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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

My house is much too big for one person and the maintenance is difficult for me, but I am so undecided if I want to sell it and, if I did, where would I go? So many folks advise to wait a year. Well, I'm 5 months into this journey and feel that I need to start looking at the possibilities. Given that my Jim's death was sudden and unexpected, I had NEVER considered anything other than staying here till we were both gone.

I'm 63 which is relatively young, but old enough to not feel that I have the energy or interest to start a whole new life. Maybe things will change as this grief process unfolds, but it is hard for me to want to think about all the changes required to sell this house and then move elsewhere. On the other hand, I just cannot bear the thought of living out the rest of my life here in the old 6 bedroom house with the original 1968 furnace. My hubby was very good at doing a bit of maintenance here and there; he knew when and who to call in to fix things before they broke it seems. My cash flow is not as good as ours was before our nest egg became an "estate" that had to be divided.

I'm wondering what others are thinking. What are the pitfallls? Did anyone have some success with staying? Or with moving?

Thanks so much to all of you out there who share so much of yourselves here. Hugs!

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Liz, I'm with you.  It's been 7 month for me.  I have quite a few big money problems w/this house that I could address.  But I really don't know whether to stay or sell.  Or what to get fixed.  Or whom to talk to for advice about it.  Not counting the repairs, it is a very affordable place to live. It is a nice size.  A bit isolated.  But if I were to move, I don't even know where I would want to move.  I don't have a job, yet. Really, I can't picture myself anywhere.  I think I'd have to know where I'd rather be before making the move. 

It is so darn hard to imagine where I'd like to be.  Or who I'd like to be.  Since Ron died, I don't have dreams and aspirations.  Not at all. It isn't pleasant feeling "stuck".  But I guess at some point I have to define Some kind of goal and take a step to reach it. Don't know where to start, you know? 

Would the sale of the house help you out financially?


Right now I'm staying in our house, I was able to refinance so the payments are more comfortable.  It's  a small house so that's good and honestly the rents in this area are a lot higher than my mortgage payments.    It's an adjustment trying to keep up with a lot of it but I'm learning, one step at a time.

Liz, I don't check in here often but tonight, well here I am. I am about 8 months into this journey. I was told the same things, wait for a year, don't do anything rash...and so on...and so on. I am planning to sell my house. I thought I would be ready right about the same time out as you are, but I discovered I was not. Instead I bought an RV and am taking off in 5 days to travel for an unknown amount of time.

I think we all have to follow our own timelines. Following what others tell us, although stated with the best of intention, might just not be right for us. I think you should listen to your gut. Ask yourself what would make you happy, and take it one day at a time. I think things fall into place if they are right for us. Take Good Care.  

nope never traveled in an rv before but I am now.  I am blogging about this journey. If you want to follow it it is . Yes I have decided the only way for me to get through the last several years is to move forward and stay as positive as I can.  Thank you for the support.

Wow Janet - good for you!  I, too, hope that you'll keep in touch with us here ... or start a blog and give us the address so we can follow your journey.  

I agree with you that we must each follow our own timelines and not be so rigid about the stated "do's & don'ts" of the early days of widowhood. Your recommendation to listen to our gut, ask what would make us happy and take it one day at a time is spot on. Best wishes on your travels!

Thank you for the support and encouragement. yes I did start a blog about 3 days ago.  here is the address and please come along.

wow janet, i think that is wonderful, I wish I had the courage, rvng is what Tom and I wanted to do when we retired, i still have an old pop-up in the backyard but it needs some work.  i'll be following your blog and i do love your camper.  you should meet up with some widows on your travels.  good luck

Wow! You are so adventuresome, Janet! Good for you! I just gave our camper trailer to my sister because I don't know the first thing about it, and really don't feel like going camping without Len anyway.

Good luck on your adventure and keep us posted.

there is certainly a learning curve.  But there is with any thing that we try. When I took my Roadtrek on a trial run all I had to do was ask someone in the campground and they would help. As I set off to travel I have the campground host's phone number, 2 of the men who work at the dealer where I bought my rv have given me their numbers I feel like I will never be alone unless I choose to be.  There are many people rooting me on. Life is certainly an adventure. Here is my blog if you would like to follow me.

I will try to report in once in a while. I am amazed at the support here.

I am considering moving, but it would be to downsize for financial reasons. I was able to pay off the mortgage with the life insurance money, but I am still left with a large heloc that I have to pay off somehow. I figure if I can get some of the equity out of the house by downsizing I can pay off a large chunk of it. If it weren't for the damn heloc I would stay here as I am very comfortable here, and I have good neighbours.

One of the stumbling blocks is that I have a cat and a dog, so I need a fenced yard. If it weren't for them I could live in a small apartment. When I look around me I shudder at the thought of de-cluttering and packing up all of our "stuff". I guess for now I am going to stay put in the marital home until something becomes clearer. Unless the bank decides to call in the heloc because there is only me to guarantee and pay it now. Then I would have to sell quickly.   

Liz, so sorry to hear about the nest egg. All of our savings were in my name so I really didn't lose anything.

I really wish the kids and i could have remained in our home, but when my husband died, his pension was cut in half and I couldn't afford the mortgage payments. We lost the house; tried twice (unsuccessfully) to get a loan modification, and our home was sold in a short sale. We are now renting a little house the next town over. My husband would have wanted me to keep the house, and I really fought to keep it. Losing our home has been very stressful and sad: sad because of all the memories there and I didn't want to let my husband down, and stressful due to the legalities and the move itself. In renting, there's no stressing over maintenance, and our rent is much less than our mortgage was, and its smaller size is easier to keep clean.
Thanks ❤ liz3431. I understand...and it's okay. It's heartbreaking to have lost our home, but our most cherished memories are forever kept inside our hearts and accompany us wherever we go. ❤


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