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Jerry and I (OK,  Jerry) was a goer and a doer.  I picked one place I wanted to see with him and we didn't make it.  It was on the long weekend list for this fall.  Had I been more persistent I'm sure we'd have already gone but I'm not a nagger.  Jerry was the type of man that if he said we'll do'er then we did.  He was on his own time.  :)    So, I just received a watchdog alert for low airfare and we so could have totally made that trip!  Auto shows we planned, and registered for have to be cancelled.  Eagles tickets that I won't be buying.  The list goes on.  

Today marks one month since he's been gone and today it hit me;  the plans we made will go undone.  Spontaneous trips, have come to a halt.  These are the type of things I took for granted I guess.  I am still not used to the fact that our routine's are out of the window.  Although, I"m going to get back into some of the things we did regularly, not to honor his memory but because I enjoyed it.  

So, maybe just maybe, someday I'll take that trip to NOLA and I'll enjoy myself.  Not despite Jerry's death but because he gave me a sense of adventure and a little bit of wanderlust.  I had NOT realized it until today.  I always thought I could take travel or leave it; I touted myself as a homebody.  I will miss our adventures together.  He gave me some fantastic memories of places I wouldn't have been able to see without him.  

It's so incredible that a watchdog alert can send me yearning for the times we won't have and ultimately has me sitting here in amazement.  I'm still learning from Jerry and that, my new pals, gives me hope.  

:) Wanderlust, an unexpected gift from the man I love.  It's nice that I figured that out on the one month mark.  Something to smile about.  It's been up-lifting to think he keeps on giving!

Has anyone else learnt something about themselves after the death of your spouse?  I'd love to hear your story.  

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Rainy I do hope I develop wanderlust. Marty and I traveled the world. Both when he served in the Air Force and then when he became an entrepreneur. In just 2013 we said Yes to a timeshare. Now I don't see HOW I can travel without him. We were planning a month-long trip to our favorite place in the US, Sedona AZ. He told me early on during his hospital treatment to cancel all plans, including taking his new Jeep out there to ride the red rocks.

I do hope I find something to love without him here on earth now. He was my social director - an all-out extrovert married to more of (but not totally) an introvert. I ventured to parties, dinners, classic car and exotic car meets, meeting new friends anywhere because of and with him. 

What have I learned about myself since he went to heaven? That my world happened with him, because of him, and he was everything to me. Once I thought (even had a publisher ask me to write a book for them) that introverts had so many distinct advantages. Right now, dealing with grief doesn't seem to be one of them.

I'm trusting in God he'll give me what I need to walk through this.

InsideLove, Wow, just wow!

It is amazing how much alike it sounds like we are and how much alike our husbands were.  It sounds as if our relationships were even parallel.   I bet had we all met someplace we'd have all four become fast friends!  It sounds like Marty and Jerry would have struck up and convo and we'd have sat there smiling awkwardly, ha ha.  

I am doing my best to follow Jerry's lead and allow myself to step outside of the comfort zone.  That's my plan anyway.  I do hope you'll try to do the same with me.  Baby steps and then one giant step back, and one hop forward.  We can have joy again.  I don't know how yet but I BELIEVE!  God will give us everything we need.  :)  Let's just listen to him whisper!

Who knows Inside, maybe someday you'll be showing me around Sedona, I"ve never been there!  

Rainy I love your hopefulness. I also hope I'll hear God's whisper. Like you and Jerry, Marty and I had so many travel plans - 

San Juan Island,  Leavenworth, Ookanoggin Highlands - all in the Seattle or Washington area. Our son lives there.

What I am eternally grateful for is in 2016, we got to do one of his last travel bucket list items, Rhine River cruise. It was our 14th cruise. Every stop was incredible. Maybe you cruised?

Did I see a Harley Davidson in your photos? OMG - Marty - BIG Harley enthusiast going to DC for the Harley Ride, tooling around town either with or without me on the back. At one point, I had my own Harley.

So I will just keep listening.

Inside, Jerry himself is the reason I can be hopeful.  That and I firmly believe, this didn't just happen to rob me of my joy.  God isn't about being a killjoy.  Jerry was the delight of my heart and soul.  He was also a widower.  I know it was hard for him for years but I also know how much he loved me and how much I brought to him.  He made me feel it in his actions and words.  If he could go on to find another happy then I am sure we all can.  I don't necessarily mean with another person, I just mean happy/content.

No, we didn't cruise but I did look into just that very cruise.  I always thought we would have a few good years after my youngest child was old enough and trustworthy enough to be left home alone.  I hated the thoughts of leaving the country with her being so young.  I am so glad you got to go.  It really does look AMAZING!  

You didn't see a Harley in the pics. but he did own one.  He hadn't ridden in yrs before I met him.  He told me they used to call him putt-putt because he just liked to ride slow on the back roads.  He would haul it places but never did he ride long distance on it.  It's still in the shop, covered up.  I myself used to want a Sportster but I got pregnant with my son and that ended that!  

Keep praying, I'll help you with that and you help me, deal?  

Rainy, you should talk to Don, he went to NOLA by himself.

Barb, by myself?  I don't have the courage for all that!!!  Nor do I have the common sense loose in a strange city alone.... LMAO I just know I'll end up on the blooper end of a news reel.  

I wandered around Vegas alone while Jerry gambled one evening and I got lost in a hotel and I swear it took me an hour to find my way out the same door I came in.  I most certainly need a sitter, er uh a travel companion. 

You should go. I haven't been to NOLA since 2006. My second husband and I went every year for 11 years. I adore the French quarter and hope to go again. Doug had a 2003 HD fat boy and 99 ground pounder. He was a mechanic and cars were everything (that and our place at a lake). He finished restoring a 1984 SS El Camino Choo Choo custom just in the last year or so. His oldest son drove me to the memorial in it and his younger son drove me and Doug's ashes home in it.  

I've set a goal for next summer Epic!


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