A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Friends, each month I have been starting a thread for discussions related to the season and specific dates. While I expect we will talk about 9/11 here, please also share with us your other events, feelings, and grief triggers related to this time of year.
There's a lot of interesting reading now for those of us who tune in to the news right now, feel free to share those as well, along with music and videos, as usual. Thank you!
I've been dreading the month of September as 9/22 marks one year since Vern was here with me. It feels like such a big marker ... am I where I should be, where I need to be? Have I done things correctly during this first year? Have I honored his memory? Is it true that the second year is worse?
September was an important month for us after Vern was diagnosed with cancer. He spent 4 months hospitalized ... coming home for the first time in September 2006. He was in partial remission and using a walker in September 2007 so we took advantage of an offer to try out Crystal Pier at Pacific Beach. September 2008 brought us back to Crystal Pier, even though we were seeing signs that warned us the cancer had returned. September 2009 brought major surgery to repair an abdominal aortic aneurysm. And then it was 2010 ... no more treatment options, hospice, death. I think I'll feel better when September is in the rear-view mirror.
"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected." ~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
You are heavy in my heart this month. Please don't bother yourself with asking if you are doing anything correctly. There is no correct way to be a widow. We are all just trying to live the best we can, however we can. You are an amazing and loving woman. I am hoping you find a little peace in your heart as 9/22 nears closer.
We've had a very hot summer, and just this week the weather turned quite cold for a few days. It felt like fall was already in the air, and it instantly made me so sad that another season was changing. Another season without Dave.
I'm at almost 15 months now. This time last year I think I was still in a fog. I don't even remember the season change or the entire month of September for that matter.
I'd been with Dave well over half my life. And I now have to live the other half of my life without him. I just can fathom going through another 40 or so years of seasons changing without him.
Wow, this whole widow thing just sucks.
Well last Sunday (4th) was fathers day for us in Australia. Took the boys and dad to the movies and had lunch. The boys and I then went to the FIL's for a bbq dinner. It turned out to be not a bad day but this week has been an emotional rollercoaster with many tears flowing. Not sure if fathers day was the instigator for these tears.....Dads birthday was on the 9th so took him to lunch. My brothers is on the 14th although he has been estranged from us for the last 6-9 years and then it would of been my mums 79th birthday on the 18th but alas she passed away 6 years ago in November.
Our wedding anniversary will be at the end of this week. For many years we had gone to Nevada to stay with Keith's sister and BIL at this time of year. One year, we decided it was time (after 9 years togethe) to get married, so we spontaneously found a justice of the peace, and had a quiet wedding at a park near the shores of Lake Tahoe, just the two of us, the JOP and two bystander witnesses. (Who else can say they had soccer moms for witnesses?!)
So it came that our anniversaries were always spent at Reno/Tahoe. The seasons are always changing then, fall coming quickly on the heels of summer. Sometimes an early snow squall would catch us on top of the pass, then we'd go down the hill into 90 degree weather! We loved the visits and always had a good time. Made lots of vivid memories on the long trips, and spent lots of precious time with family along the way.
This will be my third anniversary day without Keith and will mark the 28th year since we met. It will be a workday for me but I will be taking a weekend trip up the coast for an annual reunion of childhood neighbors; maybe the start of a new September tradition. Right now, the future is nothing but question marks for me.