A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Ah Kate - I get it. I spent 3 hours at the car dealer this morning getting my car serviced. They have wifi so I just took my laptop with me and settled in their waiting room rather than ask for a ride home. I hate having to ask for help with things, so I just don't ask. I've mentioned needing to get the cars in for service to friends but no one has ever said - 'hey call me and I'll pick you up'. I'm sure they just assume I'll use the dealer's ride offer. Probably a bit crazy that I don't, but your experience tells me it was a good call.
So many of the "man jobs" that we took for granted. I barely even knew how to open the hood. He always put the windshield washer fluid in for me and checked the oil. I always worry that I will be taken advantage of when it comes to repairs because I know absolutely nothing about cars. Guess I just have to hope that the guys in the shop are decent people. My shop has WiFi as well, so I just hang out there and surf and drink tea.
First time I went to cut the grass this spring, the lawnmower start cord broke off. That was good for a little cry. But I managed to find someone to fix it at a reasonable price. Luckily it's so hot the grass isn't growing fast. Just hoping I don't blow a fuse, because the electrical panel was never my domain either. Learning the hard way.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I had never pumped gas and my daughter taught me how to do after my husband died 8 weeks ago. Worse than that, since we moved to the mountains 3 years ago and decided to only have one car instead of two, I had barely driven and certainly not down our steep driveway. Now I have to do that as well, if I want to go anywhere. When I went shopping this morning, I had to buy case of water bottles and I had to carry that, too, because it is too damn hot to leave it in the car. I was so mad at him - I said "I hope you're happy now that you have md doing all the man's things," not to mention all his stupid paper work, calling to cancel credit cards, etc. Yesterday, one of the cc's asked me did I want to cancel my account and just keep his. It was all I could do to keep my cool.
Thank you all for letting me vent.
I have done may things since my husband died 3 years ago. Google has become a very good friend to me. LOL. It still sucks though. There always seems to be a period where everything falls apart at one time. There are a lot of things that I have done or fixed which I know wasnt the way my husband would have done it, but I always tell him, You are free to come back and do it your way at any time. There are some things I wont touch either like the fuse box, that is one of the few times I have pulled the widow card on my neighbor. But I have gotten a certain sense of pride in knowing that I have done something on my own. Good luck all!
Just checking in there may be something for me here yet! I find myself saying the same things.
Funny, today must have been car servicing day. I too went to the ford dealer and sat and waited because I also didn't want to ask for help, I never thought about wifi so I just brought my book and read. I was also worried about what they might say I needed and I was nicely surprised that all I needed to have done was the oil change. I had stressed about it all morning.
I ended up lucking out with that service appointment since I got a female service attendant. I shared that my husband had passed and I had let things go with the car and needed to make sure everything was ok. She just took me right under her wing. When she checked me out, she told me that I didn't need to have anything else done at my next appointment other than the oil change. She went over the things that would normally be done at the 90,000 mile mark and said that had all been checked this time at no charge. She gave me her card, gave me a hug, and told me to call her any time I had a question about the car.
Hi all, it does suck when you are taking up the extra load. I had a long time at that before Keith died and I was able to learn a few tricks and tips from him.
Jar lids still are a problem for me due to arthritis in my hands, but holding the jar in my left hand I get a large knife and turn it backwards. Strike the knife against the lid sharply and it will release easily. It takes a few hits sometimes, but it does work.
My lawn mower is ancient and in need of constant repairs and I am learning to pull it apart, remember what I've done and then fix the darn cord on it again and again. I lay a sheet of paper down and put all parts down in the order they come out and then I know what goes next. Another trick is to take photo's of each stage too and then you know what was where.
Car repairs are another thing though and while Keith was alive I found a good workshop where I know he is not going to push other stuff on me. He is too busy to be trying to get extra work. Just around the corner too so is a 5 minute walk home for me. It took time to find a workshop though where you can trust the people to do the right job without over doing it. I went to several who did before and it took time and lots of asking around before I found this one. If unhappy ask around amongst your single and widowed friends and you will soon find out where is best to go.
Next big task for me is to re-timber the decking out the back and that will be a new experience. Going to be fun though and I am planning on doing most of the work myself. Just waiting for the weather to pick up again so that I can get into it and finish it.
It is a very steep learning curve for us all and it's one none of us ever wanted but we are getting better at managing things each time we take on a new task and complete it. It's nice to look and say I did that myself. I am learning to be proud of the things I achieve too. I never thought I'd have to do some of the practical things I have done, but now I can do some of them very well, others..... they will come in time. Till then I will blunder about from new task to new task with lots of laughter, cursing Keith at times for not being here to tell me what I need to know and picking everyone else's brains to find out how to do it.
hi Dawn, I found a handy little gadget that looks like a bottle opener only it's all plastic. You slip it under the lip of the lid and lift up...it pops the air button and then the lid is very easy to open - not hot water or hitting with knives needed. I have small hands so find it difficult to get my hand around larger jars but no problems with the handy jar opener.
Love the idea with the photos when doing a job...my memory is shot! I've learned to take a photo on my mobile phone when i park the car in the city such as position markers in parking stations...so I can find it again lol. I'm still looking for someone reliable to service the cars.
After my first husband died I learned to mow the lawn (my dad always thought this was mens work so never taught me), I bought my own tools and did a household maintenance course - plastering, replacing door handles and all manner of useful stuff. We do learn a lot and become more independent and this is a good thing. Keep the useful tips coming they're great.
Yeah. I know that feeling. My husband always filled the car up. If I needed gas I would just go to a full service place, lol. When he first got sick he would still pump the gas but gradually he couldn't, so I finally had to learn to do it myself. Just one small reminder that I am alone now.
There are so many things that my husband did that I am clueless about. My father had to show me how to turn the grill on. I hate this feeling of helplessness.