A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Getting through your first holiday season without a loved one seems to be one of the most DREADED topics among widowed people.
Getting through the 2nd, 3rd, or even 10th holiday season without them can be hard as well.
Winter is dark, and parties show us who is having more fun than us. Sometimes we just feel alone.
The holiday season can also be full of joy -- even in the midst of sadness -- a chance to get out, a good excuse to eat and drink well, and for us, a time to reflect on what is going well. Year by year, it's also an opportunity to create new traditions that honor and include our loved ones and help us find who we are and what matters most to us. Holidays can be creative and about new beginnings, as well.
What will you do the same? What will you change? Can you be thankful? (Did someone bring you some chocolate?) We want to hear about it all.
Please share ideas, articles, posts, images and videos, and your own experiences of winter holidays. All religious traditions and cultures give us a chance to learn!
I wasn't sure what I would do for Thanksgiving as this is the first without my Tommy Boy. My friends offered invites but I just wanted to crawl under a rock and let the day slip away. I decided Thanksgiving morning that I would go to the Church potluck where my husband liked to go to Church, I never went with him to Church because I have been working weekends for the last year and a half. I drove his truck to the Church trying not to cry the entire way. I didn't cook a dish but did manage to bring two pounds of chocolates. I haven"t been in the mood for cooking since he passed in September, just been eating soups and such for myself. Some people there knew me, others did not. Everyone welcomed me with open arms and I had a fairly nice time. I sat next to my neighbor and his son James, he is 5 years old and Tommy and I both love him dearly. It felt comforting that I was sitting where Tom had sat last year and talked with some of the same people he had spoke with the year prior. I seem to be trying to find my way by reliving some of Tom's experiences. I want to see if I can find the same comfort in Church that he did. I drove his truck home and again only cried part way. Thanksgiving has past and I am still looking for my Tommy Boy to come home. I don't want to do the same things he and I did because now it is just me and my memories of us. I also feel that I am not alone in my grief when I read the stories that are shared here at Widow Village. Thank you all for sharing your hearts and I will try to share mine without boundaries in the hope that we can all gather strength through our stories of loss and guide each other through the Holidays. Until next time, Walk in Beauty. KittyCat
How very brave of you to go to Church and the potluck. I am proud of you! And I'm sure Tommy Boy would be also. This is my third holiday season without Mike and thinking back on the last 4 days, I don't think I cried at all. Time does heal, or toughen us up maybe is a better description.
I think one thing that has helped me most during the next round of holidays, that is Christmas, is finding places to help others. Planning my charity giving at Christmas makes me happy and helps me to remember it isn't all about me.
God bless you, KittyCat.
Well, this was my second Thanksgiving. Last Year I had the traditional thanksgiving dinner with his kids, I hated every minute of it and barely made it through. I didn't want to continue the same thing, i needed to do something different. So, being that i live in Florida which made it easier, I decided to go to the happiest place on earth. Didn't go to Magic Kingdom but did go to Epcot with a fellow widow sister, Emy, from here. It was the best thing ever, totally different from anything I've ever done for Thanksgiving before and I think it was good for both of us. Emy, thanks for coming with me, I really had a good time. Also got to meet Judy from here the next day for breakfast. Will post pictures
My first holiday season without Ted. Everything will be held a my house, as usually. I'm the only one with the room, and physically capable of having company. I haven't put my little tree up yet. But I will have to, since my youngest daughter and family (a 4 month old) will be driving down. Also, my middle daughter and my 5 year old g'daughter live locally and will be here, so I will have to put on a face. Sunday, Kylie (the 5yr old) and I put out the plywood Santa Ted made. There are more decorations, but my heart squeezed as I was getting the Santa out.
I went to a Christmas luncheon today and was having a great time for the first hour and a half then out of the blue, in a room with 110 people, I burst out crying and had to leave. It's my first Christmas without my husband (he died 1/18/12) and I think the tears were triggered by a passing thought about how much he would have loved the choir that was singing. I hate the unpredictability of the tears!!!
Fran, we pass through this. Yes the hurt continues. But healing comes. We will never be the same people we were, but we will become stronger and find the new normal(what ever that is.) Don't be afeaid of being left alone. There are many things to go through to recover ourselves. I truely believe that God has not brought me so far only to leave me in this pit. At the moment it is so very hard to just exist. But things have change for me in the last year. I have grown stronger. I don't cry constantly. I sometimes smile (and I even laugh.) Lonely, yes. But I have looked for others who have passed this way years before me, and I trust what they tell me. Time will allow me to heal and grow strong again. I will always love my passed wife.
God and my wife taught me what it is like to really love someone. I have become good at it. In time I believe that ability will be used again---in what manner, I don't know. But I believe I will learn in the future. But for now the future is not for me---I just need to walk through this day(tears and all).
Blessings to you. Just continue on your journey---the destination is not insight yet (and maybe not for a time.)
I too miss the hugs, more than I can say. (((((fran)))))
I've been down this past week. Then today happened. Those poor people who lost their children. Life is the pits for me. But worse for them. I will endure. I'm in Coquille, Or tonight in my RV. 2 of my granddaughters have events happening. One basketball, one a dance. I'm missing another granddaughter's belt ceremony. Hang in there everyone. It REALLY could be worse.
I like your attitude Su~~~~I couldn't agree more. I just lost my husband of 42 years on nov 6 of this year and then I had to put my dog down after 13 years of being one of the family. Even with this it could be so much worse as the news tells us today. What a tragedy and with presents under the tree for some of these children~~~and to go home without the child! Hard to even imagine how very tough this must be.