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I think all of you have encountered something similar to an event I experienced last night.

It's been almost 13 months since my wife died. Last night I was at a convenience/drug store. When making my purchase I was asked for my phone number for "rewards" (which is in itself annoying but that's not my point). I asked if we could make some changes because my address has changed along with my phone number. She entered the information she had and up came my wife's name, her e-mail address, and old cell number. Out if the blue I almost started crying right there. I hate it when unexpected memories, benign as they may seem, out of nowhere occur. Just seeing her name, her old email address, triggered memories that hit me, particularly around the holiday. 

It is what it is.

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HI Soulmate,

I call them "Zingers and yes they can happen for nearly any reason.  Something on TV can bring back memories of an earlier, happier time, and like a bolt out of the blue almost over come us with the pain of our loss.  Standing out on the deck, with a 32 degree temperature, and watching the large snow flakes falling through the pine trees had me crying like a baby one time.  Susan and I moved here for just such a sight, and she was not here to live it with me.

They do occur.  Try to remember the happier time, the love, and the joy, and try not to remember the pain of loss.



Thank You!

There can be many unexpected triggers, it's quite common with grief. It's unavoidable since emotions are still very close to the surface. It's that fear of losing control that's kind of scary. Deep breaths, biting my lip and getting away are the only things that worked for me. We're always going to have memories pop up in our minds unexpectantly, but with time, they don't "sting" as hard. Once our period of grieving comes to an end, memories become more positive.

I totally understand what you are saying--I remember it happening quite often. Each time, a surprise. I used to refer to it as being ambushed!  Hoping you will find your peace soon.

Thank you. She loved the beach. We are from Northern California and the coast line is quite beautiful. I have avoided going there, even though I would love to go, the memories would be too difficult, at least now.

For me I drive 20 miles out of my way to avoid the stores, shops and restaurants we frequented. Good thing my car gets 30mpg.

I had a couple of zingers when I came out of a grocery store where we usually would just buy one or two things. Both times I headed for the passenger door of the car, I used to run in while he waited. Brought me to tears both times.

Grocery shopping, seeing the new crop of clementines. He loved clementines.

I've been a widow for three weeks and 2 days now. My husband died of a gunshot wound.

My family and I have always loved fantasy/sci-fi thrillers and comedy/drama shows, but yesterday, hearing someone shot on one of those shows that I had seen probably a half dozen times in the past, sent me to a full-on anxiety attack. I hate that while my brain understands it, my body refuses to cooperate.

Sterling, I am so sorry for your recent loss, how sad. Maybe you should stick with comedies and lighter entertainment for a while. I remember watching reruns of old shows for a couple years--I found them strangely comforting. I guess it felt like going back in time when things were good, I don't know.  Sending you a warm hug...

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I wish there was more than that one word. I wish I could ease your pain. I wish I could do that for everyone here.

I just started crying, looking through my recipe file. I came across a muffin recipe that we had seen on a PBS show and downloaded off their website. He thought it sounded good so I made it for him and he liked it. It was in the first summer after we had sold the house, when we thought Frank had beaten the cancer.  Just a lot of memories of that time.

It never ceases to amaze me how a trigger can come out of nowhere and slam us. I remember walking through Costco a month after her death and coming across a baked chicken. I know it sounds a bit silly but she loved those! I almost cried seeing this baked chicken at Costco!  It was all I could do to keep it together.


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