Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I want to start dating again and my son is totally against it.  He is trying to dictate how I live my life and I am to the point of telling him if he doesn't like it then he needs to find someplace else to live.  He is 35 and I am 65.  I do not plan on spending my life alone and have told him that.  He just doesn't seem to get it.

It's been 15 months and 13 days and I would like to find a companion to do things with.  I have tried to explain to him that no one will ever replace his father but that I do not plan on being single for the rest of my life.  I am at a point to tell him he can accept it or find somewhere else to live.  Am  wrong in feeling this way?  I am not my mother who married less than six months after she lost her spouse.  I know that Jim would want me to move forward and that is what I am trying to do. 

I really hate to put him out on the street but it is my life and my future and I cannot allow him to try to dictate how I live my life going forward.  He informed me tonight that no one would come through the front door.  What he seems to forget is that this is my home and I make the decisions here and also pay the bills.  I provide the roof over his head, the bed he sleeps in, the food he eats and being able to do laundy anytime he needs to.  His dog would be the biggest problem for him and I am not sure I would let him take the dog with him.  He is my protector but then he does belong to my son.  It is hard finding a place that will let you have an American Pit Bull Terrier.

Has anyone else been through this or have any suggestions on how to handle it?  All suggestions and ideas are definately appreciated.  I just don't what else to do.

 

Views: 200

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Wow, Janet, this IS a problem!  I am a bit suspicious of your son's motives in trying to keep you from having someone new in your life.  He sounds much too controlling, to me...it would be more natural, I would think, for him to be happy for you and hopeful for you....unless he perhaps is worried that his meal-ticket would be threatened by a new man in the house, or that someone else there would question how much he is doing to carry his share, there at home...

Don't like the sound of what he said tonight, no one will come through the front door....what on earth did that mean?  That he won't "allow" it?  Or that no one would want to, only those who would sneak through the back door would pay a visit?  Honestly, that statement leaves me cold.  What was he saying?

Maybe I am reading him wrong, and if so, please forgive me, it is just based on what you have told us so far.  It may be time for your son to get out on his own...how long has he lived with you?  If he can't stand the idea of his mom dating, maybe you two need some space between you, to live your lives with more privacy. 

I hope you can find a companion to have more joy with in your life.  You are such a lovely person.  And yes, no doubt our partners want us happy again.  Good luck with your son. 

No Cristina you are reading him right.  My concern to at this point.  I cannot and will not make excuses for him now.  Seems I have done that since he was a child.  It is time he grew up and undersrtands that the world does not revolve around him.

It is my life and I do have to live it for him.  I will do it with or without him in my life and that is a very hard decision to make for a parent.  He is going to have to accept it or not.

 Janet, I don't have this problem.. I' not sure if he would go to some grief counseling.  You are the Mom and he is your son.

 I am sure he is trying to be protective. If he hasn't had a "serious" relatonship maybe he doesn't understand.

It Is Your House.  You love your son, but he needs to understand that you are alive. You deserve to have Fun.. you are not trying to replace Jim, but that you need to get out and enjoy life. Not roll up into a little ball and sit in the corner.

 You were used to getting out and enjoy life.. and you still deserve that.

 (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

So very true Bonnie.  I so totally agree.

 

Janet, I suspect your son is worried that you will find someone knew in your life and he won't have it so cozy at home.  I would imagine if you were in a serious relationship with someone they would be asking you why on earth you are catering so much to your son, and would suggest to you he needs to grow up and stand on his own two feet.

I know you have stood by him for a long time, which is a thing we do as parents, but there is a time when we have to hold our ground.  This is your turn in life to stand up for YOU!  Happy Dating!!!

Oh, my dear,

I thought you were going to say he was sixteen! No, Janet. You are right here and please do not think twice about your decision to date. It is your house and you are the parent and you get to make the decision. Time for him to move out and start his own life. I know you can find a dog that is protective of you if he wants to take his dog. Even my little fuzzybutts raise a large fuss and bite ankles readily.

Big hugs,

Suz

Janet you have every right to happiness.  Your son is over-reacting regardless of his motivation.  If you allow him to live with you he needs to be considerate and abide by YOUR house rules.  Not only are you the parent, you are the homeowner!  I well understand children honoring their parents, but they mforget thatn surivivng parents need support too.  Your son cannot provide such support. 

 

Perhaps some counselling, or at least a discussion between you both with others present? 

 

Please do not sublimate your life to appease your (unreasonable) son's expectations.

 

 

RSS

© 2019   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service