I am not a kid anymore I am 66. The last time I dated was 45 years ago. I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.
In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit. Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.
I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with.
Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?
I totally agree.....I have joined many dating sites..and met a lot of men...none of them worth a second cup of coffee sadly....so either I will be alone or I hope to someday meet someone in person....most of my family except 2 of my daughters and my grandchildren has passed very young....thank God I have them....so I am very alone....have no idea where I could possibly meet someone, there are no groups worth anything in my area...men talk to me a lot in the supermarket..I have no idea why....20 minutes sometimes, no ring..not sure if they're married and just being nice , never get asked for my number.....UGH!! .....
I did want to agree with Athena...it is one thing I have never had a problem with , is telling a man ..I don't think this will work out, Best of luck...words need to be changed obviously in this situation and I think Athena's are perfect for the situation.....but I think he needs to be told..I was married to a Nam Vet with a raging case of PTSD and alcoholism for almost 30 years....so NO....could never go back.....
If ever this man asks again for a date - do be upfront in telling him you are not interested period. Firmness puts them off. If it becomes a back & forth in asking for a date, do not engage him - keep saying, "no, thank you" period. The more you engage him, the more information you are likely to give about yourself in learning how to pressure you to succumb - they are cunning. People don't drink excessively to gain courage, they do it b/c of alcoholism.
Regardless, of obvious dysfunction - all people look for certain personality traits in those they can feel comfortable with ...
In my work w/alcoholics & addicts, I learned they gravitate to nice people, apologists, the submissive, the exceedingly tolerant, the vulnerable to deflect themself & others from working on their main problem & all issues associated w/it. They look for particular behaviors in others that suit their needs - be the one he has misread. Many clients I had to say your radar is off to let them know it was not going to work on me no matter how often they tried.
They are also attracted to overbearing people. Those w/blatant obnoxious personality traits provide them w/excuses for their drinking &/or drugging - they are never attracted to strong confident people. Their need is to have someone to hide behind, blame, manipulate, the proverbial "yank your chain" as well as take of them. Everyone can attract obvious & not so obvious dysfunctional people, however, some more than others & that is what needs to be watched for as a matter of self awareness & protection. Hopefully, this will be a one time incident ...
Last paragraph to read as "take care of them" ...
Dayum. Did you know my ex-husband? ;-) Seriously- it all fits. He took advantage of my people-pleasing, non-confrontational temperament and knew all the right buttons to push. And yes, everything was my fault, including delays at airports. I hope I never end up in a relationship like that again. Correction: I WILL never be in a relationship like that again.
You could always wind up w/another type of high maintenance guy like I did. Bob-O was a thrill seeker/adrenaline junkie. I was forever saying, "you're jumping out of what or jumping off of what". The man drove me crazy! He always had bruises or scratches & lots of scars. I still have the pins used to set his broken bones after a crash on his dirt bike & a bad landing snow skiing. I always wished it would stop before old age, it was killed before he was 50 - not how I thought it would end ...
He's buried near his favorite day trip ski resort ... :-)
I tend to be a people pleaser but have a feisty side too so some people do get the benefit of my unfiltered honest opinion. I guess because of his advanced years I am showing some restrain, maybe too much though. IfI it happens again he will get my ice cold opinion and hopefully retreat. The problem is that course that as a member of the same organisation it is hard to avoid him all together.
I wonder sue if you say hello politely at the beginning of a meeting or dinner..and mention that maybe he doesn't realize it but he has been doing whatever it is you don't like, being pressured...hit on....but you would like if he would stop...then if he does it again...tell him there you are doing it again ..and get up and move...try to stay away from him so you don't have to put up with him OR start something ...usually my icy , please stop it..works...as I'm sure your;s will...good luck ..let us know how it goes next time around...and if he drinks too much..he probably has no idea what he 's doing and if you say something when he's already half lit..he won't get it and may get nasty....good luck...
HE should be avoiding YOU if this continues. If a private conversation has no effect and he starts up again in public, be prepared with a reply such as, "I've told you I'm not interested. Now back off". Maybe he'll be embarrassed enough to avoid you after that. You shouldn't be the one who has to duck out of his way at meetings. You're not the one in the wrong.
Agreed....I just really hold true that this must be done before he starts drinking, if he drinks that much....or he won't get it and could get nasty...JMO
I’m 61 years old, soon to be 62. I’ve been widowed for nearly 6 years, after being married for 28 years. I didn’t know what to expect when I first started dating. I did some online dating. Clients and friends introduced me to their friends for dating. I continue to receive those offers. It has been easy to meet women, but not necessarily the right one. One of my neighbors said to me early on, “Mac, so many men remarry during the first couple of years, but I don’t see you doing that. Cindy and you were such a great couple, but you were both so independent.” I do believe that there is a lot of truth in that statement.
Before I got married, I almost always traveled alone. I didn’t want to worry about anyone else. I wanted to have the opportunity to be spontaneous with the people that I met along the way. I’ve never been wired to feel lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I did feel so lonely in so many ways after Cindy passed. But with time and healing, so many of those feelings have disappeared. Much as I enjoy spending time with others, I cherish my time spent alone.
I’ve been in two relationships since Cindy passed. One lasted 9 months and the other nearly 3 years. I’ve taken a break from dating since my last relationship ended, but I am open to dating. Remarrying and/or living with someone is not as much of a goal for me at this time. I certainly would love to find love again. I think that it would be wonderful to find that special person to spend the rest of my life with. I do have so much confidence and trust that things will work out they way that they are supposed to, whatever that might be.
I am happy most of the time these days. I’ve adjusted to my “new life” in so many ways. I am going out and meeting new people. I really do like women and enjoy being around them. The energy, the conversation and so much more. I go for walks most everyday on the greenbelt next to my house. I enjoy the people that I meet there, even if they are often times only brief conversations. I’ve been proactive on making new friends through volunteer work and other social activities. But now I’m trying to be more targeted on who I am meeting. I’m trying to meet intelligent free thinkers. People who share some of my views and beliefs. People that are involved in paying it forward and in helping others. I feel as if I’m on the right path.
Mac, I could have written your post, except for the two relationships part and the dating. I'm 62, soon to be 63. I've been widowed for nearly 5 years after being married for 27. My husband and I were also intertwined but independent, and like you, I was always OK with being alone (or would have been were it not for my mother's constant haranguing about how it must be something I was doing that I hadn't met someone to marry yet!). Then I met my husband and we were very well suited, despite the problems along the way.
I moved to a new state, new town, after 2 years. I've made a nice circle of friends. I retired from my job recently. I differ from you in that even after nearly five years I have no interest in dating. In fact, the process terrifies me to the point that I don't want to bother. I don't want to have to worry that I'm too short, too fat, too weird, not pretty enough, or what anyone thinks of me. I've found the last five years to be liberating on that front Sure I miss having someone "right there", but I've realized that I don't want "just anyone" to be "right there"; I want someone with whom I have that long-term bond and that's hardly likely. The rest of the process interests me not one iota.
I think posts like yours are important, because they show that it IS possible to have a happy, contented life without "the hunt."
Bergen, when "you're not looking" works quite well for many as you're doing ...
My brother gravitates toward short plump women - his eyes twinkle & he becomes quite giddy. They've all been confident women in one way or another. None of them ever payed much attention to him till he started doing things to get their attention - some to the point of waving his hands - which I always thought was odd since he is a handsome man. I, on the hand, notice naturally bald(ing) men - haven't figured that out yet. Bob-O began balding when he was 21. Old boyfriends are all now bald. They were insecure about balding till men of all ages began shaving their head as well as Bob-O - regardless, of how often I let him know he was gorgeous - an incredible edible! Sometimes, its physical features, others its their personality or how they treat others. Never quite know what attracts others till a friendship develops to ask.
What I do know is you have very good qualities as well as dress nicely from what I have read in your posts & replies. As long as you're content as can be at this point, you're open to allowing good things to come into your life ... :-)
I'm a believer in synchronicity ... :-)