Two weeks before Melissa died, she looked at me and said "I want you to get married again". She went on to say she did not think I was the kind of person who would do well without a wife. The only stipulation she put on it was to "don't marry some bimbo that will spend all our savings". I notice there are a lot of people on here that have been widowed for many years without finding a new partner. Have any of you been in the same situation where your spouse gave you permission to remarry prior to passing?
my wife did the same. Larissa told me o find another. She told me there were plenty of women our age in need of a decent partner.And she told me she didn't want all her good training of me to go to waste! hehe.
I have struggled with dating etc. some friends have put forth their single friends. and my loneliness certainly motivated me to progress. i have had one long distance thing as i was until recently living in a very remote place. but i have been unable to commit myself. ive spent much of my adult life outside the USA and dont feel very comfortable back here . i feel kind of an outsider already even before my loss.
more and more i have realized i still have a long way to go and it has been four years....but it doest seem there is a single rule or timeline at all..
Timelord, love the bimbo line. priceless. my 1st wife was all about the money. Since i didnt have any, and she figured i wouldn't ever, she left. Remarried someone almost the same person as me, but has money. whatever.
But this is an interesting topic. One of the things i'm actually very sad about. As I dont really know what Marla's thoughts were on the matter. We talked about it a couple times while she was still doing good. But not serious, just jokingly. I know she would want me to be happy, ?? but HOW HAPPY. that's the question. Then none of it even matters, because.......no one will ever be able to fill the shoes she left behind. Not too mention, i'm now loosing my hair, (one of my best features) and i'm sure any female i find attractive, isnt going to give me the time of day. Marla, was one of those girls. I would have never asked her out. didnt want to deal with her telling me NO WAY. Little did I know she liked me too. And asked me out. You bet i said yes. best 8yrs i've ever had.
now coming back to this. Yeah, as most of us say here in, sucks being alone. But, it also doesn't suck. for my self, i'm mostly fine alone. but after having marla in my life. I really miss the female friend. which is what i would like to find. Not a new wife, not a bed buddy. Just a friend, that's a girl. as most guys dont get it.
too answer the initial question. no, i was not given permission, and I wounder about it often. how did she feel about it?
I just remembered back when I started my journey 11 years ago not understanding why some started dating early out or dating w/in a couple of years, a few widows told me I would grieve my husband about a year or two then afterward it would be all about me & my many losses. My loneliness would then allow me to date ...
I can't attest to it for myself b/c I was far too busy, but from what I've seen it ring true for many ...
My husband and I never talked about it. He fought for 20 months after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. He lived those as if all was the same. We didn't discuss that he wasn't going to make it. He never admitted it, to himself, or to me.
I wonder every now and then what he'd think. Currently I'm just starting year 3 without him and just starting to be curious about the idea of someone else coming along someday. That same line...He'd want me to be happy...runs through my mind, but what does that mean?? I'm happy now in lots of ways. Kids are good, house is good, new job is good. Maybe this is as happy as I'm gonna get?? I do think if it ever does come up, I won't feel I need permission. I think I'd just like to know he approved of my choice, not that he said it was ok to do.
About a year after Susan suddenly passed, I felt I needed to get out among people. She and I helped found a Ham Radio Club in Park County, so I rejoined and became a volunteer examiner. Now I proctor the exams for the ham radio license. I also volunteered for the HOA board. I became the treasurer, because the person who had it, had been doing it for 6 years, and given the choice between that and secretary, I went with the treasurer.
To pass the time I got on the radio and had conversations with folks all over the world. One of my favorite modes was digital and one morning I was chatting with a group of guys and I mentioned that I had over 14,300 contacts using that mode of communication. One of them ask how I could possibly have made that many contacts... As I was thinking of what to say, one of my friends who was listening, piped up "That's easy... He's living without ADULT SUPERVISION!" I nearly choked on that swig of coffee I'd just sipped.
As for our HOA, ours is not like the movie "Over the Hedge." Its very low key.