This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

Views: 41461

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Dear Sue,

I was in the same boat! I was very fortunate to find a lady who had also been widowed who lived 40 miles from me. We agreed to meet for lunch half way. Driving over, I felt like a 15 year old again LOL. We chatted for a few hours, and when we I walked her to her car, I said, I would like to see you again. She agreed, and we met for lunch many times after.

Had a strange moment last night.  I went out to dinner with friends (from my school days!) and there was another friend out on what seemed to be a date.  His lady friend was about my age but so different, blonde, well made up, smartly dressed and so...kittenish.  You know that chin tucked in flapping the eyelashes look? I watched them for a while, just hope they did not notice me doing it!

If I want to date I want to do it as ME, the way I am, the way I feel, the way I will always be.  I don't want to do it in false eyelashes and try to look 40 at 60.  Oh dear I do feel as if I judged the poor woman and shouldn't have but if that is what I have to do to date again - no thanks.

Wonder if I can ever find someone again who will love me the way I am?

That's ridiculous... you don't need to do that! I am 62 now ! Wdowed at 58 .. met a nice man on Zoosk who took me to dinner for my 60th because I was "alone".. .. in another month will be engaged.. you know, he's chubby, not in great shape and I'm not perfect but we make each other laugh and smile.. he's even seen me in the morning! Get over it.  Do a meet up or dating site. I don't believe anyone should be alone unless they are happier that way.

Hi grace....may I ask who you are responding to? I agree with you 100% that no one should be alone unless they prefer it...I have no problem being me, looking like me....BUT ...I need a good communicator with a sense of humor in the man.....I have met all bores, creeps or sex fiends....I'm not perfect either and don't look for it in someone you said you make each other smile and laugh....that to me is wonderful......I have found that hard to come by..

I only asked who you were responding to because the post above yours is dated 2 years ago....not sure if the person will see it....thank you for sharing your story with us....PEACE and happiness

Hi Grace28&Slick,
This does seem like an old link, I would love this discussion to begin again. What is Zoosk? Never heard of it. Ty

Hi Lakegirl....I;m in if you want to pick it up....I have tried I think every dating site out there....even the ones designed for older people I don't believe are worth a dime....older to them is 60....I personally have had no luck and won't pay to meet a partner anymore..if there is someone there for me and me for him I believe God will throw us together somehow.....I just let go of Match...I had 534 views in one month ..and contact from only men out of state. Not one in my area....I have been told by my family and male friends that I look 10 years younger then I am...I've let others read my profile and tell me that since there are very few serious men on these sites...they're looking for sex..(I just read an article about this yesterday, wish I would have saved it) all the men said that's what they want and women don't so they turn to women in their 30's and have no problem handing out $$$$$ ......I would never say I 'm not interested in a physical relationship....but I have to be friends first and then if it turns into more can't make this happen...although these men feel you can in a date or I'm just not the right type of woman for one site is better then another ..Zoosk is just as bad as all the rest....people talk about Senior People and Our TIme a lot...I have my account hacked and my pictures stolen and used on other not so nice sights...I have a male friend who told me I wrote to him on one of them and he knew it wasn't after being alone almost 5 years...and putting myself out there for almost 3 .....I have met no on of quality....I have made a couple of male friends...but not a partner to share life with....have fun...laugh and cry...a true friend and partner...will I ever??? I have no idea....I have one friend in IL ..I am in PA..that I met while he was here on business ..we have remained friends for more then 2 I have listened to all of what they're told me about men our age.....what they think of me....that's just my 2 cents for the's hard, scary and lonely.....PEACE

Good for you grace have been very lucky......I also was widowed at 57 and am 62 now.....I tried for 3 years to meet new closest friend of over 30 years [passed away at 50...I was 45 and my middle daughter had just passed at my close friends loss was excruciating to husband filled as much in me as he could...then I lost I am very alone......I have been on every dating site there is....and have met nothing but pigs.....physically or mentally.......or men who have no time..and just want a friend..via phone or e-mail .......I want to have fun...share...laugh together....I have been told I am a very attractive woman and look almost 10 years younger then I am...I have met younger men who can't believe I am older then them....and men my age who have fetishes...I have met every liar online, married men, men living with women who just like to play...everyone but a decent , nice , kind , loving man who wants to have some fun, laughs, enjoy a dinner, movie me the normal things in as I said you are very lucky....not all of us are....I have joined many a meet up my area no one shows up.....taken classes...joined groups...every one is just trying to kill time....I have put my faith in God..if there is another companion for me out there I;m sure He'll bring us together one day.....I wish you and your mate all the best of peace and happiness together....Chubby??? who cares...I'm not perfect either.....if the man is clean, well kept , has gotten a hair cut in the past month ..(unless he's bald  of course ) I;m happy....not looking for my husband when we were young...but not looking for a man who wants a 30 year old and he obviously hasn't looked in a mirror, bathed or gotten his haircut in 10 to you..

Only1Sue, do what your heart tells you is right.  That is my only guide these days.  If you are your true self, then if there is another man out there for you, you will find one another.  I believe that, I hope you do, too.  Blessings and good karma to you today, and always. Peace out. 

My roses  29th November 2013

I found this book which talks about  dating again and there is a lot information and articles about how womenover 50 are dating, having sexual relationships - even those in their  seventies.  One book re dating and couples who are happy in their relationship is:

The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal About Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship Hardcover . Author is Chrisanna Northrup   Visit Amazon website to read more.

The info about older women is from a new book written by  Gail Sheehy who wrote the book Passages.  Go to  the seasoned womens network website for more info.  But it does seem that  there is a considerable rise in women who are finding partners/marriage again into quite late age.  So there is hope for those who wish to start dating.

Gail Sheehy also has another website - so just do a search with her name.

Another finding has been that those who have romantic love seem to have  lasting marriages.

It is good to look at some of this, as it shows there is a possibility of happiness again.

My Roses   29th November   Some thoughts to ponder on....

Gail Sheehy - author asks this  question? 

What is a seasoned woman?

We belong to a new universe of lusty, liberated women who are not willing to settle for the old stereotypical roles of middle age. And we don't have to!

A seasoned woman is spicy. She has been marinated in life experience. She is at the peak of her influence and power. She is committed to living fully and passionately in the second half of life, despite failures and false starts.

How old is a seasoned woman?

As Vera told Auntie Mame, "Somewhere between 45 and death." Older is bolder - a seasoned woman is more activist, more managerial and political.

How Is a seasoned woman different from her mother?

She is passionate about her work, or a cause, or in pursuit of a new dream or spiritual quest. She is more likely than at any previous stage to report reaching some fulfilling goal or dream. She is very likely to be single, to have initiated her divorce, and to enjoy a lot of sexual activity. She is comfortable with herself and not necessarily looking for remarriage.

If married, she is very likely soaring after empty nest, cultivating a new and independent identity, following her passion, and enjoying revitalized sex with her husband or  a romantic love in a midlife remarriage.

mrsmcgoo I am well aware of the odds against remarriage at my age, and probably with my temperament also.  But I would love an arm to hold, another face smiling at me, someone to dance with etc.  Maybe I will have to just be content to go on alone?  Who knows?

My roses 1st december

 Professor Ben-Ze'ev is considered one of the world's leading experts in the study of emotions, and he set up the Interdisciplinary Center for the Study of Emotions at the University. His research focuses on the philosophy of psychology, and especially the study of emotions. Most recently, his research has centered on love and romantic compromises.

Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., is Professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa and former President of the University (2004 – 2012)

Love After Death: The Widows’ Romantic Predicaments

All of us have romantic predicaments; widows (and widowers) seem to have even more. Should they actively search for another lover? And if they find another lover, while still loving their late spouse, how can these two lovers reside together in their hearts? For widows, is loving again worth the effort of having to adjust to another person? And is widowhood the proper time to fall in love again?

Read  more at this link predicaments


Aaron added this song to his article. I played it and how Mariah sings.

What a powerful expression of  the pain of loss of  love.

Song by Mariah Carey


© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service