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Does anyone else do this? I lost hubby on Dec 12 this year. Now, I find myself talking to hubby, aloud or in my head, as I do something. Like, what do you think, maybe this one, huh? Or, okay, let's go get some veggies, I have to try cooking and eating something today. As I'm "talking", I feel good, in the sense that I'm calm and rational. However, I'm wondering if I'm in a state of denial without knowing it. If so, I want to discontinue this habit.

I would appreciate any opinion. Thank you.

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Hello - first and foremost... my deepest condolences for your loss.  And also first and foremost you do what makes you feel better.

And also...dare I say...a lot of us have done this and I'm sure many - including me - still do it...years later.

One cannot just...sever such...bonds...

Hi Maggie,

At 7 years out I talk to Susan frequently.  I make a point of talking to her on our anniversary, each night as I'm on my knees praying I end it with "Hi Darling, I love you and miss you, good night.  Sometimes I talk to her out loud and other times in my mind.  Somewhere I read that we had to give voice to our thoughts if we want our departed to actually hear us.  Dunno.. so I cover my bets by doing both talking out loud to her, and within my mind to her.


Four years out and I talk to Janet everyday.

In fact as I mentioned before, I have my phone alarm set for 5:11pm everyday (her BD is May 11th). It rings, I pick up the phone and tell her in a normal voice what I did or am doing that day. When friends are a round they just think I'm talking to someone. While I consider myself to be a very rational person this might sound crazy or extreme to some. The fact is it brings me comfort and that is what it's all about.

Thanks, everyone. That really helped. Years later, 4 years, 7 years - so I'm not the only one! I was not doing this a week ago. This week, I realized I was talking to hubby more and more. I began to wonder if I was developing a psychosis and that I needed to stop myself from going over the edge. I really appreciate that all of you shared with me your experiences. I see myself continuing life as the same wife/new widow so interacting with hubby seemed natural. 

Again, thanks a million!

What you do to cope when no one else is around is your own business.

8.5 years here, and yes, I still do it.

That's really good to know. I also think what I do is my business. The normal me is used to talking to myself as I do my chores or when I work at something. Talking to hubby now just came out from nowhere. Before this conversation, I was trying to make sure that I was not getting into a mental state that was unhealthy. I'm really trying to cope. 

  Me  too.   And  funny  thing  is  I  get  no flack.  No  argument  or  challenging  feedback.  Boy,  do I  miss  that!  He is  still  on  facebook  as I  have  no  idea what  his  password  was... so  I  go  there  and  talk  to  him and  stroke  the picture  of  his  one  knows or  cares-my  business  indeed.  I  read  your  post  regarding  your solo  travels.  Brave.  lj

Hey, Laurajay, it's reassuring to know that this "talking" is quite normal. I really thought that grief was pushing me over the edge. I didn't want this state of mind to continue if it could turn into something unhealthy. This grief is so deep and painful. Someone explained about cortisol levels and, hence, the result of a broken heart which is caused by inflammation (I may not be duplicating that correctly). As much as I'm struggling to go through this journey, I'm also trying to be mindful of habits I am picking up. I've met people who had grieved and end up totally depressed every day. I don't want to become that kind of a person.

Maggie, my hubby crossed the veil 16 months ago.  I talk to him every day.  Your soul is connected to his, so yes, talk to him.  He hears you, dear one.

Your grief is new.  Be kind to yourself.

Hugs ~Shirley

Yes, I believe our souls are connected. I've seen hubby sitting on the edge of our bed and there have been other strange incidents. He's definitely hovering and watching. 

How exciting..I have heard others say similar things.. I have not seen Ray as such but have had a number of dreams with him in them, which give me pause..

lol one was he was back in the SNF and I was sitting on the bed thinking..well I need to let everyone know he did not die,,,,I could interpret this any number of ways, so who knows

Last week, I was on the phone, talking and crying. My tv suddenly turned on. I was not touching the remote and I was at least ten feet away from the tv. Until that happened, I thought the several incidents that happened to me were a result of my lack of sleep and that I was hallucinating. 


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