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Hello

Since Doug died & people said so many stupid things to me, I always wanted to have a page where people who were left behind, could share the unbelievable stupid things said to them.

1)  The day Doug suddenly died, my parents came over & said:   "You wouldn't believe the week your sister has had"  I replied, "Really, did her husband die today?"   My father responded:"  NO, but she had a bad week"  & as usual we talked about my sister as we have my whole life.

2) At 24 days in, his best friend called me to say :""  Come on, I know he meant a lot to you, but come on. get over it"

3) 3 People told me I was lucky that he died & it wasn't a divorce.

4) The lady who bought all his RoughRider (football) stuff said:  "I am sorry for your lose, but wow good for me"

5)  I lost 50 pounds in 4 months after Doug died.  I just stopped eating, as I had no interest in food.  woman at work said:  "Well one good thing about his death, you look great"

6)  My boss after first day back to work:  "I don't care what has happened in your personal life, we just want you to do your job"

7)  When you tell someone else what someone said, the idiot replies,  "Well I am sure the meant well"   ????????????????????

Thank you

Imogen

 

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Wow,  How people can just look us in the face and say such horrid things.  

I read a quote after Doug died,   "People aren't against you, they are just for themselves"  Every time someone said something stupid it just reminded me of how selfish humans are.

I am so sorry they said that too you, we should be allowed to give people a slap, when they are stupid.

For some reason as I was doing the dishes I remembered the first stupid thing said to me.  The nurse told me Doug was dead, took me to the trauma room, as I sat by his bed the Chaplain came in & said "Oh, did your dad die?"  I told her to get out.

Doug looked his age of 50. I was 49.  I had no makeup on & still in my nightshirt, & just put on some sweats.  So I am sure I appeared young, but how can a person in that position not read a chart first?  

Imogen xxx
I think I've missed a lot of replies here but wanted to say I understand how hurt you are. That is totally unforgivable.

This is a different situation but last week I had someone steve knew knock my door and ask if Steve lived here as he hadn't seen him for a while I replied yes and tried to explain what had happened ( this man had Steve booked to work for him) and he said ' oh I'm sorry you have lost your Dad that's very sad'
I explained to him we were/ are a couple and he apologised. I knew Steve would have laughed. He was such a people person and loved to talk to everyone about everything. I was and still am the recluse. I only needed him and our dogs, and after this man had gone I sobbed my heart out. Everyone and everything makes me feel so alone.
Hugs to you xxxx
And ...tonight I was out walking one of my fur babies. And another dog walker who knew Steve and knew he died suddenly said this..
N. "Oh how are you"
Me " taking each hour at a time really "
N " what happened about Steve in the end"
Me..just looked confused I think!
N " I meant did you see him"
Me" No the undertaker wouldn't let me" ( I'd already told her this a few weeks ago)
N Why.
Me " because they said it wasn't advisable as he had a post mortem and the coroners office had kept him too long"
N ' oh never mind it's probably for the best you can move on now and meet someone else"
Oh my word... some people are beyond clueless, stupid and callous... I'm so sorry ...

Talk about tactless :-( 

I hope these people go home and beat themselves up for days.  I pray they don't say it & forget.  

Jesus Christ, people are seriously self absorbed.  I know, I had many of these "stupid" comments, and I would even go so far as to say "narcissistic" comments.  At 2 months, my brother said "Really, you just have to get over it" thing...and tried to compare that to his having a friend say she didn't want to be friends anymore.. I simply and plainly asked him if he had ever had to visit the funeral home to view the bloated dead body of his spouse...that kind of shut him up.

Ali, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you lived through a nightmare, and I guess we should all give ourselves credit for doing that, somehow. One of my brothers said something really awful about my husband at our Thanksgiving dinner, and I let it go. They never got along anyway, and I didn't want to cause a fuss, I was too burned out after crying my eyes out during the Mass that my mother wanted us all to attend an hour before.  I'm sorry your brother was so dense, I have one of those in my family, too! Peace.   

"Someone else must have needed him more."

This was said to me within the first 1-2 weeks.  

Bullshit.  Who could possibly need him more than his wife and especially his two kids.

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