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My house is much too big for one person and the maintenance is difficult for me, but I am so undecided if I want to sell it and, if I did, where would I go? So many folks advise to wait a year. Well, I'm 5 months into this journey and feel that I need to start looking at the possibilities. Given that my Jim's death was sudden and unexpected, I had NEVER considered anything other than staying here till we were both gone.

I'm 63 which is relatively young, but old enough to not feel that I have the energy or interest to start a whole new life. Maybe things will change as this grief process unfolds, but it is hard for me to want to think about all the changes required to sell this house and then move elsewhere. On the other hand, I just cannot bear the thought of living out the rest of my life here in the old 6 bedroom house with the original 1968 furnace. My hubby was very good at doing a bit of maintenance here and there; he knew when and who to call in to fix things before they broke it seems. My cash flow is not as good as ours was before our nest egg became an "estate" that had to be divided.

I'm wondering what others are thinking. What are the pitfallls? Did anyone have some success with staying? Or with moving?

Thanks so much to all of you out there who share so much of yourselves here. Hugs!

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I just moved last weekend, Liz.  My husband had bought an older home (1929) when we were dating (we dated seven years before marrying) and it needed work then.  Gregg was a wonderful man, but seeing the work that needed to be done to that house was not his strong point.  So when he died, my first thought was to fix it up.  Well, after having vents run to the upstairs so that we could get heating/air conditioning there, I realized it needed EVERYTHING!  I was talking to my husband's best friend who is a realtor, asking who to call for this or that.  He asked if I ever thought of looking at the condos up the street from me. I had, so on the next weekend, I found one with an open house...and then asked him to make it happen.  When I committed though, I felt terribly guilty, like I was deserting or insulting Gregg by moving.  But I love my new condo, and believe it was a good move.  Gregg died four and half months ago, and I know it is not recommended to make decisions like this in the first year. But I was either going to sink money into the old house or bite the bullet and move. I brought plenty of his things with me, didn't make it a ditching of my past life.  I want him with me ALWAYS.


Rain, I too have a potential "money pit".  I don't know what to fix in order to sell it (or enjoy keeping it).  It was our little "love nest", on a lake with sunset views.  But what did you decide to do before selling it?  Did you sell it w/all the flaws?  Did it "pass inspection"?   I guess there is also timing.  People will be more forgiving of flaws in a hot market.  It is heating up in the cities in Michigan, but on my lake, properties nicer than mine are sitting unsold for the 2nd summer in a row.  Timing is everything.  But what to fix before selling?  It is of an age that there is likely to be more and more problems down the road. 

Cupspinner, my husband's best friend is my realtor and he told me not to put any money into it...we are selling as is.  It has not been put on the market yet, as I am still trying to clean it out.  My husband kept everything, and I suppose I did a little of that also.  I had also not done a very good job of cleaning in the three years of his illness, so I am in the middle of huge project.  People are buying houses in my area to rehab and resell or rent.  I know I will not get much for it, and really, don't care.  It is paid for, so what I get will either go to savings or to pay down condo.  My sister has been trying to sell her house (different neighborhood) for probably a year, so that she can move to another state to be with her kids.  I hope mine doesn't  sit that long!!!

I don't really even think I am going to do staging, even though I have had a friend my church offer to help me with that.  I think it is just going as is.

Did you sell your house? How is the condo?

I am staying in our condo.  My Husband and I lived here for 20 years, downsized from a large home.  I don't have to do yard work, clean the pool, and the condo is the right size for me.  I am going to spruce things up with some new paint and flooring.  I can understand not wanting a big place to take care of.

I am staying in the house we bought.  It is not to big and easy to take care of.  Repairs need to be done but will get those slowly.  Changing some things to fit me and not having to worry if someone else will like it.  It is a big decision but do what you feel is best for you.


I'm 16 months out from when Tim died suddenly and unexpectedly. We had
Discussed at some point selling our home and moving into a townhome, of course the discussion always included that you could stay in your home and pay for services I.e. mowing, snow shoveling, etc. I guess I always thought if and when we moved it would be "we" not "me." I am s mixed up about it all. I have off and on looked at some townhome options but have not found anything to my liking. I think I'd prefer new so it eliminates the stress or worry of furnace, etc., being old in a used townhome. Fortunately my husband and i Had done quite a few updates with our house n the last several years with the biggest being new furnace, air conditioner in spring of 2010. We have vinyl siding and our roof is six years old. The house was built in 1983 so still has original windows. I do the mowing and yard work myself. I did hire a snow removal service last winter but after a coup,e months quit them as I didn't care for how or when they would do it. Between me and my neighbor boy took care of it. I am s torn between staying and leaving. Sometimes feel to move forward i need to move and sometimes feel somewhat content to stay. I guess for now I just keep looking online on the MLS website to see if anything comes . This will not be an easy decision no matter when. I just wonder what it will be that will help me make up my mind for sure. I am 56 and still working so its close to work. I have one son and he is married with a six month old daughter and he lives about 30 minutes from me. I think about moving closer to them but then I'd be further from work. I wonder too if being closer to them would help or hinder my progress? I feel like I lost the biggest thing in my husband...and then if I leave what do I have left that's familiar? When he died EVERYTHING changed so would I cause more harm to myself by moving. I wish everyone the best in their decisions and just another thing for us that isn't easy.


I'm wondering how your decision making has gone, since your post is June of last year.  At that point, I had been widowed one year only.  I have a 26 year old home that is FAR too big for me, but it's on a farm (which is a whole other factor).  There has been a foundation problem for several years, but I guess my  husband thought it we ignore it or accept what is, no problem  However, it has developed into enough of a problem that I know I'm facing replacement of all flooring in the great room.  It leave me in guilt/anguish/dismay as I look at flooring.  Such mixed emotions.

I have been doing my own mowing and snow removal, and this year I am exhausted.  I've called for help 4 times when my little gator blade and I just cannot cut the hard drifts.  And as I shovel, I keep asking myself, "how long do you think you can keep this up?"  But at the same time, I am grateful that it makes me go outdoors, get exercise and vitamin D, and just simply keeps me moving.  (I gave up my job when my husband entered hospice. So I need a purpose….sometimes I think it is tending the farm.)

So, I'm considering looking at housing 2 hours away, where I volunteer and where my son lives.  (Hoping I don't spook him by being too close!)  Sometimes I think if I find a place (maybe rental or rent to own?) and can transition to part time living there and part time at home (to keep an eye on basics of the farm), maybe that could ease me into the move.  

Now I look at this post and think "transition" -- is it better than just get up and move?   My situation isn't so simple and I think transitioning would create enough time for me to get through necessities where I am now (I've cleaned a great deal of the farm, but more can be done).  

A thought for you…. a son 30 minutes away is quite close.  Your work is probably holding you together in many ways, giving you purpose for getting up everyday.  But you will figure it out.   You can surely give me your input on my ramblings here.  Losing husband and job at the same time has really tipped me on end.   I hope to hear how you have transitioned the time from this post.  Take care.  Pat

The "For Sale" sign went up in my yard yesterday! It has been a difficult decision, and I'm still not sure if it is the right one. We bought this house in June of 2006 and it was going to be our forever home after we downsized from the big old farmhouse where the kids all grew up. I love this house but it just doesn't seem right to stay. I am going to rent an apartment instead and hope to be a little money ahead, so that I won't have to spend everything on house payments and maintainance. I will be taking a big loss on the house. We put a lot of money into it to make it perfect for us, and the market just isn't there any more. But, I never use our beautiful downstairs, (too sad), or the upstairs. I only live in half of the house, anyway. It's been 2 years since Jim died (also in June), and I have been thinking of moving since then. Tomorrow I have the first showing. Exactly 2 years from the date we got possession, and also his birthday. June is not my favorite month.

Thanks.liz143. I know. It was a perfect little house for us, but there are maintainance issues now. Almost time for a new roof, air conditioning, windows, etc. It's terrible that I don't use the space. Have started looking at apartments. I just don't know...................Everything seems so very small, and I have so much stuff. Hope it sells quickly, and hope it doesn't. It's so hard to know what we want anymore, isn't it?

i am still in the marital home that i had shared with my late wife which we rent from a housing association not ideal but obviously with her being gone and not getting the support i was hoping to have from her family,i am fortunate to be able to keep the home i am in now. We had been with the same landlord since 1997 our previous home wasn't suitable as she had mobility problems so where we are now before her passing our new home was all on one level with a doctor surgery with in walking distance.I am curious to know from those who have experienced a loss or currently going through that process what was it like for you to be alone in the same place that you once shared with your love one.I am asking this question as things are not so bad now but after my late wife's passing i really wanted to get out of the flat we once shared,this was after the funeral,still find it a bit painful too. Her presence was very strong and at times it wasn't pleasant ( i still sleep in the same front room that she could have died in) how are thing set for the future.

Well  i don't know how many of you stay up to date with current affairs such as news but as of now over in the UK our current government has brought in what is being referred to as a bedroom tax,it was made law last year at the time when my late wife was seriously ill in hospital( couldn't even be with her properly ) and came into effect this April. Does this cause problems for me yes,i have to pay a small share of the rent on the property (2 bed) which is about 14% if i stay with a clean sheet lol !!!! then when the time is ready i can do a kind of exchange or swap with another tenant. But the downside and seeing that as i am supposedly going through this grieving process,if some thing was to go wrong i would be pushed into arrears with the possibility of losing my home.

It has happened once before i had my own business at the time and my late wife was in receipt of state disability benefits luckily i sought help and all was well ( have been told if you lose your home under social housing its very hard to get back into) My late wife was disabled and was often seen as weak/soft target for example in the time we had lived together as a couple we were both treated as single people and yes we were married also,when this new tax came into force our local council said something on the lines of if my late wife had a full time carer with us we would then get full assistance with the rent,now how wrong is this !!!!!! I might start up a new discussion about what is currently happening with the home i am in but in the meantime feel to ask me questions  



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