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I am 8 weeks in and so emotionally overwhelmed with all that has to get done. I had a grief counselling session that was horrible... has anyone experienced this? He wasn't a man of faith and he believed in the laws of attraction positive and negative ... that once I understood and accepted the negatives in my life in my husbands death. That it would be easier to walk through the grief. He also said he didn't believe in the afterlife. To which my husband feared there would be no afterlife. The session left me deeper in my pain, I was physically sick for two days. Then he sent me a bill for 2100 for a three hour session. I am absolutely sickened at how even professionals will take advantage of ones vulnerable state. 

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I know right... sighs)) his latest emails to me were even worse. I have never felt like socking someone before... but my goodness! ~ 

thank you widow... hugs

I would tell him "see you in court, buddy, I will tell the judge everything you said to me and we'll see what the judge thinks your session is worth." ((((hugsss Soul))))).

Thank you Barb... hugs~

So sorry you had to go through this. I am now seven months without my wife. I tried one on one grief counseling but it made no difference. Then I tried group counseling but there were hardly anyone there that lost a spouse. I was told to think of the happy times together but they just made me miss my wife all the more and the sadness grew. And when those thoughts of her last days come creeping into my mind, well, I get total sorrow and regrets that I could not do more. I guess the only thing I have learned is that for me it will take a long time to get through it - and maybe never. Each person I am told has their own schedule. So I guess this means we each must find our own way. This web site is the best resource I have found to reflect on why. God bless you.

Thank you Miket, I agree it's on our own time... personally as hard as it is I want to accept the pain. Moving through the pain is moving through him... anyway I try to think it, doesn't seem to make movement in it easier. I have deep regret too, of not being able to do more. I called 911 sent my son to get help. 911 kept telling me not to go in it might be too dangerous. When the first responder came he couldn't swim. So I dropped the phone and jumped in...but I couldn't get the cage off of him. I couldn't get to him... he was so deep under it seemed. I never felt so helpless in my life. I have always believed that God gives life and takes it... I so struggle though in this truth today. I still don't know if my husband died here on the property or at the hospital. It appeared they had a pulse here... they worked on him for four hours or more, I believe they had him back as I felt him while they were working on him I could feel his fight... but he looked in such a horrible way. When they started talking about brain waves it was the one talk I so recall us having, if anything every happened and there was a concern of brain wave activity... I was to let him go. I told him he could do what he needed to do... 30 mins later the Dr came in and told me he was gone. I have so regretted that moment ...and I could hear in my mind him asking me to let him go. I wish I would of told him to stay to fight... but even so I am left telling myself to trust my husband and God in this. I just don't know how.  It helps to write my thoughts to all of you here and to know the responds Im getting are from people who know what Im feeling. Who truly understand my pain. I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife... I do know your pain. Thanks for responding and please know your not alone. God Bless!

Thank you everyone... your reply's on my being overwhelmed helped me feel not alone in my thoughts. I am very surprised he's allowed to practice, I would almost like to post his email messages to me. I have been a mess... and worse since meeting the guy and having to deal with his nonsense. I will be reporting him, however Ive been so emotional about it. Some of the things he said to me are so disturbing and Im truly in shock over his analyzing my psyche. Im quite certain I have PTSD, as I have had training in working in different areas of crises issues. All I wanted was to speak of the pain and the deep emotions in his loss and that day we lost him. My children and I found my husband in the pond crushed by a dam cage. I wasn't able to get him out... that day comes to my mind like flashes or replays. I have nightmares of not being able to reach him. At one point I remember standing over him when the paramedics were working on him but I was seeing it from above and I was able to see myself looking at him and my children who were about ten feet away being comforted by a neighbour. It was like an out of body experience is best I can describe it. It haunts me.. seeing his eyes opened. Him looking so lifeless. My mind takes me back there and its so real. Everyday I have to drive by the pond and often I will have a flash flood through me of him in the pond and I it almost makes me jolt to want to jump back in the pond. But as quick as I see him he's gone. I don't know why my mind keeps me there. I suppose because the ache is so deep that I couldn't get to him. The psychologist told me he thinks Im having a spiritual crises ... he mocked my religion and told me that I grew up with my faith but now I don't need it and if I accept this I'll get through the grief better that my christian friends are not  help to me during my pain.  He said "Faith is based on the fear of getting more pain than pleasure in our life"  I will be reporting him and not paying the bill as I am completely not satisfied with his services with me. Even though he came back to tell me he'd give me three session and if I wasn't better after three I didn't have to pay for those sessions. Yet he expects to be payed for the first. His method is to deal with past life instead of the grief itself as he says its our past that defines how we deal with our grief... and understanding the negatives in life. The guy is a complete kook.. and Im so completely appalled that he's had the audacity to say the things he's said.. as if insult to injury has ever made movement in ones soul.  I wish my husband was here .. he'd firmly tell him how it is. I feel so lost in the depth of this pain and today I just don't want to move through it. Im so tired. So very tired. To think Im only two months in .. it feels like he's been gone forever, yet that day hits me like it was yesterday.  Its just so hard to move through.

Hey there, I hope you find a counselor that you can connect with. I found a Hospice counselor that I really connected with. Hospice is free, and are angels most have gone through what we have been through. Try walking/running that will help with the depression.

I struggle and feel overwhelmed as well it's part of the process. :(  Hugs to you!

Hi Boston, 

  I will check into that thank you. I am going to get the children and I into martial arts as a family activity soon, and start running with my 14 year old. I hope that will help us some in dealing with the tidal wave of emotions. The struggling and feeling overwhelmed I don't believe will leave for some time. I am learning strategies if I can call them that to make movement in those moments that it's just all too much. I've started making a grief plan... not that I expect to follow it as the pain hits in ways and times that swallow you whole. However it's given me a knowing when I need to stop what Im doing and just go do something with the children. Lots of play ... parks and swimming and anything to allow us to move when the sadness is too much to bear. I see you have children? How are you all doing? We were out to eat tonight, and there was a large family group, two families together... out enjoying the summer. The depression that hits the children and I can be in an instant when we take notice to fathers giving words to their children. Tonight this guy danced with his little girl my daughters age. And it just set us off into tears.  Yet the blessings of children and their truth is humbling as my daughter smiled and said Im so happy for her that she has her Dad. My heart melted in that moment and the blessings that are still my own gave me a moment of peace. I wish you peace Boston as you continue this sojourn. Thank you for your words of advice. (hugs)


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