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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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I'm so glad you finally detached from this guy.  My first husband was a master manipulator, verbally abusive, controlling and financially irresponsible.  (Sorry if I'm repeating what I've already posted here; I know I've brought it up a few times.)  Ron was the opposite, thank God. I like to think I've learned from my mistakes, but manipulators/abusers can be charming till they reel you in. I hope neither of us ever gets entangled with one of those again.

Thanks Athena for your help.....I walked and never looked back....once I truly realized the good I saw was a phony act....I felt nothing for him .....I was married to a Viet Nam Vet ...raging alcoholic the first marriage....and I think the fact that this guy said he was a recovering alcoholic for 7 years....there was a trigger of normalacy for me....I know that sounds crazy but that's how PTSD works....he triggered me all the of course every arguement was my fault.....finally I got sick of his crap, knew he was nuts...and left....his character and morals left a lot to the imaginations which I would always think was in the past.....people make mistakes when they're younger and change...nope a little at a time ....I found out he was still the same deviant person...well at 67 ..he wasn't about to change...I have had no contact since Christmas Eve....left him then...and haven;t looked back...he texted me after about 3 weeks to tell me all my things were in back of my house...and that contact set me off......I am OK now...making plans for me....don't think about him anymore...since there is nothing nice to think about....I pray he never appears at my door ..since he still has things of mine..I told him to just keep everything or throw it out..but NO he had to drop PART of them off....I get what went on now...and that has made it so much easier.....thank you, thank you for your input....PEACE

I am finding that as time goes on I do prefer the company of my female friends. I can be myself and if I am not my best - well, they'll accept me that way. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder and wondering if he is looking for the "next best thing". I don't want to be the "for the time being" person he is with. I never had to doubt for a moment during my marriage that I was the "one and only" for my husband. I never liked dating. I had met my husband when I was 14 and he was 23 living across the street from my parents. He was living at home with his parents while attending college. I did date others but eventually - after we had both moved away from home - I asked him for tennis lessons. We spent more time talking than playing and found out that our friendship was more than that. We married. 

Maybe I am a compromiser, I know in my marriage I used to cope by trading one event for another, so if Ray wanted to do something I didn't want to do I would trade for tomorrow doing something I wanted to do. I carry that forward into my social life too. Of course sometimes it works and sometimes it just takes the pleasure out of life. Don't know that at  my age I have the power to  change that part of my personality. Does mean in a relationship I do a lot of things I don't particularly want to do. That also applies to my friendships with women. husband and I did that....and I have one friend who is more then willing to take works for me also...the only time I haven't done that in my 64 years....was with this Guy I met that I just finally was able to get rid of...everything was his way ..and he wanted to do nothing...BORING....I finally realized I was losing me....and told him...took a little while to get totally away from him and have peace...but I have.....compromise I think is a good part of any relationship....

Slick, I wish I could say something better will come along but I think that is wishful thinking. I hope instead that you have an opportunity to widen your experience of life which leads to better things. That is what I wish for myself too. I'm going through medical appointments etc right now so no social life and little time to think about anything else but this too will pass.

Thank you Sue...its a wonderful wish....and I'm sending it back to you......I just wish I had people to do things with and women.......but since all my friends and most of my family passed's very hard to make new friends and find interesting places to go alone in my area...

Went to a Lions dinner last night and sat next  to one of the widowers  from another Club. He is a very nice man but last night was locked into telling our fellow diners about his wife's passing three years ago. Made me realize that I can do that sometimes and what a dampener that can put on the party. Note to self, try not to express my grief at inappropriate times.

The only time I discuss Bob’s passing is with my sons and seldom with a few close friends and on this site. It is a difficult subject. I do talk about Bob. Bob had a good sense of humor and when I feel it is appropriate I will share stories. I don’t like making people uncomfortable. Now and then someone will ask me what caused his death. I just say he was ill for a long time and talking about it makes me sad and that ends that conversation . I don’t go through the nightmare of dementia. Everybody goes through emotional pain. Peace to all.

My mother used to greet everyone new that she met with "I lost my husband" or "my husband died."  It was a sure conversation killer.  When I moved, and I had to explain why I moved here, I just mentioned said something like "I'd wanted to move here since 2005 and when my husband passed away X years ago it seemed like the right time.  I love it here" ... yada yada and so on.  So it is mentioned in passing, followed by something else.  No more is necessary.  The truth is that no one wants to hear about it except our closest friends, and even they get tired of hearing about it.

Yes, that would be awkward!  Being a widow is part of my life but it's not the first thing I throw out when I meet people.   I'm fortunate to have many people around me who know and remember my husband well, some who know I'm widowed but never met him and some who don't even know I'm a widow because it never came up in the conversation.  It's a good balance.

My counselor of many years for my PTSD asked me once when I started a Widows Meet Up Group..if that's the only way I saw myself was as that of a widow and I of course said no...he advised me not to start with telling people...and to not describe myself always as a widow..maybe ...I am so & so, I like this and that , and someone down the road ...Oh and I am also widowed.....close family and friends as Athena said know...


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