A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Pain of Change and Moving
It looks like I'm going to leave the home that Don and I bought and renovated 5 years ago while he already had pancreatic cancer. He got to live here for one year and then died almost 4 years ago. I've had a life threatening hospital visit since with pulmonary emboli and my son who lives in Wilmington, N.C. hopes I will move into an independent living community up there which allows graduated services if I am ill again. It's all so logical and the place we are looking at is lovely.
I am terrified of the actual move and starting over again up there. It may be the best move in the world for me in the long run but with my new lack of energy and no Don to help, it is more scary than exciting right now. Selling this house and buying one there creates timing/money issues too. I am now 72 and can't just wait until it is too late and I become a burden to my children.
Aiyiyiyi! Just needed to vent. Must learn to take one day at a time again and learn how to deal with mornings - they are always a work in progress so I can get going and do what I need to do. Don, I need you. I miss you and I can still only pray that you are in a better place.
This too will pass............ cindy 292
Views: 51
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Krista Westervelt (whoknows) on -
Moving can be daunting under the best of circumstances. Hope you find the peace you need in the midst of all of it.
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VOLUNTEERPermalink Reply by Supa Dupa Fresh on -
Cindy, thanks for letting us know of this huge challenge in your life! Moving is AWFUL, such a huge stress... but it sounds like you've found a good environment that will preserve your health and sanity in the long run.
Where I live, there are special moving services that cater to seniors... they help you cull through your things, pack them carefully, and then help unpack, too. I wonder if something like that might be helpful and perhaps a little comforting -- some company among so much change?
Love to you and your children as you move through this stage without Don.
X
Supa
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Permalink Reply by cindy292 on -
Thank you both - I feel like such a wimp really. I was still healthy enough when Don was so sick - his cancer was stage 4 and it was 18 months of living hopefully while terrified of a certain death sentence at the same time. We just talked about the hopeful part of it and fought it as hard as we could. So what is a move compared to that?
If push comes to shove I'll just get on my knees and beg friends and family to help! LOL I don't know about those services for seniors here but the staff at Plantation Village have a handful of people who help you with the unpacking. They have a woman in charge who comes to your house and measures everything to see where your belongings will best fit and where you need to get rid of things in order to move into a smaller space.
I'm working on attitude -sometimes a glass of wine gives me the best attitude?- and trying to see it all as an adventure and praying I don't have a heart attack next!! It may be a year before the whole effort is completed - I have to sell this house and Plantation Village may be selling me a place that gets built next year. They have couples and singles opting for the independent living places. They have to be over 60 and I'm told it ends up half and half couples vs. singles. Not inexpensive so I'm fretting along those lines too.
Well, I keep telling myself that every scary situation I have been in during the past finally worked out okay......
Thanks for your support! Truly! Love, Cindy
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Permalink Reply by SallyStarre on
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Cindy , moving is so stressful in itself. But it sounds as though you are in a win / win situation. I hope you find peace and happiness when the dust settles. Remember a house is not a home. Your home is where your heart and memories are.
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Permalink Reply by dazed on -
I waited 14 months after my husband died and then moved and changed jobs. It has been hard but after 10 months I know I made the right decision. It has been so much easier living in my new home than in the home we shared together. I just missed him too much there. Change is hard but sometimes it is for the best. I know now matter what you decide to do, you will do just fine.
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Permalink Reply by the rose on -
This is the very thing I have been trying to avoid and face. Let me explain. We are Filipinos working here in Papua New Guinea. My LH first came here in 1991 and after I met him, I joined him here in 1998. We brought our son here when he was just 3 months old so that means he spent all his childhood here and all happy memories with Dad were in this place.
Before he passed we considered moving back to our country to give our son a better educational opportunity and he had initiated some things to prepare for our move. But he passed and those opportunities and dreams died as well.
My boss had kindly talked to me and said we could stay and my son could study at the university (where I am working) for free (as a benefit to staff). Of course, without him, people had expected us to move back to our country. I am preparing for a move back, but my son has asked me if we could stay for a year or two.
I think I need to prepare him as well for the change. It would mean something .... everything would be new to him to adjust to a new school, new environment, new language.... But it would also mean a loss in a way... to the memories. Being here gives us a feeling that his spirit is around and that gives us assurance. Moving gives so much uncertainty that we may not be able to come back here again in the future. Oh it is so hard, but I know that sometime in the future change has to occur. One step at a time.
Losing him has left us a void so deep and painful. Sometimes I talk to my LH to help me, to guide me to make the right decision for the good of our son. It is so hard....
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Permalink Reply by Arlene on
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Cindy - I feel your pain. When my husband passed away in January of this year, I lost 1/2 of our income. and since I don't drive, I have to rely on people to take to the grocery store and other places. We rented a house, but I don't know if I can live it in much longer, since I probably should look for something more affordable - but oh the memories, he is everywhere I look and I don't want to part with that and "move on". My husband was 63 and already retired - I am turning 60 next month and we were so looking forward to my early retirement at 62 so we could spend all our time together - unfortunately, it wasn't to be, and now I will probably have to work till 65. I wish I could just not wake up some days and just go to join him.
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Permalink Reply by Jeanine on -
Cindy.... are you still with this site? I ask because it has been almost a year since there has been any post here. I'm new to Widowed Village and just discovered your post about your husband, Don, dying from pancreatic cancer. My husband, who is also Don..... also died from pancreatic cancer in June 2008. Last year I moved to a 55+ community that is near to where my son and his wife live, and it has been a blessing. I still miss my Don tremendously, but am gradually learning to enjoy my new life. It helps to know that Don is with our Creator, and I will join them some day.
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