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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

it feels like life is so damn hard

when will the winds of change shift

i made it 6 years - my youngest is 9 now - i guess i'm making progress toward the end goal of raising my kids

it's a lonely experience

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(((Bravo DAD Bravo)))

It's not just hard, it's mind bending! The fact that you're grieving and keeping up w/the demands of child rearing is one of the most challenging multi tasking jobs ever. There were times I was overwhelmed w/exhaustion I just wanted to run away! But I would have had to wait till after school to take the kids plus the dog as well as grief w/me - not much of an escape! There was not a moment in a day to just sit & cry or be alone w/my own thoughts - always on the go attending to family needs. Arrrgh! In retrospect, I can now see those challenges were good for me - it pushed me to work on my grief to model it for children of how a tragedy can be coped with even w/the ups & downs.

The fact that you've been doing this single handedly for the past 6 years is absolutely commendable.

As for being unemployed, I pay taxes as well as others to help families like your own to receive government assistance. It's more important for you to grieve, and for your kids to receive your attention as well as be home waiting for them rather than vice versa including your parental participation at school. Enjoy them while you can!

thank you Melissa

today i'm trying to not slide deeper into depression.  Today I feel scared.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I'm with smellisa as well! You and children no 1. Your a true gold hearted saint, keep up the good fight. Something will cause the wind to change. My hubby was canadian so I t day not your thing but Peace!

(((ROB)))

Sounds like you're very stressed out - single parenting can also be a contributing factor. When I was in that quagmire it made me miss Bob even more.

Here are some suggestions that I hope will help you.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/everything-hurts-and-im-dying?u...

Instructions for self massage to relieve fear, stress and anxiety.
"Stress caused from fear may not be that recognizable. The definition of fear is: 1. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence of imminent danger."

http://globalnews.ca/news/1825971/whole-foods-market-coming-to-edmo...

Walk in on-site massage. Call first to learn if it's offered & the cost. In my area, it's offered at both stores, charge is $1 per minute.

http://www.eruptingmind.com/understanding-overcoming-fear/

"When you are scared of something it is an automatic reaction. It is not something that you consciously want to feel. It just happens in response to something. Why you feel scared is because your body things it is danger, and so it alerts you to that perceived danger by making you aware of it and become fully aware of it."

"This inbuilt survival mechanism is called the "fight or flight" response and is hardwired into your DNA, which is why it can occur without you even thinking about."

http://www.life-saving-naturalcures-and-naturalremedies.com/home-re...

Natural remedies for depression.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/owning-pink/201103/11-natural-...

Other tips for depression.

Blessings …

thank you for your replies - they mean so much to me - wish we could all have coffee today 

I'm a new widow. Husband died Nov 19th. Like you, I have 3 small kids to raise on my own now. I'm very impressed that you have been doing it for so long. Wanted you to know that I am sure your boys are proud of you, and you can allow yourself to be proud of you, too.

I'm sorry you are a widow - it is a different road altogether when you have young kids and I send you some love energy today.  

I hope you find support here and have some in other areas of your life.    

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