Hi Doug.....Yes, I do! I think we can provide some good info/advice that we wouldn't necessarily be able to give in chat. Sometimes I don't even mention that I'm remarried in chat. I'm fearful that it will be too difficult for some to understand. (I certainly couldn't relate in those early days to ever getting married again!) So....my two cents! :)
Yes, Doug, this would be a very good thread, I think. I was married for 48 years and widowed over two years when I met someone. He had been married 48 years and widowed for 12. Last Spring we had lunch together and something "clicked" for each of us. I have been very hesitant to sharemuch about it with anyone here in WV because I felt my happiness would seem like gloating and not be received well.
Both his children and mine have approved of our relationship. We have decided not to get married. We each have a paid-for house (in different cities), vehicles and assets in our individual name only. If we did the legal paperwork route of marriage, I would loose substantially financially and it would mess up his trust big time. Further, I'm 75 and he is 80 and we want whatever is left upon our death to go to our respective children.
We leave tomorrow for a six-month trip in his motor home, first spending 18 days meandering from Seattle to San Diego. A fun adventure!!! We've been merging two households into one motor home as well as negotiating living with someone else again. Maybe this seems weird, but his wife's cremains are in a storage bin above the driver's seat and my husband's cremains are in a storage bin above the passenger seat. The four of us will travel together!
The biggie here, for me, has been several close, life-long friends, who are opposed to our being together without a legal marriage. This has been most hurtful and I grieve the loss of these people who are choosing to no longer be in my life. They profess to be Christians and tell me I am living against God's will. I believe God prepared the two of us to be together, to find companionship and happiness, and He has blessed us with the gift of finding love again. In my view, the legal paper work would only hurt us and benefit the government.
I've had almost no one with whom to share. Thanks, Doug, for giving me the opportunity. I hope others will want to share their stories, too. HUGS to us all on this new chapter in our lives.
barbee= I applaud your decision to live your lives as you want.
I just want to comment that a friend of mine wasn't married, and her live in boyfriend died. He wanted to be cremated, but because they weren't married the mortuary required his children to give authorization. So, it would be good to check some things with an attorney, such as burial wishes and of course a medical DPOA, as well as perhaps financial power of attorneys which would be activated should one of you become incapacitated. Now that I am widowed, and without children, these are things I am thinking about for myself (but alas have not acted on).
Good luck on your grand adventure.
Very good points! We've done all that and recently updated, giving all our children copies of our wishes. Not everyone wants to think about these things and I'm glad we had good legal advice and did it. It makes leaving town easier knowing all the nitty gritty has been taken care of and all should be easier for our children than it was when we were blind-sided.
Kinda like a Lifetime movie. He was standing in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant when I drove in. He nodded and said hello.
He held the door open for me. When we got inside, the hostess asked if seating was for two. We looked at each other, I smiled, and he said
"why not?" A quick meal alone turned into a delightful 3-hour lunch! We discovered we had much in common. The rest is as they say
Barbee, Congrats on your wonderful new relationship. i am so very happy for you and wish you both all the best ...... Take Good Care.........We all deserve to be Happy again and celebrate the lives of those we have lost in our lives and share and enjoy Love again..
Would you like this to remain a discussion as you've set up here or have it added as a "Remarried After Loss" group. The groups can have separate discussion topic threads within them, along with the basic chronological Comment Wall.
See the Long-Term Illness group as an example: http://widowedvillage.org/group/longtermillness