Today I went out to lunch with a friend (not a widow) and told her all my widowed friends (that I met at Grief Groups) have taken their wedding rings off. I'm still wearing mine. Actually have mine as his wedding band welded together (went to jeweler) and still wear them... now this is 4+ years after my husband's death and I still wear our wedding rings on my "wedding finger" --- and my friend said something I just wanted to share, as I never thought of it this way. She said;
"If you lose your parents, they are still your parents. You lose a child, they are still are your child. You lose your husband, he's still your husband."
So why take off your wedding band?
I personally wear my wedding ring where I have always and then my husband’s wedding band on a necklace around my neck. I don’t know how, but it makes me feel closer to him. My husband died 7/9/19 so it has not been that long. I am confused as to wear it or not. I am always thinking safety, and if some idiot sees that I am a widow then they might take advantage of me. However, for now I’m wearing it. When I feel extra close to him like in bed or at church or having a bad grief day I hold the ring and kiss it. I know that might sound weird but it is just what is what it is.
I cannot ever imagine being with another man as far as getting married. As far as dating, I’m not sure if that will happen. For now the rings stay on.
I think it is a personal choice. I do believe in our vows but I believe that is when one departs not both. However, I’ve known people that believe they are married until they both enter heaven.
I too kiss my husband's ring to feel closer to him -- not weird at all!
Like you, I don't see myself ever remarrying...but it's been hard for me thinking about having a relationship of any kind. Locically, I feel too young to rule it out. But my husband was much more religious than I am, and he definitely believed that we'd be together again. This isn't necessarily my belief. It makes things complicated.
Many reasons and all of them valid. we each do what we are comfortable with.
I wasn't wearing mine because I had gained weight and it didn't fit and of course I didn't get it resized because I kept thinking I would lose weight. Well I haven't so I wear them both on a chain around my neck. for a while I was wearing the engagement ring then stopped because it is one of those that water gets trapped under the setting and I would take it off to dry and forget to put it on. I do still put it on some times if I am dressing up - which is not very often.
My husband has been gone for 2 years now. I wear his ring on a necklace, and my ring when I go out which is how I've always worn it -- I don't really like wearing rings.
I actually stopped wearing it after the first year, again because I don't care for jewelry on my fingers. But men that come into my workplace started flirting which made me uncomfortable. Honestly, this is the main reason I wear it. I still feel married and don't want to be perceived as single.
I thought about this some more (after watching a video on how to remove stubborn rings) and decided not to try. The way I see it, if anyone is going to be attracted to me, they will get to know me first. I am not that good-looking but have a good personality. So they can ask a mutual friend if I am married or not. In the meanwhile, my ring can act as a "no pest strip" to keep off the guys that are looking for anyone female who is standing upright and breathing in and out.
Vintage Barb, I love your attitude! BTW, I had trouble getting my ring off as I'd gained some weight and the jeweler sprayed Windex on it, and it slid right off... well with maybe a little tugging... But that does weirdly work.
Still wearing mine and his.... just had them resized, but I can't bear to remove them. My husband is still my husband in spirit...
Hi Dee1960 - I also still feel married and can't bear the thought of removing my ring, or his- which I took off his hand the day he died and placed on my middle finger next to my wedding band. They're actually two signet rings, one gold (his) and one platinum (mine). I plan to wear both for the rest of my life. I have no plans to make myself available by removing the rings. They are a symbol of so much, and are a part of me that I would not give up for another relationship. I'm with vintage56- if there is someone in the future, they'll have to know me first- (and accept the rings!). But honestly, right now (fifteen months out) the thought of someone else is nauseating. I might not always feel this way, but I sure do now. Hugs, GreenSofie
GreenSofie, that is so beautiful and the way I feel too. My husband and I had matching bands, though his was a bigger and broader than mine. He never EVER took it off, even though many medical procedures, refused to take it off and they would put tape over his wedding band. He died at home, and when they took his body away, they never asked (by "they": I mean the men in black) or said anything but after they left, I found his wedding band and watch on the nightstand next the bed.....
I have worn mine and his ever since, had them resized and welded together....
Weirdly his digital watch is still working... the died in 2015 and heck I've had to replace my watch battery three times since then... but his, I have next to his photograph and it keeps ticking and ticking....
My husband died May 3, 2019 and I wear his wedding band on top of my wedding band. It fits perfectly over my wedding ring and is comforting to me. There is no right or wrong just a personal preference.
It’s been 15 months, and there is no way I could take my wedding rings off. Maybe someday, but I don’t know why, I have no interest in dating. I still wear my husband’s wedding ring on a chain around my neck, with a little open heart that he had given me at some point. His ring gives me great comfort; I find myself holding it and feeling connected to him
As others have said, it is a very personal decision and everyone is different, I’m sure
Most widows I know, and also my widowed aunts, wear their wedding rings. They never plan to remarry. I think if one does wish for a new spouse, then they might not wish to continue to wear them for one reason but there could be many other reasons: just personal preference for instance. I lost my husband a year and a half ago. For the first year I wore my wedding band as well as my husband's (on a larger finger). Now I have those rings on the marriage cross in our old bedroom which I have not been able to sleep in. I wear a simple band that I call my widow's ring as well as a 'consecration' ring that has religious significance. I will never remarry.
Dee1960, your discussion caught my eye so I thought I would respond. Lately I wear no jewelry at all because I’m at home most of the time. One of the first things to usually come off when I return home (besides my bra, lol), is my jewelry.
Aside from that, I have decided that my ideal life would be shared with a new partner. At nearly four years out I think I am ready. Whether or not that person is out there is another story. I’ve decided that I certainly can’t send a message that I am potentially available wearing my rings so yes, I’ve taken them off.
I can’t envision another 25 without someone to share my life with. My mother was widowed almost forty years. She accepted it because much of it had to do with her faith and feeling as though there was one man for her. Some are more content in their widowhood. I don’t think I ever will be.