September triggers and occasions of all kinds.

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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on September 9, 2011 at 7:53pm

I've been dreading the month of September as 9/22 marks one year since Vern was here with me. It feels like such a big marker ... am I where I should be, where I need to be?  Have I done things correctly during this first year? Have I honored his memory?  Is it true that the second year is worse?

September was an important month for us after Vern was diagnosed with cancer. He spent 4 months hospitalized ... coming home for the first time in September 2006. He was in partial remission and using a walker in September 2007 so we took advantage of an offer to try out Crystal Pier at Pacific Beach. September 2008 brought us back to Crystal Pier, even though we were seeing signs that warned us the cancer had returned. September 2009 brought major surgery to repair an abdominal aortic aneurysm. And then it was 2010 ... no more treatment options, hospice, death. I think I'll feel better when September is in the rear-view mirror.

"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected."  ~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

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Permalink Reply by MissHIm11 on September 9, 2011 at 9:49pm

Dianne, 

You are heavy in my heart this month. Please don't bother yourself with asking if you are doing anything correctly. There is no correct way to be a widow. We are all just trying to live the best we can, however we can. You are an amazing and loving woman. I am hoping you find a little peace in your heart as 9/22 nears closer. 
Love you!!!  

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Permalink Reply by Jill on September 9, 2011 at 10:51pm

Tough memories Dianne. You are such an open-hearted, loving person. Just keep doing what you're doing.

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Permalink Reply by Susan B on September 12, 2011 at 10:46am

hugs to you Dianne on this special day. I hope you'll be able to wrap Vern's special spirit around you as a protective cloak to keep you safe and at peace.

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Permalink Reply by pegster999 on September 24, 2011 at 11:40am

Hugs Dianne.  You are in my thoughts.  Sorry I didn't see this earlier.

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Permalink Reply by Valerie on September 9, 2011 at 11:17pm

We've had a very hot summer, and just this week the weather turned quite cold for a few days. It felt like fall was already in the air, and it instantly made me so sad that another season was changing. Another season without Dave.

I'm at almost 15 months now. This time last year I think I was still in a fog. I don't even remember the season change or the entire month of September for that matter.

I'd been with Dave well over half my life. And I now have to live the other half of my life without him. I just can fathom going through another 40 or so years of seasons changing without him.

Wow, this whole widow thing just sucks.

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Permalink Reply by Marsha on September 10, 2011 at 11:12pm

Little did I know September would be the start of losing my husband. It will be a year September 16th that we lost Bruce's dad at 96. Bruce took his dad's death extremely hard. A week later he had what we thought may be the flu. Severe stomach pains. Refused to go to the doctor. Went away and came back a second time. Prior to Bruce's surgery we had been told he had 2 silent heart attacks. I suspect his so called flu was the heart attacks. Found information on the internet which leads me to believe this is when the journey started to losing my husband. Little did I suspect 4 months after my father-in-laws death I would lose my husband. This widowhood really does suck! God grant us serentity.

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Permalink Reply by twinsmum on September 11, 2011 at 3:11am

Well last Sunday (4th) was fathers day for us in Australia.  Took the boys and dad to the movies and had lunch.  The boys and I then went to the FIL's for a bbq dinner.  It turned out to be not a bad day but this week has been an emotional rollercoaster with many tears flowing.  Not sure if fathers day was the instigator for these tears.....Dads birthday was on the 9th so took him to lunch.  My brothers is on the 14th although he has been estranged from us for the last 6-9 years and then it would of been my mums 79th birthday on the 18th but alas she passed away 6 years ago in November.

 

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Permalink Reply by Susan B on September 12, 2011 at 10:50am

Our wedding anniversary will be at the end of this week. For many years we had gone to Nevada to stay with Keith's sister and BIL at this time of year. One year, we decided it was time (after 9 years togethe) to get married, so we spontaneously found a justice of the peace, and had a quiet wedding at a park near the shores of Lake Tahoe, just the two of us, the JOP and two bystander witnesses. (Who else can say they had soccer moms for witnesses?!)

So it came that our anniversaries were always spent at Reno/Tahoe. The seasons are always changing then, fall coming quickly on the heels of summer. Sometimes an early  snow squall would catch us on top of the pass, then we'd go down the hill into 90 degree weather! We loved the visits and always had a good time. Made lots of vivid memories on the long trips, and spent lots of precious time with family along the way.

 

This will be my third anniversary day without Keith and  will mark the 28th year since we met. It will be a workday for me but I will be taking a weekend trip up the coast for an annual reunion of childhood neighbors; maybe the start of a new September tradition. Right now, the future is nothing but question marks for me.

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Permalink Reply by christine76 on September 12, 2011 at 4:45pm

September is one of my rough months. My birthday is the 17th, our youngest daughters birthday is the 23rd and September 25th would of been our 13th anniversary. I am already feeling more down than usual.

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Permalink Reply by Grits504 on September 12, 2011 at 8:56pm

I turned 40 at the beginning of September. Last year I was in complete shock after having lost my husband 16 prior to my birthday ...so I was in shock. This year the shock is gone. It was my second birthday without him technically, but it was harder this year.

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Permalink Reply by WiddaWithHope on September 12, 2011 at 10:34pm

The first 10 days of September have been so hard.  On the 4th, it was our son's 3rd birthday. The kids getting older really makes the reality set in. Then the 6th was our wedding anniversary.  We had our first date 11yrs ago on 9/6 and were wed 9yrs ago on the 6th.   Last year, he was sick but we were able to celebrate it with a night out on the town and spent that night at a hotel.  Its just so lonely now.  Then the 8th marked 10 months since he died.  The roller coaster of grief has just done a number on me.  I had made a plan for the 6th. I really wanted to honor the day and our love - maybe to even try to "celebrate" it (weird word for a widow to use). I invited a group of family and friends to the restaurant we went to last year.  It went really well.  It was an emotional day but not a depressing day that I had expected. I think it was because i had a plan.  I did not have a plan for the 8th and that is when the depression hit.  I read some old email that struck me wrong and it was all down hill from there. Then my heart was just breaking for all the widowed people from/since 9/11.  I couldn't watch the coverage because it just brought me down. I finally came out of the funk today. Thanks goodness, I don't have any other special days this month.

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