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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It has been 2 years, one month, and 3 days since my Husband was taken from this earth.  I still don't go a day without thinking about him.  Unfortunately, my own family has turned their backs on me and so I feel even more alone than ever.  My mother (Whom was my #2 person to talk to before Frank died) decided after watching me grieve for a year and a half, that she no longer wanted to be a part of my life.  She told everyone in the family that I was being this horrible person to her and she just can't deal with me anymore.  A huge amount of the family has chosen to believe all that she has said and won't have anything to do with me now.  I have reflected back to what I might have done to make her think that way and the only thing I can come up with is that she just couldn't handle watching me grieve anymore.  I had no idea that she was upset with me when everything went down and I had noticed her getting a little short with me but when I asked her if anything was wrong, she said no. It has made me feel even more alone and has hurt me so badly.  I know at times I wouldn't be the funnest person to be around but I was hurting so much inside from loosing the love of my life.  For the last 6 months I have had to grieve the loss of my Husband, Mother, and other family members now.  I will say that I do hold on to his family and my friendships more now because of what has happened in my own family.  It is still so hard to cope though.  

My question to everyone is this.....

How has your relationships with family/friends/in-laws/etc. been since you've lost your loved one?  Do you find they turn away from you or look down upon you for reasons you don't even understand?  Please share.  I need to know if I am the only one going through this.  

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My husband's mother decided to blame his death on me, and then tried to spread lies about me to poison the attitude of others towards me. She did not even come to his memorial service, but held something at her house that she did not invite me to. I have not heard from her since he died almost 5 months ago. I don't expect to ever hear from her again.

Hi - I lost my Frank too, over 2 years ago. His sister has been great, we are closer than ever. His brother acted like I no longer exist. His kids (not mine) are great too for the most part.

On my side I just have one sister and she is very understanding. It is so sad that your own mom turned her back on you. (((hugs)))

I've had my ups and downs with my mother-in-law. Things are okay for now but I know it's not good for me to be around her too much. I want to have a decent relationship with her (and the rest of my in-laws because they are my husband's family and also for my children). I love my in-laws....the loss and all the pain and emotions involved makes everything so difficult.

My dynamic with my family has changed also. I would say I feel some distance between us that wasn't there before. It will be two years next month since my husband passed. I thing the long road of grief is wearing on everyone. I know I'm loved, I also know that it's not easy for them to see me this way. At some point we have to accept what has happened, realize that we have a life to live and do it. I try but I take a step forward and a couple steps back....over and over. I would imagine a lot of people might incorporate some tough love on their loved ones, especially parents. I hope you can get things worked through with your mom. Have you been to counseling for your loss? We have to put in some effort too. Everyone in life has heartache and pain. We're going through something that feels comepletely traumatic to us but in reality death is a part of life and something we all must learn to cope with. (((Hugs)))
I am sorry for your loss. Grieving is not easy and at times, it consumes us. It can make us feel angry and impatient. We can be anxious and emotional. We may feel the need to talk or we may feel more comfortable saying little or nothing. Its hard to be our normal selves when dealing with such sadness and feeling like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. I remember years ago when a friend from work lost her husband. She was so negative about everything that before long, everyone seemed to be affected. Not knowing what to say, most of us avoided her so as not to get into an argument. She was very angry.

It's also hard for others to understand what we're going through. At the same time, we must remember that other people still have their own problems. We have to try to show some optimism (I know it's really tough) or people will begin to avoid us. I don't know your Mom, but as a mother myself I can tell you it is painful to watch a child who is suffering without being able to help. No matter how old they are, it is very upsetting. Is it possible that may be part of it?

When I said grieving is not easy, that may be an understatement. It can sometimes feel like an obstacle course. If it were me, I would try and have a frank discussion with your Mom. Is she really cutting you out of her life or do you have a feeling? Find out why. Try and get things back on track. You'll get through this, you need more time. Wishing you peace...

(((HUGS)))

First, be gentle & loving w/yourself ...

Secondly, do not place blame on yourself. Not everything under the sun is your fault or responsibility ...

Thirdly, its common for a widow to buy a new address/phone book ...

Fourth, do not compound grief by holding onto people who do not have your best interests in mind ...

#3 & 4 are very hard to learn much less hear. I've been there, done that ...

Another option is putting them on a back burner till you have the strength to cope w/them on an even keel ...

For now, stressing over their bad behavior is causing you more grief than it's worth ...

Both my families independently conspired in rejecting me w/lying, backstabbing, snide remarks, deliberately making everything harder, etc ...

For 2 years, I tried my best to be forgiving even though it was caused far more grief sickness than it was worth at the time. I believed I should keep relations good w/both families for the sake of the kids. Pifft!

The last straw was when they started f**king w/my kids --- they were ruthless & I was not having it no matter the cost ...

After 8 years, we're still good not having any contact w/either family. It doesn't have to be like our situation w/your family, however, a bit of distance can help you decide later on what you want to do about it ...

Good luck ...

BTW - Bob's 10th anniversary is close by, there hasn't been a day that has gone by w/out me thinking of him ...

So many many treasured memories ... you'll get there, too!

To directly answer your question, I have two sisters who now view me as competition for the affections of men. The change in our relationship dynamic is dramatic. They have no concept of what it means to be widowed.

My husband died two and a half years ago. I try very hard not to talk about him with my family members because I know that while they love him, they don't feel the same way about him that I do. And because they're human, each person has tolerance level limits for hearing anyone talk about the same subject for an extended period of time.

When they ask me how I'm doing, I tell them what they want to hear. Perhaps this has something to do with their misconceptions about my true emotional state. However, I have other ways of keeping Gary's memory alive, which at least to me are clear cut indicators of where I am mentally and emotionally, e.g., I still wear my wedding ring.

I also have a couple of friends who don't have a problem with me talking about him two and a half years later. And I know another widow who lost her husband two months before Gary died. We talk with each other too.
Hello xx
I'm truly sorry for all you are going through. My husband never fitted in with his family and they made him feel so unwelcome. Since he died they have caused me so much grief with wanting to arrange the funeral etc and have tried to find out if there is any money etc. Steve did not want a funeral. They didn't speak with him for 25 years plus. They are always arguing about silly things that Steve had no part in. ALL of them look down on me and his mother who is very elderly has expressed her distaste of me who may be 'just hanging on to his ashes' which I'm not. She, nor or his family do not get the fact that because he died suddenly the coroner is involved and 7 weeks later he has not been cremated. Steve died suddenly in a house he was working in. They seem to be blaming me even they haven't included him in anything for so many years.
You are not the only one going through this ..hugs xxx
His elder sister Called me the morning after he died that was less than 24 hours to shout at me for letting the police officers have her name. She didn't even ask what happened to her brother.
He didn't belong with them , he belonged with me. I loved him and still do. I'm broken.
I have no family on my side only my son who is steves step son and he is devastated even though steves family have said he can't be as it wasn't his dad!!! Steve was the only Dad he knew for 32 years!!!! This was all on Facebook..which I absolutely hate.
I also have a 'friend ' of 35 years who has messaged me once to ask if Steve died! She works in my local hospital where he was taken because he could be be revived. She saw it on her computer as she deals with sudden deaths.
She could have helped me with the coroners office etc as they were just awful, unbelievable. But she didn't.
When our most dear loved ones pass away the saying is true.you find out who your true friends are..
I have my son and one true friend.
Sending you an understanding hug.xxx
Alone, your story and others here are quite sad. I am not real close to my family but we do stay in touch. My husband was one of five boys and now there are two left. The one that was closer calls me now and then and stops by Christmas but that's about all. They were fairly supportive after his death. Have three SILs on his side, only have contact with the one but that's OK. There aren't any hard feelings, we've just never been that close.


My husband was stepfather to my son and there was a lot of love there. My son has never had a good relationship with his own father but he could always rely on my husband. My grandchildren loved him dearly. Not being real blood was never an issue--they have two other grandfathers that never interacted with them at all. My husband spent time with them, taught them things and played with them. The fact that your husband was a step parent has nothing to do with your son's feelings, he was there for him. That is what a father is and does, he was "real" in every sense of the word. Why some people can't
understand that, I don't know.

I don't go on FB, not my thing. I am sure it causes hard feelings from time to time. I just don't care for that type of communication. I have five nieces that go on as does my sister and one SIL. They share photos and things and I am out of the loop but I value my privacy, what little we have anymore!

I hope you all stay strong and focus on yourselves as you work through your grief--you can't change other people's thoughts but you can avoid toxic people. That's what I'd be doing!
I'm so sorry you've had such a series of losses. I'm no expert but having been raised my a mother with a personality disorder I recognize the signs ythat your mother might have that distorted perception that comes with that. It's incredibly painful to be on the receiving end of irrational anger, and to know your own mother says nasty things about you behind your back. Mine did too and my brother believed her I'm sure. Once I knew my mother has borderline personality disorder I lost my fear of her so my relationship with my mother would have been reasonably ok if she hadn't developed dementia in the last couple of years. The backstabbing was before my husband died, but I mention it here because I've also been maligned behind my back by my own mother and know the sense of betrayal!

My sister who I thought would be there for me has been absent as far as support. Never offering to be there for me or coming to see me which she can well afford. That's been a sadness. My niece who lives here is young and busy never extended any words of help either. I'm very introverted and have few friends who don't get it anyway so I have literally gone through this almost alone. I say almost because my son was there for me although at first he was kind of harsh, maybe worried that I would become a pest. Since then, 18 months since I lost my husband he's been his usual loving self.

My brother in law who was always in contact with us has never called me since the memorial for my husband so that's been weird and for the first while I was lacerated. Now I'm forced to accept that to my husbands brother I guess I no longer exist.

It's very strange how family can be so callous and I truly feel for you. At least here we meet others who truly understand and have genuine feeling and empathy. For me, this place has been amazing!

My Roses

Donut mom  don't worry. I  Iost the love of my life  in January 2013  and I still think of him everyday. I look at his photo and see his lovely smile.

The house has never been the same since.  He was loving and special and was cared about by many people, even his Drs when he fell ill.I have returned

to Widowed Village after a further shock... that I could not get back into  The Village to see my photos of him, or keep in touch

with my friends on Widowed Village because I could not get my password right.  I have been massively stressed about this.

Every morning virtually I look at his photo beside my bed.  I still talk about him virtually every day.  Even my mechanic for my car

talks to me about him as well.   I also found out that there was a Jewish Professor in Israel who had done a lot of research on Love of your

Life relationships. and went  on line to find him. Up popped his name, address, contact number etc  So I spoke to him about my

relationship and it was great to hear what he said and that his books had been published.  He  accepts  these beloved relationships

which the average person does not.    There are still times when tears roll down my face.  I have some beautiful large photos of us 

together andin one  he is looking straight at me with the most gentle loving face.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS IN GENERAL... BUT THE ONLY THING THAT HAS REALLY HELPED IS THAT  I WILL FOLLOW

THE  "NARROW PATH"  WHICH GOD TALKS ABOUT AND MEET HIM AGAIN.     Last Saturday I wwent for some spiritual help

and  my intercessor said I would meet him again.

My husband passed Feb 2, 2013. So you and I are a few days apart and half the world apart. I live in Washington state, where we just broke a 125 year plus record for amount of rain and number of days in a row of rain. I'm going on faith that the sun is still up there! Welcome back to WV.

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