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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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Peach, thank you, although I am so sorry you understand....that's exactly what I don't want is a blow up....I have been making myself scarce, unavailable and he seems to be backing week neither of us will have anytime to see each other and that's what I've been waiting for....that's my out....our grandchildren...that we will both be babysitting..leaves us no free time...and whatever available time there is we both would want our alone it's short and sweet....there's just no time for each other...therefore I haven't set him off in anyway and have to listen to his crap....or have him say something that will really piss me off and make me fight back...I know what he does and how he goes about it.......I do get to a point after being beat on enough that I do fight back..I don't want to ......I want it to just fizzle out...I have things at his house...that I couldn;t care less I don't owe him an explanation which is why this is perfect timing...there is just no time...he can be quite nasty when he doesn't get his way ..and I really want no parts of life has been hard enough....I have felt bad in the past because I know I hurt him...but I know longer feel as I would be hurting him....thank you for caring and understanding without criticizing and judging...PEACE

I still see the man I used to date May till November last year.  He and I go to the same place to shop so about once a week I sit down and have a coffee with him.  We both know that is the limit of the friendship now and so it is okay.  If he started phoning me I would ask him to stop and tell him it is no longer appropriate.  We have to take charge sometimes and be an adult not the timid girl we used to be.  Maybe that is an age thing but really I don't care to be more than a casual friend to any of the men I have gone out with now.

Hi Sue....I am far from is something that I think annoys this man is that I am more confident then him....I would love to continue to walk with him and his dog a couple of times a week..have dinner once in awhile, but he won't settle for that...and I like you don't want anything more then that...

Slick I am both a confident and independent woman and yet timid in my approach to what I see as a confrontational situation.  So I do, in relationships, sometimes say I am fine with things when I am not.  Which explains in part why I am not in a relationship now as to change someone, especially myself means facing problems I don't want to think about.  Maybe I am the kind of person who is better off alone now.  So once more I am getting used to that idea, seem to have to do so again and again and again.  Slow learner

I know exactly what you mean, Sue- it's called "people-pleasing" and it's one of my biggest weaknesses!  It is VERY hard for me to call people on their bad behavior and if I do and they deny it, get defensive or get aggressive, I back down and retreat.  I have two beautiful granddaughters and  the one thing I want to do for them is teach them to stand up for themselves.  It makes me want to be on this earth awhile longer; the older is 3 and her sister just turned one.

Hi Athena...."people Pleasing ' is also something of which I am involved in...not wanting to hurt someone, some guilt if you how about we both do the same thing ..and practice...S------- or getting off the pot...!!! ...take care of those grandchildren...grandparents are so good for kids....

Sue , I get it..who wants to argue and fight with someone...we have been through enough...sometimes it takes time to end something so there is no battle....I have also said I was Ok with something only to be angry at myself the next day...I got used to being alone about 5 1/5 years after Bill passed.....and so far like it again....there's no strings attached, no one to answer to ..or to tell you what you should and shouldn't do or when and how......that's not advise to me , it's being controlled, and berated, judged...not things I like especially when I am looking for empathy and support....he is not it....some of us learn lessons first time around and some of us don't.....neither is right or's individual...

Excellent advice, BergenJC
Either s--- or get off the pot! # 3 is the only rational option with a good outcome

I just sat and listened to a man tell me why he couldn't trust women even after 35 years post divorce. Wish I could have just walked away but we were waiting for a mutual friend to appear.  She did come eventually. I do wonder why a person cannot move on, 35 years is a loooong time. It will soon be Christmas and I do the same old round of farewells, end-of-year meetings and "parties" again.  Most of the parties are really an end-of-year meeting but with food. Once again when the party is "bring a friend/partner " I wish I had a friend to bring.  Maybe next year I will line up some other widows to bring along and keep them guessing :) .

You sound very confident in who you are.

I find my confidence comes and goes. Some of the people I encounter take away that confidence but on the whole I feel I am okay with that. I don't always express what I féel as well as I'd like to but feel as if I am someone in my own right now, not just Ray's widow After five years I know a lot of people who never really knew Ray.

Got some adverse criticism from a new "friend" who said I was a "doormat" and no wonder I had not found a new partner because "no one !likes that sort of thing these days". Really cut me so perhaps there is some truth in it or was it just the case of being hurt once too often? Another blow to my confidence.


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