Hi all, my name is Annie and i’m 22 years old and I’m nee here. My boyfriend Eric passed away on april 14th 2018 after being together for almost 3 years. He died suddenly and very unexpectedly from an undiagnosed heart condition. Everything happened so unexpectedly, I was with him the morning it happened and he seemed to be doing really good. It was just a huge shock! I really don’t know how to cope with this as i’ve never experienced this kind of pain or any loss in my family. Its so hard seeing all the couples my age starting their life together. He was my first love, a love that was so pure and simple, and I know he loved me too. We were also best friends. So hard losing my boyfriend who was also my best friend. We had so many plans together, like moving in together this year and travelling to Europe this summer. Plane tickets were bought, hotels were booked... everything was just going to be perfect. Now I feel like my future is empty and pointless without him, I have no interest in anything anymore, i’m so lost. I know i’m young, but he was my soulmate, and now i’m afraid I wont ever be able to find that type of love again. All I do is cry and sleep because my heart haches so much. I miss talking to him everyday.... My family and friends have been very supportive since and I’m thankful for that. I’m gonna go see a counselor tomorrow so hopefully she can help me with the process, because I don’t know where to begin with this.
Any young people like me who experienced something similar? How to cope with this? Any advices? Does it get better ?
Annie, I'm not young but, I do feel the same way. It's been 4months since I've lost my love. It has gotten easier to cope with everyday routines.. (Just like I was told it would). It's so very new and raw for you so soon afterward. I found it hard to process the advice given to me. It was so hard for me to except those feelings would get softer with just a little bit of time. I'm still struggling with my loss in a big way. I'm afraid I don't have practical advice but, I can tell you it does get better with time. Talking about it, helps and often just knowing you are not alone helps.
I am so very sorry you're having to go through a loss like this.
It truly seems inconceivable for anyone to lose their life at such a young age while others live on into old age. Its always a shock for everyone, but not as devastating for those outside a cathected relationship ...
When I became widowed, there was a large influx of widows from 20 something men dying from brain anuerysms, heart conditions & continuous war battle. I never heard of any explanations for the first two other than the conditions were undiagnosed from undetectable symptoms. It was just sudden death & traumatizing for those left behind ...
The grief will get easier to carry as you are forced to cry to relieve stress while time marches on. Unfortunately, the healing will come much further down the road ...
In your raw state, its best to focus on just taking care of yourself: eating, drinking plenty of water to prevent dehydration from crying, get lots of rest & sleep as well as try to avoid external (outside your safe place/home) stimuli that you cannot cope with - those that cause anxiety/panic attacks. There might be urges to do get involved in activities as you once did which is okay, however, you might find that you can only engage for a certain time till a meltdown begins - pay attention to how long before it begins - that's your signal to be gentle w/yourself by retreating home or to a safe place to grieve & calm yourself ...
Do come back to get support & understanding, answers to some questions or just to vent - its very helpful ...
Take care ...
Hi Annie. I just turned 33 this week. I was 31 when my husband of 2 years, Shane, died after a sudden two week illness caused by substance abuse. It's such a disillusioning thing. Shane was my 2nd chance at love. I was married at age 20 to a man who turned out to be abusive, even physically abusing my son, who is now 10. I divorced him when my son was 3. Shane was a good man and a great stepfather. I was not in any way prepared to lose him. Such a shock to the system.
SweetMelissa is right--the best thing for you right now is to focus first on taking care of yourself. Losing your love will be something you process for the rest of your life, although it won't always feel as sharp and raw as it does right now. Right now, there are probably a lot of things that you need to do to take care of you--and you probably aren't too motivated to do them. Drink the water, eat the meals, try to sleep, go to the appointments, etc. etc...anyway. I'm so glad you are visiting a counselor. The best thing for me has been discovering that there is a grief group in my area specifically for Young people who have lost a spouse or partner. It's hard to go to a group that's older people who had so much more time with their love. It's sobering to meet other people who are in their 20's, 30's and 40's who have lost boyfriends and girlfriends, fiances and fiancees, or husbands and wifes, but it also makes you feel more normal. My group in Denver usually has 12-20 people at every meeting, and we meet twice a month.
If you'd like to connect and chat, please send me a friend request. I am here for you!
I’m not young either but a loss is very painful at any age. Whether it’s a long term marriage or a young couple with hopes and dreams of a future, it’s never easy. To lose a person unexpectantly packs another punch—that of shock. It is quite understandable that it leaves you in such turmoil and grief. I am very sorry you have to experience a loss like this at such a young age. I hope counseling brings you some comfort and understanding but you can also come here. I believe there is a group dedicated to young widows but you may find you are able to relate in other places on this site. Hugs to you Annie.
You're emotions are very raw and the pain must be unbearable. I believe it does get better. I am not as young as you are, but I do understand how looking at the future can seem bleak because your plans are being abandoned and it can't be fixed. Not yet. Don't lose sight of the things you would like do or accomplish because Eric is not here. Perhaps those tickets can be changed and you can go with a friend who would appreciate what it means to you to go on. Maybe that would have made Eric happy. Martin would have been the best Grandpa because he was a great dad, brother and uncle. That was something in our future we couldn't wait for and I still can't wait. But it will be bittersweet. There are going to be many times these thoughts will grab you and make you want to scream and cry, but there isn't any skipping ahead in this process. Let your family continue to support you and take it day by day.
I lost my wife on 3-1-18. She was 27. I have the same feelings you have. It's far too young to lose your soulmate. To have your future anniliated. If you are open to a new love you will find it. It may take time but life has a way of moving forward if you want it to or not. You will form new expectations of your future. You will always miss Eric. That will never go away, he was a part of you. Carry him with you always. Let the memories of him give you strength. His love for you can be your guiding light. When things are darkest for you think of what he would have wanted for you. Honor his memory. Share your story. Annie you will find what helps you cope in time. For me it's music. My wife always wore her heart on her shoulder and I could tell how she was feeling based on what she was listening to. Continue to do the activities you and Eric loved to do. It will be hard at first but I believe you will feel better it will bring back the good memories. We are here for you.
My husband, Marcus, was killed in a work accident in January. We're both 32. There's no preparing for this kind of a tragedy. I'm so sorry. (((HUGS)))
I struggle with the secondary loss of our future together - we had the world before us and we planned to conquer it. Thankfully every day with him was an adventure and I do find comfort and solace in knowing we loved one another fiercely.
I hope the counselor can help you. I haven't yet found a desire to attend therapy, though I know it will help when I'm ready. My two children attend regularly though.
I am also a young widow and went through something similar to you. When my husband died I was also 22 years old. My husband suffered from epilepsy that was under control. He died from a unexpected and sudden heart attack. Reading your post has brought tears to my eyes because you are describing how I felt when I lost my husband. In the beginning nothing quite helped. For me having a basic, simple routine to get through the day was helpful...it brought back some sense of control in my life. I also found it helpful to speak to people that went through similar experiences. I did the same however, for the first few months all I really did was cry... and that's ok.
It will get better in it's own way.....it will get different. Try not to look ahead and take it one day at a time... one hour at a time.
I now hold onto the dreams we saw together ( we always dreamed of me becoming a doctor and helping others with epilepsy) and use them to help me live. It has helped me find some peace.
Pm me if you want to talk!