A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Are you planning a vacation -- or does that seem too overwhelming this year?
Share your memories of summers past, or thoughts about new traditions you might start... or perhaps just the dread of living through this coming summer in a different way.
Do you have some special ways of coping or self-care in the summer, or trips and traditions that enrich your experience?
Or does the heat simply drive you indoors....?
My husband and I went to the Jersey Shore every weekend. We road our bikes on the boardwalk and had breakfast at a certain place. I have been to the Shore a few times since his death and have ridden my bike but can't go that route and can't go to that place. At some point I will run into the owner and my Husband was Mr. Personality, so I'll have to deal with it. Just happy I get myself to the shore and that I ride the damned bike for now. The ocean does calm me a little. I am pushing myself to have a life, not simply exist and mourn. Every first is difficult. Went to the gyno yesterday and prepared myself for his annual question"so , how is your husband?". didn't prepare enough , started bawling like a little kid.
We haven't had a vacation in almost 4 years. I was to scared to go far from the hospital anyway, but after Patrick was listed for his transplant, we couldn't go more than 4 hours away. So that left very little as far as vacations.
My mom bought the kids and I train tickets to go to Oregon for my brother's wedding, and then plane tickets to go out to her house in South Carolina for a few weeks. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also dreading it. This will be my first trip in 16 years without Patrick, but I know the kids and I need to get away and bond just the 3 of us.
MyHusband and I rode our bikes along the Jersey shore boardwalk every summer weekend and had breakfast at a special place. Can't go there. My Hubby was Mr. Personality, talked to everyone, loved to chat and now it's just me! Forget it. I still do a one hour bike ride from Ortley Beach but not the same route. I think I'm doing better than most. I push myself. Don't want to live with this feeling like I'm dying for very long. I'm only 2 months out but I push! Go to therapy, accept every invite, etc. Have great neighbors, friends, family. I don't ever think about dating but like I said before , thinking about 25 years alone is pretty frightening. Grace from 1953
The "Steve Day" flower garden that I planted on April 28th is growing well! Thank you rain!! rofl! I stop and look at it everyday. So far the deer haven't eaten my morning glories (don't worry, when they completely cover our little windmill and are in full bloom the deer will attack, haha). The zinnias are growing like weeds (or maybe those ARE weeds, who knows). But it seems like the seeds I planted are doing well. I guess Steve is still tending the the flower garden for me. He knows I have a brown thumb.
Ugggh, I don't even want to think about the summer. I live on Cape Cod and we always enjoyed our summers. Peter was a teacher so he had the summers off. He was the one who took the kids to the beach and took long walks with them out into the flats, looking for crabs. Supa, my birthday is July 2 too (ironically, a Cancer). Peter was diagnosed last June and a HUGE fundraiser was held for him last year that just happened to be on my birthday. He was too sick to go from the chemo so while 500 of family and friends attended, I stayed home alone to watch him. It was a very sad birthday. I knew that that it would be my last birthday with him and I was right. I am quite sure I'll never celebrate my birthday again.
It will be a very empty summer for sure. I can't imagine it without him. We loved summers, the parties, BBQ's, the non stop company....it'll be a very hard adjustment.
My partner Karen died in the summer and I found it hard to make plans for vacations after her death. No vacation in 2009. In 2010 I went on a women's bike trip in Martha's Vineyard and Cape Cod. I just needed to get out of town and it was good for my soul and I met another widow on the trip which helped having someone to share with. This year I managed to plan 2 vacations: Camp Widow and Chicago to attend a festival. Was it easy? No! Felt guilty as hell but I am okay with it now and looking forward to both of the trips. Karen and I LIVED for our vacations! We had some awesome trips and good times and met fabulous people and saw so much beauty in our great country and Ireland/England. We took LOTS of pictures and the boxes the pictures are in is THE hardest (of everything I have had to go through) to open and sift through the pictures. I am just NOT ready....It is hard to move on without Karen but I am doing what I can to make the most of life without her. I miss her deeply and she "visits" me when I see a hummingbird or butterfly. If she flutters around long enough, I have a conversation with her.....
I don't have anything planned for the rest of the summer. For the last 18 months we pretty much spent time between our grown children's homes about every three months. The first time I made the drive to my hometown was rough. I didn't anticipate the feelings and emotion I felt. Even though I had made the drive numerous times by myself, knowing that he would NEVER be with me again just hit really hard.
Not sure how I'm going to deal with the upcoming holiday season.
This is my second summer without my husband. We shared a love for outdoor activites, especially canoeing. The summer before we got married we went on our first wilderness canoe trip, a 9-day one and continued to do at least one per year in our favorite provincial park until he died. In the last 10 years or so we connected with paddlers in other parts of the country through a paddling forum and began joining them for paddling gatherings in many parts of the US. Last summer I went on a wilderness canoe trip with our frequent paddling partners, his brother, and two friends. Bittersweet but I enjoyed it. I also went to another larger paddling gathering on the lower Wisconsin River, a 9th annual rendezvous. Left to myself I wouldn't have gone but I was urged to go by friends in the group. Because my husband and I were tandem paddlers rather than solo paddlers like many of our friends I used the fact that I didn't think I could paddle the daily distances we did in a solo canoe. A friend, who usuallly paddles solo, then invited me to paddle with him in his tandem. This summer a planned wilderness canoe trip fell through because of unavailability of appropriate partners so we cancelled it. Because of personality issues last year, the friend who previously organized the WI R rendezvous decided to skip it so no 10th annual trip (done in August). However, I mentioned to a friend that I was missing paddling this year and we decided to plan a small gathering at a river much closer to me (only 75 miles away versus 250). That's comingr up in midSeptember and it'll be the first time I've gotten to see some of them since my favorite paddling partner was living. It is also going to be on the weekend of our wedding anniversary. A wonderful way to celebrate our life together. I'm getting very excited about it.
We use to go to Mesa, Az for Spring Training in March. I didn't make it this year, Ted died on Feb 25. He wanted me to go. I know this because when I kiddingly said I was going to take his ashes to the games, he smiled and shook his head yes. I just could do it. I want to drive down in my RV in 2013, but I'm not sure I really want to go by myself. I may force myself. Anyone live in that area that likes the Cubbies or Giants and might want to go to a game or 2?