How many of you have had to help at least one other person start this widowed journey? I have had three in the last year and a half. Do you find it helps you? Do you find yourself grieving along with the other person? A friend just lost her husband yesterday in a horrific accident -- unexpected and sudden. I read about it through a news clipping and felt almost more gutted than I did when my own husband died. She is younger than I am and her life was damn near perfect until now. I would love to feel that when I help people through these early days I am doing a good thing, but it is so hard to get past the wishing mightily that we could go back in time and not have them in this club. I accept that I'm in it, but I don't want anyone I care about to have to join. :-(
One of my 12 year old daughter's best friends' mom is dying of fairly quick brain cancer and it hurts me so keenly, because as bad as it is for them now, I know what they have in front of them. She and her husband are the nicest people in the world, and they are devoted to each other. I can hardly stand to see it happen. It's caused a big resurgence in my own grief, which I had gotten pretty good at denying.
Early on I thought it was best to pay it forward, but I quickly learned from their dependence on me in knowing all the answers it was compounding my own grief. I learned having grief buddies who relied on other sources was more helpful for all of us. We were able to exchange ideas as well as talk easily about other things while being supportive. At almost 10yrs out, it's not a problem to be supportive. There are times, as it should be, that I don't easily or quickly recall the many issues associated w/grief b/c it just gets better w/healing. Its what is looked forward to during the process. I still remember the day I woke feeling light hearted & raring to go - it stopped me in tracks after about an hour. It was a quite the shock to realize grief ended. No sadness whatsoever; that feeling of dragging a ball & chain w/the same cloud of feelings & thoughts melding into one day after another while multitasking. Do whatever is helpful to/for you ...
Several other ladies, also Widows, have helped me just by talking and letting me talk. Two of my neighbors are Widows. Also so ladies at my church have helped me just by being there if I so much as simply want to talk. ( I haven't taken them up on this though.)
I think it would be such a good feeling if i could help someone. A way to pay back what others have done for me. The only question is, " Am I ready for that ? "
I'm having a hard time with the fact that I'm single / alone. How do you live as a single person? I haven't ever been alone. I married at age 21. Before that, I was living with my parents.
The quietness is what gets to me. I have to either have a radio or an audio book on. I even play one at night so I can fall asleep to it. I have no idea how t overcome this alone feeling. I need things to do.
Sorry to have talked too much. But it feels good to sort of " Get It Out ".
I should know by now that not everyone is the same or feels the same. Gets over grief the same way. Etc. Etc. I AM trying to get to get a Maltese. I'm trying to adopt an older one. Zsa Zsa is 10. But I'm waiting to hear from the agency if I have her or not.
It has helped tremendously for me! I tend to share my story a lot in my travels. So often it leads to "I just lost my husband, I just lost my mother or father, I just lost my child... empathy is on overdrive.
I don't share my story unless for some reason it is relevant. Some of this is an overreaction to the way my mother was, because the first thing out of her mouth if she met new people was "I lost my husband", which is pretty much a conversation killer because they don't know how to react. Usually if it is relevant, which it usually is in the context of "So what brought you here?" (since I moved 500 miles away a year ago), I say "...and then my husband passed away, and I stayed in the house a couple of years and then decided it was time to move...so I did, and I love it here." That way I get the point across without sounding like a buzzkill or making others uncomfortable.
I'm new to this group but I've been helping others for a couple of years who like me have (or had) a spouse with Early Onset Alzheimer's and I've shared some of my experiences so far in this widowed journey and they have told me that it helps them. If anything good can come out of both Rick's journey and now mine, then it gives me a little bit of comfort.