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My house is much too big for one person and the maintenance is difficult for me, but I am so undecided if I want to sell it and, if I did, where would I go? So many folks advise to wait a year. Well, I'm 5 months into this journey and feel that I need to start looking at the possibilities. Given that my Jim's death was sudden and unexpected, I had NEVER considered anything other than staying here till we were both gone.

I'm 63 which is relatively young, but old enough to not feel that I have the energy or interest to start a whole new life. Maybe things will change as this grief process unfolds, but it is hard for me to want to think about all the changes required to sell this house and then move elsewhere. On the other hand, I just cannot bear the thought of living out the rest of my life here in the old 6 bedroom house with the original 1968 furnace. My hubby was very good at doing a bit of maintenance here and there; he knew when and who to call in to fix things before they broke it seems. My cash flow is not as good as ours was before our nest egg became an "estate" that had to be divided.

I'm wondering what others are thinking. What are the pitfallls? Did anyone have some success with staying? Or with moving?

Thanks so much to all of you out there who share so much of yourselves here. Hugs!

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It's been a year for me, and I'm still living in the marital home. The counselors said not to make life changing decisions while grieving as your mind is not right. I being a typical guy thought "bullcrap, I got this". I thought wrong. I did make what I feel was the right decision and listen to the counselors because they were spot on. I know I would have messed it up, and that's the last thing we need when we're still hurting. As I said, it's been a year since that awful day and I'm not sure that I want to leave now. Individual results may vary, my best to everyone here. We didn't choose it, it chose us and everyone's situation is distinctly and uniquely different.

Hi J,

Some folks move because of the memories.  Some move for financial reasons.  Some move to be closer to their adult children or other family members for support.

The counselors are right, one should not make any major changes or decisions in the first year.  In that first year we are consumed with the tragedy, legal mubo jumble, and other stuff. 

I chose to stay in our home after my wife of 35 years passed in her sleep one Sunday night.  My children thought that I was going to sell the home and move down into Denver.  But, we chose to move here to get out of the noise, smog, crime, and the increasing population.  We bought the land in '92, built in '93 and used it as a vacation and weekend getaway.  Neither of us dragged the other up here.  We both loved the peace and quiet.  So when she passed, I decided I would stay in the place I loved.  My decision to stay hurt my youngest.  Four weeks after she passed and was buried, he called to tell me that he could not come up here any more because he expected to see his mother coming down the hallway. It was too painful.  A year later he visited and 5 years later he came up with his soon to be wife and enjoyed his time here.  My oldest wants me to leave the home to him when I fall off my perch!   I'm glad I stayed.  I am where I wanted to be.  I feel very comfortable in my home, and it's gonna take the county sheriff and a team of oxen to get me out of here.

Sincerely,

Frank

I also decided to stay in my home after Bob passed almost 6 years ago. It is a large home in a young community, average age here is 43. I have been fortunate in hiring people for maintenance. I have good neighbors. After Bob passed I had 3 lists, one was keep the house, another buy a condo and the third was rent an apartment. I wrote pros and cons on the lists. After about a month I made the decision to stay in my home. I have advised friends to do the same when trying to decide about housing. We all are different and we have to decide what is right for ourselves. Money situations and health conditions are important considerations. I will be 80 next month and my health is good. Peace to all.

I was so glad to read your reply. My darling husband passed away a year ago April 29th. I have decided to stay in our home. Its a large home for one person but this is where I feel most comfortable. I too have great neighbors. Fortunately, my husband had already put things in place as far as the yard maintenance and inside maintenance. I have seven grandchildren who visit periodically and love to play in the backyard and climb on the deck. I am 71 and in good health. My husband and I had planned on staying in our home  until we were at least 80 so for now I'm sticking with our original plan, As you said everyone is different. I am fortunate that I can stay put for now. Be blessed.

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