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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

There have been many misconceptions about suicide. It can be of vital importance to learn to properly identify your emotions/feelings for better understanding of your needs in developing coping mechanisms as well as discussing them w/medical professions for proper treatment. It may be helpful to keep a Human Emotions Chart as well as one depicting facial expressions nearby or on the refrigerator for referral. http://humanemotionschart.com

From what I learned from my children, if you cannot imagine how to end your life, have no regard for hurting yourself or automatically retract from danger like touching something hot it could simply be from a lack fuel: not eating or getting enough restful sleeping or drinking an adequate amount of water. Propel, Ensure Clear & sports drinks like Gatorade have electrolytes helpful in restoring balance as well as liquid supplements; both are quick in accessibility & replenishing depletions. Dehydration, sleep deprivation & loss of appetite are common problems in the first year as well as can continue on further if not addressed. They can cause a multitude of problems such as hallucinations, depression, confusion, delirium, irrational thoughts, staggering, falling, getting lost, etc. Hallucinations are tricks played on the brain from grief sickness, extreme stress &/or lack of something - sleep, food, water. Signs/synchronicites are different; they are meaningful. A person is drawn to recognize them when occurring. Swiss psychiatrist/analytical psychologist Carl Jung coined the term "synchronicity" to express "meaningful coincidences". Many are comforted by them before & after grief ends while others believe they hold them back from dating, remarriage, attempts at closure w/their marriage, getting on w/life. The natural grief process does most of the work. A belief system can be very helpful in soothing wild hair compulsions as well as tiredness of grief by empowering/reminding a person of their goal. Wishing, hoping or praying for death by slipping into it is not suicide, it is most associated with fatigue & burn out from sleep deprivation during grief ...

http://mindfulnessandgrief.com/grief/sleep/

https://www.stress.org/holmes-rahe-stress-inventory/

The Holmes & Rayhe Stress Scale rates death of a spouse (or child) as #1 at 100%. Stress scale for non-adults is also #1 at 100%. These results have not changed from the initial tests in 1967. Death takes it toll more than expected or imagined. Suicidal tendencies can have a different look to it. Both my children displayed signs of listlessness, numbness &/or anger. Due to their ages - their immaturity, they severely lacked the ability & knowledge of how to develop coping skills for the magnitude of grief & rage they were experiencing from their father's death by a roadrage driver. I found my daughter bleeding out from deliberately cutting too deeply after a stressful (trigger) day of school exams. I found my son about to hang himself from the rafters in the attic. Later I learned his math teacher angered (trigger) & embarrassed in class. Both experienced a NON-SENSORY ZONE - a black out while awake. It allowed them to cause harm w/out thinking about it. One child had quick access to sharp objects, the other had a plan - a noose made w/instructions downloaded from YouTube months in advance. Both were forms of spontaneity. I became vigilant in monitoring their moods & sleep using Tylenol PM when needed as well as asking about their day. Interrogation does yield results - they either lied or evaded questions. I, myself, felt I wanted to die until I surfed the web about my symptoms to resolve them ... Sleep deprivation has been used as a form of torture, however, the CIA & Senate Intelligence committee prefer euphemisms like "enhanced interrogation techniques" ...

Grieving adults can retire from work or isolate themself, identify emotions easier w/the help of an Emotions Chart or the web as well as purchase sleep aides. Adults have more resources & knowledge than kids. Children are expected to be resilient as well as attend mandatory school ...

It was reported Anthony Bourdain had been suffering from depression & exhaustion but also described as "giddy" in the weeks prior to his suicide. I recall this same "giddyness" in Bob's friend at his funeral reception. I knew there was something wrong, however, being fully consumed in shock I could not readily identify his suicidal behavior even though his disabled wife went on to say he had suddenly quit his 6 figure job, bought a travel trailer to go camping around the country & was completely "happy" w/his decisions. Jeff completed suicide 6 weeks later. The word "happy" is commonly used to describe a suicidal person's mood prior to the event. The word "giddy", not "happy" alerts my attention to suicide. Believe me, the last place anyone wants to be in is a psychiatric hospital - their treatment can be brutal. In my experiences w/my children, suicide & its tendencies were addressed, not their grief - it was compounded. It was a constant fight to the mat w/these mental health workers & insurance compant to get my kids adequate healthcare. Still pisses me off ... Learn what you are feeling to communicate it to medical professionals as well as limit discussion of this topic w/people who do not understand either suicide or grief ...

https://www.suicideispreventable.org

Just know, there are some widowed who do not relate - have not experienced these feelings or grief symptoms such as yourself. Some appear to have a positive attitude to keep their grief hidden as well as disguise or never discuss theirs to appear strong &/or give hope. A positive attitude can be helpful if done properly. It's a lot of hard work that can also lead to irrational excuses for bad behavior. We all grieve differently - it is what is done w/grief that makes the biggest difference. Be mindful of your symptoms to address them properly ...

Blessings on your journey ...

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Third paragraph, the sentence should read "Interrogation does NOT yield WANTED ANSWERS - they either lied or evaded questions ...

*** Take charge of your health ***

After thoughts ...

https://whatsyourgrief.com/physical-grief-symptoms/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/sy...

Like my own package from the funeral home, a list of grief symptoms may have been included in yours ...

"Thank You" SweetMelissa2007 for posting this very educational and extremely important/valuable information. You are a "Godsend" to our community here in the village. Peace Be With You...

(((HUGS Rockon)))


I have a big smile from being uplifted by your caring heart ...
Have you considered sharing your story or tips on how you have journeyed these past 8 years? I never had good luck, so I work at giving back & good karma. Hopefully, at least a couple of widow/ers will find my posts helpful & supportive, same w/you if you decide to ...
In addition, my son said Bourdain may have carried rope to practice making a noose or quickly make one or have a ready made one in his suitcase waiting for his time of entering the Non-Sensory Zone. My kids are brutal, whenever, we have a family outing they ask eachother if s/he can handle it or commit suicide over it - they try not to let me hear them. It's their way of coping w/their attemps. Talking about suicide nauseates me to no end, the memories are still vivid. It's a challenge I'm working to overcome ...
I truly appreciate your recognition, suicide is still a gut wrenching topic for me ...


"Whether one believes in religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion" ...
- Dalai Lama

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