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Does this happen to you?  While it has been 8 months since my husband passed away of Multiple Myeloma and my crying is not lie it was in the first weeks, there are days that the sadness lays heavy on me.  I still am not all comfortable with the alone-ness and the long evenings.  I met my  husband when I was 20 and we were married for 42 years.  I always had someone to count on, be with, and  love. We have two grown sons and one little granddaughter. One son is very loving and invites me to come over and participate in family things, etc. The other has changed a lot since his dad died. He has become distant. My husband and sons were always very close: lie three peas in a pod.

I still look over at Dan's easy chair and can almost envision him sitting there.  I miss the things he liked to cook for us sometimes.  I always knew he had my back. When my car broke down last week, I had to reach out to a cousin; I really could not think of a friend I wanted to ask for help. It is not easy to keep up with my yard work that I never liked and my husband did.  I have to hire people for all sorts of things all the time and so many things seem to have needed to be repaired or replaced this year. 

I think I took for granted in a way that I always had someone to be with, to go to a movie with, to go out to dinner with, to take a trip with, to pick me up at the airport when I went solo to visit some family, someone to call when my car broke down, someone to spend the weekends and evenings with, etc...

I am alone in a house that was a home for a family! I miss my family so much.

I am starting a program for women this week.  My husband and I started many such things together and as I got out supplies, there was his handwriting and it brought tears to my eyes.  I know so many people have it so much worse.  Some lose their spouse young and have to raise children by themselves for example. Or some have a spouse leave them and that is a crushing hurt.  I was so fortunate to have had decades with Dan. But I miss him so.  I never really considered growing old alone. Did you?

Some days I can stay busy all day and other days I am sad all day.  Weekends seems hardest when I face a day without too many plans. How is it for you?

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It will be 8 months for me on july 6th.  I think the "numbness" is wearing off and I am having a really hard time.  Constant crying and sadness.  I miss my husband so very much. I do believe grief takes a long while to leave.  Words can't express how much I miss him.

I have learned to use the lawn mower and now maintain the property as well as I can. Between work and the house I have no down time.  I'm happy to be super busy because when the quiet comes, that's when It hits me the hardest.  I can't even think of Thanksgiving or Christmas.  

Best wishes to all here who are in the grieving process

I am totally with you on all this. I am not constant crying and sad as I do my best to keep busy. But the quiet times--yeah.  The other night I dreamed that my husband was alive and in a hospital in Salt Lake City (!) and I had not been to see him and I had to get there as soon as possible but it was a surprise because we had already had the funeral.....then I woke and it took some moments to figure out what was real. But I was with him when he passed, and I saw his body at the morgue and the casket into the ground. But for those moments in the dream I thought I could see Dan again. But I will have to wait until heaven. But I will see him again.

I started to write "The worst days are the ones where I'm busy because I have so much that has to get done, but am so full of sadness..." but then I think that's not true. The worst days are probably the ones where I feel clobbered by sadness and loneliness, and have to force myself out of bed and to get on with the day. I'm sure if I spend time thinking about it, I'll find some other "worst days", because there has been so terribly much variety of new types of worst day to choose from since my partner's death.

Yes, Mrs. Linda, some days are just sad. Truthfully, most days are sad for me and I am 14 months since my husband died. I, too, don't cry like I did in the beginning but I still find myself having mini-breakdowns frequently. We met when I was 19 and were married 35 years. Sounds like a long time but I now know it was not nearly long enough. While both our daughters are here and wonderful, it is not the same as having your person, the one you counted on for all things big and small.

Like you, it seems my life and the house started falling apart simultaneously. Since Mark's death, I have had to replace HVAC, water heater, gutters, shower head, and toilet parts. This is all the stuff that he would have dealt with and having to take care of it all makes me feel more alone in the world than ever. That is probably stupid, lots of people do it all the time, it just magnified that he was no longer here with me. 

I recently did find a MeetUp group of over 50- lost a spouse group that I have gone to twice now. The people I have met are nice but it is not the same. I get nervous before going  and I feel exhausted when I get home. But at least it got me out of the house. 

Take care, 
Kris

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