Single Parent or Widowed Parent

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by NMWidower on July 9, 2011 at 11:23am

Amanda,

 

Good for you.  They do have to love you.  ;-)  I chuckled as I read this, cause I can see this is just you being you! ;-) I think you are explaining this well and have given me good ideas of how better to do this in my own life!

I find more and more I am also starting to use the term ONLY parent too.  It seems like such a better fit.  Oh man the Dr appointment thing you mentioned, I think that must have been difficult.  I can only imagine with three who hard that is to make arrangements for things. May people realize there are times exceptions really need to be made for any rules.  I cant imagine bringing in all three kids twice.  I am sure its hard enough to do that ONCE.    Hang in there..  Pat-NMWidower

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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on July 9, 2011 at 11:47am

I'm wondering ... did she accommodate your family after learning you're an ONLY parent?  I sure hope so!

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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on July 11, 2011 at 4:14pm

Not poor receptionist, she never should have assumed that you were divorced.  I wouldn't have held back, I'd have told her that they're not old enough to do their weekly visitation at the cemetery by themselves so that doesn't help.

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Permalink Reply by Momtofour on July 11, 2011 at 10:26pm

oh do I know how you feel...and I have 4! 

The dentist thankfully takes all 4 at once, as does the eye doctor, but the pediatrician? heaven forbid he allow 4 kids in at once, even for flu shots.  I hate their ped for this very reason. 

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Permalink Reply by Krista Westervelt (whoknows) on July 12, 2011 at 7:37pm

I have no clue why pediatricians do this. My children's current ped will only see them separately, too. It makes no sense to me. My feeling is, if they could fit 2 kids (in my case) or 4 kids (in your case) in for appointments from different families, why not 2 (or 4) from the same family? It's not any harder to pull charts for 4 kids from the same family as it is to pull charts for kids from 4 different families. I really don't get it. Sigh. The only time I could see them not doing it is if you make an appointment for one and then say, 'oh, while we're here...' but w/ appointments made in advance for all of them... ridiculous.

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Permalink Reply by UpNorthWidow on July 12, 2011 at 8:03pm

Wow - I never even thought of this! But then again we have a family doctor rather than a pediatrician and even befor Mark died there were many times he would see the whole family at once - mom,dad, and the two boys. Of course not for invasive things but for acute care like sinus infections and immunizations. Ever since we adopted my youngest we have had dual annual physicals done for the boys. Maybe because they are both boys and not a boy and girl or maybe because our doctor is in family practice rather than a ped.

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Permalink Reply by Leighbod on March 9, 2013 at 10:43am

I am an eye doctor,and an only parent. They do it because people will schedule all four of their kids, and then not bother to show up. You now have a whole afternoon with no revenue, and staff with nothing to do. I don't restrict my schedule like that, because I know how hard it is for parents to get their kids on, and give them the benefit of the doubt that they will show up, but I get burnt somedays by no shows.

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Permalink Reply by Susan B on August 25, 2011 at 11:34am

Insurance reimbursements to the Dr are most always keyed to individual visits. Insurance may pay only for the one visit, even though he is seeing/treating 4 patients during one actual visit. That is why they like you to come back for checkups, lab readings, etc. More reimbursement.

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Permalink Reply by triplemom3 on July 12, 2011 at 6:06pm

So, I imagine many of us have Facebook pages...what do you list as your marital status?  Have you changed it from married to widowed, or widowed to single?  Just curious..I leave mine as widowed, because a lot of people I used to know may look us up and now have a little clue...

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Permalink Reply by Krista Westervelt (whoknows) on July 12, 2011 at 6:07pm

Mine says 'widowed'

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Permalink Reply by UpNorthWidow on July 12, 2011 at 7:55pm

I haven't had the heart to change it yet. It's not that I haven't accepted my new 'status' - Lord knows I face it everyday :-(. But I'm just not ready for all the 'sorry for you loss' comments. It's like taking my wedding ring off - I still wear it every day along with Mark's wedding band. My heart tells me I'm married still. My oldest son (10) states that I'm still married too. His only reference to 'not married' is his best friend's parents are not married but that is because they divorced - so he says I'm still married and does not see why just because his dad is dead that I should not be married. I guess we both still have some road until acceptance :-(

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Permalink Reply by Krista Westervelt (whoknows) on July 12, 2011 at 8:11pm

Change it whenever you are ready. Only you know when that will be.

You said that you're not ready for the 'sorry for your loss' comments. Are there people among your Facebook 'friends' who do not know that your husband passed? If people already know, I would imagine that you would not get such comments. I know when I got around to changing mine nobody said a word about it. Not one word.

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