Since Doug died & people said so many stupid things to me, I always wanted to have a page where people who were left behind, could share the unbelievable stupid things said to them.
1) The day Doug suddenly died, my parents came over & said: "You wouldn't believe the week your sister has had" I replied, "Really, did her husband die today?" My father responded:" NO, but she had a bad week" & as usual we talked about my sister as we have my whole life.
2) At 24 days in, his best friend called me to say :"" Come on, I know he meant a lot to you, but come on. get over it"
3) 3 People told me I was lucky that he died & it wasn't a divorce.
4) The lady who bought all his RoughRider (football) stuff said: "I am sorry for your lose, but wow good for me"
5) I lost 50 pounds in 4 months after Doug died. I just stopped eating, as I had no interest in food. woman at work said: "Well one good thing about his death, you look great"
6) My boss after first day back to work: "I don't care what has happened in your personal life, we just want you to do your job"
7) When you tell someone else what someone said, the idiot replies, "Well I am sure the meant well" ????????????????????
Wow, How people can just look us in the face and say such horrid things.
I read a quote after Doug died, "People aren't against you, they are just for themselves" Every time someone said something stupid it just reminded me of how selfish humans are.
I am so sorry they said that too you, we should be allowed to give people a slap, when they are stupid.
For some reason as I was doing the dishes I remembered the first stupid thing said to me. The nurse told me Doug was dead, took me to the trauma room, as I sat by his bed the Chaplain came in & said "Oh, did your dad die?" I told her to get out.
Doug looked his age of 50. I was 49. I had no makeup on & still in my nightshirt, & just put on some sweats. So I am sure I appeared young, but how can a person in that position not read a chart first?
Talk about tactless :-(
I hope these people go home and beat themselves up for days. I pray they don't say it & forget.
Jesus Christ, people are seriously self absorbed. I know, I had many of these "stupid" comments, and I would even go so far as to say "narcissistic" comments. At 2 months, my brother said "Really, you just have to get over it" thing...and tried to compare that to his having a friend say she didn't want to be friends anymore.. I simply and plainly asked him if he had ever had to visit the funeral home to view the bloated dead body of his spouse...that kind of shut him up.
Ali, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you lived through a nightmare, and I guess we should all give ourselves credit for doing that, somehow. One of my brothers said something really awful about my husband at our Thanksgiving dinner, and I let it go. They never got along anyway, and I didn't want to cause a fuss, I was too burned out after crying my eyes out during the Mass that my mother wanted us all to attend an hour before. I'm sorry your brother was so dense, I have one of those in my family, too! Peace.
"Someone else must have needed him more."
This was said to me within the first 1-2 weeks.
Bullshit. Who could possibly need him more than his wife and especially his two kids.