A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Are you planning a vacation -- or does that seem too overwhelming this year?
Share your memories of summers past, or thoughts about new traditions you might start... or perhaps just the dread of living through this coming summer in a different way.
Do you have some special ways of coping or self-care in the summer, or trips and traditions that enrich your experience?
Or does the heat simply drive you indoors....?
Gavin hated summer, but his birthday was July 2. As it turned out, he died June 2. But he would generally take the summers "off" from his studio, and just putter and read and take notes on things... nothing strenuous. He wasn't even social because he didn't expect the weather would put him in a good mood often. :-)
There's one funny little thing I always think of each August. Where we live the summers are DREADFUL... humid and mosquitoey. But he always said "there are usually two weeks every August here that are just beautiful... clear and not too hot. No one knows because they have all run out of town for the month or they're just hiding in their A/C offices!" When he was alive I never paid much notice to this observation and just thought he was a little wacky. But now, I notice that it is usually true. It's nice to remember him with this rare, usually unnoticed, strange little observation, and strangely it has become a spontaneous tradition because it has been fulfilled each of these last 5 years! What a wise fellow he was, in some ways.
I'll bet this is one of the little bits I will remember forever... when lots of other parts of him have changed... unless I ever move away from here!
My husband, Ken, died on December 31,2011. I was in such bad shape from shock (it was unexpected) that I couldn't have his memorial service until this month. On May 18th, we had his service at Barrancus National Cemetery. It wasn't until that morning that I remembered that his birthday was July 18th. Upon realizing it, I felt a qualm of apprehension about both his memorial service and his birthday being on the day of the month. I suppose it won't matter. I suspect that my anxiety over the possibility of my reaction is greater than the reaction will be.
I won't be taking a drive to our local seaside retreat for lunch at our favorite restaurant or for the weekend just to get away. Not this year.
You've had a lot hit you this week, honeyspuddin ... your birthday and his cremation. Be kind to yourself. Just try to do one thing for yourself each day - even if it's only stepping outside and taking a breath of fresh air. Time does soften the edges of our grief, so just give yourself time.
I am planning a vacation to see "The Bean!" (the metal sculpture in Chicago). Those who frequent chat probably know this because I talk about it incessantly! ROFL! This will be a driving road trip for me and my son, we are taking a week and will be visiting friends and widows along the way, hopefully meeting a few widows at the Bean and for lunch, and road tripping some more after to MN to meet more, then back down to Kentucky for a family reunion on husband's side (not so looking forward to that one, but will put in an appearance), then back home. I want to live life with my son and do as much as I possibly can, and meet the people I have grown to hold dear in my heart from this site. I want to make new memories with my son and enjoy his childhood before he is a teenager and doesn't want to hang with mom as much. I know it will be bittersweet (my husband LOVED road trips, lots of memories), but I am looking forward to making new memories!
Kim---Have fun! It sounds like it is going to be a great road trip!!!!!
Good for you, Kim! Sounds like a great road trip full of new memories for you and your son. And I hope The Bean lives up to your expectations!
My husband died last spring. He left a messy estate full of family drama, years of hoarding, and a mower. That entire summer and into fall I mowed 5-6 acres of terrain (it was not a nice, flat lawn) for seven hours each time. I spent so much time on that mower thinking and pondering about what might happen....where will I end up....why did he leave things this way...you name it, I probably thought about it.
Yesterday I mowed for the last time at our home. No tears, no happy dance, just relief. Throughout the thirteen months that I have been dealing with his death and what has been left for me to do, each milestone just brings me one step closer to moving on and perhaps, figuring out what this new life has in store for me.
I trailered the mower to my new location yesterday. Although there is no guarantee that this will be my permanent home, it was nice to spend 20 minutes mowing. Actually it probably took me longer to clean the mower!
This summer I am looking forward to thinking ahead and not backwards. I want to spend time doing things that I used to do. I plan on trying new things, making new friends, and just being.......
You rock, TommiJ! I saw the mower picture on FB and meant to reply there, but didn't have the chance. Good for you for moving forward, I'm sure the hours on the mower were healing in their own way. Thanks for the lego "shoes" as well. Haha! Xoxo
I hear what you're saying about the lawn care. Oy vey, I love to garden, but we have Japanese garden style (which Ken loved). You can't just let the plants grow, they have to be constantly pruned. It looks beautiful when finished, but a month later it's dejavu all over again.
At some point, I would like to move to a smaller house, but I have three dogs. I'm not sure anyone would appreciate a new neighbor with three dogs. Even in my own neighborhood there are some people who reaaalllllyyyy don't like dogs. They're house dogs, we have a fenced in yard (privacy fencing), and I never let them out unless I'm with them. I don't think people understand that my dogs are less noisy than their teenagers having pool parties all the time. I hear words coming from the yards that I don't want to hear.
Oh well, whine, whine, whine. I love my fur friends and they're not going anywhere nor am I as long as they are here for me.
Juliana, I have 3 dogs too, and 2 cats, and a guinea pig. lol, but no neighbors really, so don't have to worry much about complaints. I would like to downsize eventually, but don't think a townhouse is conducive to three dogs, et al.
I have two fur friends, little white dogs with runny eyes, which I never thought I would have, but I adore them. They are "who i look forward to coming home to" these days. I have had two thoughts, one is to fence in by yard, which would be great as they love to be outside. The other is to move to a condo. There is one catch...they bark. They are not terrible, I have seen worse, but they do make noise and I, too, hear the neighbor talk, even the neighbors that like me!
And like you, these dogs aren't going anywhere without me!!!