Single Parent or Widowed Parent

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Permalink Reply by UpNorthWidow on June 9, 2011 at 12:31am

My fist thought was that during an interview for a job you should stick strictly to telling them about how you would fit well into the job you are interviewing for and nothing about your personal life. Something like " I really like learning new things and usually try to figure problems out by using resources that are accurate and readily available. When I am presented with situation that is uncomfotable I try to put myself in the other person's shoes and see the situation from their point of view.". As someone said job interviews should not include any personal information - in fact it sometimes puts the interviewer in an uncomfortable position. I have interviewed a lot in my jobs and it really is awkward when a candidate talks about personal stuff other than the weather or current affairs.

As far as what to say outside a job interview I have taken to just avoiding the subject of wether I am a single mom or a widow. If someone says something like 'talk to your husband' or 'it would be good to have your husband look at it' I just say that won't be possible and then move on the conversation. Because frankly random people don't really have to know my situation unless I feel there is a need to know. Since my loss is so new (Feb 2011) I am still wearing my wedding ring and right now I can't imagine not wearing it. When and if I take it off then I figure let people think what they want. Those people who are important in my life already know what I am - sad, loney, and taking each day at a time :-(

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Permalink Reply by Beth (oakhoopscoach) on June 9, 2011 at 8:54pm

I usually just tell someone how many kids I have; but even that is complicated as I have 2 step children from my husbands first marriage, and there is a big age spread, so if someone goes on to ask ages they often ask why the spread, at which point the step issue comes up and then sometimes the fact that my husband is no longer here! I don't think I have every on my own used either term, but I think of myself as an "only" parent, not a single parent.  to me single parent implies divorce and someone having some sort of responsibility or connection (although i realize that is not always the case in every divorce)

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Permalink Reply by UpNorthWidow on June 10, 2011 at 12:08am

I like the 'only parent' response. That is what we are now :-(

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Permalink Reply by Halfking on June 13, 2011 at 3:17pm

I say I'm an only parent - that I'm widowed.  Still not easy to say.  But I'm not sure in an interview setting what I'd share.

 

www.thesusie.blogspot.com

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Permalink Reply by Teresa on June 9, 2011 at 9:46pm

I think I like sole parent and only parent much better!  I'm just not creative enough to think of these things!  Thanks for the help.

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Permalink Reply by Patricia on June 10, 2011 at 6:02pm

i hate the term "Single Parent" because I have found most people use it as if it were a handicap.  John's ex used to run around saying she couldn't afford things because she was a single parent.  Maybe that is why I don't like it.  I think alot of single parents are single parents by choice.  They chose to end the marriage or they chose to have a child alone.  Widows did not choose to be single parents.

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Permalink Reply by Teresa on June 11, 2011 at 12:11am

That is kind of where I'm coming from too.  I don't like being considered a single mom, it is not my handicap, being an only parent is who I am.

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Permalink Reply by pegster999 on June 11, 2011 at 6:55pm

Honestly, I just stick to single/solo parent.  Especially when I don't feel like doing a lot of explaining.  I like to keep it as simple as possible.  People are going to think/assume what they want anyway, I have no control over that.

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Permalink Reply by A Widowed Father on June 13, 2011 at 4:28pm

If the topic comes up I use my name here, that is what I am, Peter the Widowed Father.  The topic doesn't necessarily come up everywhere though, most people just aren't gutsy enough to ask.  Take my daughter's dance class for example, now these are people I see every week, we spend an hour together talking about almost every topic, they obviously know Hannah's mother isn't around, but have any of them ever actually asked why, nope.  I assume that some know, because one family was in my daughter's class last year as well, and Claire passed a month into that class, so they know the story, and I'd be shocked if the topic didn't come up one of the weeks I wasn't there, as I know that I gossip about whoever is missing with the other moms...

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Permalink Reply by Teresa on June 13, 2011 at 11:35pm

You crack me up Peter!  You little gossiper you!  I agree though, I widow is who I am.  I am not ashamed of that fact.  I don't like that I am a widow by any means, but I feel that by letting others know that I am a widow I allow myself to still be attached to Roy in some way.

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Permalink Reply by stella777 on July 9, 2011 at 2:24am

When I have to say that I am a single parent, I always immediately follow that with 'my husband passed away, so its all on me'.  Not that being divorced is a stigma or something terrible, I always want people to know that I am single because I am a widow.

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Permalink Reply by Sleepless in Chicago on July 9, 2011 at 10:04am

Interesting subject - I am now adimant about how I reply.  I tell people I am an ONLY parent - not a single parent.  Then, I do a quick definition - A single is single - so still part of a "double" - whether divorced, separated, etc.  An only parent is it, nada, nothing else - the ONLY one.  And then if the situation fits I throw in that "I'm widowed, and it sucks."  Ha, people have got to LOVE me.  I do not like the implication of saying that I am "just" a single parent...because that is not the situation I am in, and that is a MUCH different situation. And I agree - in an interview, keep it vague. 

 

Just a quick example...was making a eye dr appt and they only take 2 per family.  I said I wasn't happy I would have to drag all of the kids in one more time for just one appt. since I'm an ONLY parent.  She said "oh, why can't u just come in when your kids are away for a weekend visitation? WOW I said I'm an ONLY parent, not a SINGLE - he's dead, not divorced." Then I thought of saying - oh ya, i'll just drop them off at the cemetery - but decided that was a bit much. :) Now that ticked me off...poor receptionist :)

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