us, while on variations of the same path, are different and it takes some longer, and others less time. Before you implode, or, explode, you will need to sit down with your Niece and her son, and try to give them some insight into what it is like to walk in your shoes. They can tell you are in pain, but in some cases the closest thing that they have had in their lives so far is the death of a pet, or watching some acquaintance go through something like a sudden divorce, or perhaps the death of a parent. Those, while important, are nothing like the death of a spouse. Sit and chat with them. If they do something that really hurts, tell them, and tell them why, and tell them of the feelings that what they did brought to you.
Susan is right. Please join us here. Read first. Some of what you read will ring strong with you, perhaps "Friend" the writer, and exchange emails/letters. Look at the Chat Room. You don't have to join right off. It took me a couple of months to bring myself to the point where I was brave enough to join in on Chat.
WV is the place where you can share what you are going through with folks that are on the same path as you and use the same words like agony, pain, and loss. Here you can cry, vent, rage, scream, all you want. We all have been there, or are going through it with you.
Don't be a stranger Gal,
Chat with you soon and ((((HUGS))))
Thanks Frank. I had my chat with my niece it felt good talking through it. Thanks for all the support.