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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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I tend to be a people pleaser but have a feisty side too so some people do get the benefit of my unfiltered honest opinion. I guess because of his advanced years I am showing some restrain, maybe too much though. IfI it happens again he will get my ice cold opinion and hopefully retreat. The problem is that course that as a member of the same organisation it is hard to avoid him all together.

HE should be avoiding YOU if this continues.  If a private conversation has no effect and he starts up again in public, be prepared with a reply such as, "I've told you I'm not interested.  Now back off".  Maybe he'll be embarrassed enough to avoid you after that.  You shouldn't be the one who has to duck out of his way at meetings.  You're not the one in the wrong.

I’m 61 years old, soon to be 62. I’ve been widowed for nearly 6 years, after being married for 28 years. I didn’t know what to expect when I first started dating. I did some online dating. Clients and friends introduced me to their friends for dating. I continue to receive those offers. It has been easy to meet women, but not necessarily the right one. One of my neighbors said to me early on, “Mac, so many men remarry during the first couple of years, but I don’t see you doing that. Cindy and you were such a great couple, but you were both so independent.” I do believe that there is a lot of truth in that statement.

Before I got married, I almost always traveled alone. I didn’t want to worry about anyone else. I wanted to have the opportunity to be spontaneous with the people that I met along the way. I’ve never been wired to feel lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I did feel so lonely in so many ways after Cindy passed. But with time and healing, so many of those feelings have disappeared. Much as I enjoy spending time with others, I cherish my time spent alone.

I’ve been in two relationships since Cindy passed. One lasted 9 months and the other nearly 3 years. I’ve taken a break from dating since my last relationship ended, but I am open to dating. Remarrying and/or living with someone is not as much of a goal for me at this time. I certainly would love to find love again. I think that it would be wonderful to find that special person to spend the rest of my life with. I do have so much confidence and trust that things will work out they way that they are supposed to, whatever that might be.

I am happy most of the time these days. I’ve adjusted to my “new life” in so many ways. I am going out and meeting new people. I really do like women and enjoy being around them. The energy, the conversation and so much more. I go for walks most everyday on the greenbelt next to my house. I enjoy the people that I meet there, even if they are often times only brief conversations. I’ve been proactive on making new friends through volunteer work and other social activities. But now I’m trying to be more targeted on who I am meeting. I’m trying to meet intelligent free thinkers. People who share some of my views and beliefs. People that are involved in paying it forward and in helping others. I feel as if I’m on the right path.

Mac, I could have written your post, except for the two relationships part and the dating.  I'm 62, soon to be 63.  I've been widowed for nearly 5 years after being married for 27.  My husband and I were also intertwined but independent, and like you, I was always OK with being alone (or would have been were it not for my mother's constant haranguing about how it must be something I was doing that I hadn't met someone to marry yet!).  Then I met my husband and we were very well suited, despite the problems along the way.

I moved to a new state, new town, after 2 years.  I've made a nice circle of friends.  I retired from my job recently.  I differ from  you in that even after nearly five years I have no interest in dating.  In fact, the process terrifies me to the point that I don't want to bother.  I don't want to have to worry that I'm too short, too fat, too weird, not pretty enough, or what anyone thinks of me.  I've found the last five years to be liberating on that front  Sure I miss having someone "right there", but I've realized that I don't want "just anyone" to be "right there"; I want someone with whom I have that long-term bond and that's hardly likely.  The rest of the process interests me not one iota.

I think posts like yours are important, because they show that it IS possible to have a happy, contented life without "the hunt."

Bergen, when "you're not looking" works quite well for many as you're doing ...
My brother gravitates toward short plump women - his eyes twinkle & he becomes quite giddy. They've all been confident women in one way or another. None of them ever payed much attention to him till he started doing things to get their attention - some to the point of waving his hands - which I always thought was odd since he is a handsome man. I, on the hand, notice naturally bald(ing) men - haven't figured that out yet. Bob-O began balding when he was 21. Old boyfriends are all now bald. They were insecure about balding till men of all ages began shaving their head as well as Bob-O - regardless, of how often I let him know he was gorgeous - an incredible edible! Sometimes, its physical features, others its their personality or how they treat others. Never quite know what attracts others till a friendship develops to ask.
What I do know is you have very good qualities as well as dress nicely from what I have read in your posts & replies. As long as you're content as can be at this point, you're open to allowing good things to come into your life ... :-)
I'm a believer in synchronicity ... :-)

Mac,
In returning to share, you have given back in providing hope to villagers ...
Hope is a vital sustenance similar to food, water & oxygen ...
Best wishes ...

Sue,
Does the man in question drive?
In the US, it is the civic duty of every citizen to prevent a person from driving drunk - it could include the staff of the events you attend. People can be arrested on drunk driving charges for knowingly permitting a person to drive intoxicated as well as held liable if a death or injury should occur.
My husband was killed in a car collision. I hired an investigator to find everyone that could be held liable to pay for mounting medical bills for my children - hospitals, psychiatrists, therapists, etc. It has depleted the life insurance money. I am still in civil court - days away from Bob's 11th anniversary ...

He walked home.

Oh, good!

Sue, maintain your standards ...

No walking dates or chaffeuring for you ...  :-)

Actually this incident reminded me how easy it is for a widow to be the subject of harrassment, not a victim unless you see yourself that way. Now it is  time for me to strategize to make sure it doesn't happen again. I was very shy as a teenager and I think that is still my default position. So I'm thinking about what I will say or do if this happens again. Best to be armed with some answers which will not offend but get the point across. Thank you for your suggestions.

If you didn't take the harrassment personally or hurt by it than it was merely an exercise in standing up for yourself in whatever manner you saw fit ...

Wow- there are definitely scam artists out there.

Yesterday I set up a profile on Match,com, encouraged by a memoir I'm reading by Joyce Maynard ("The Best of Us"), who met her soulmate 27 years after divorcing her first husband, only to lose him to pancreatic cancer 3 years after they married.  He was a high-powered attorney (has his own Wikipedia entry) and she met him on Match.com.  Did I mention he drove a Porsche boxster? Not that that's a criterion or anything, but I wouldn't mind sitting in one.

So- today I get a message from someone whose account is an upgraded version so even freebie subscribers like me can respond.  Ruggedly handsome, of course, but he's writing for a friend who saw my profile, loved my smile and wants me to be "his special date".  Unfortunately, the guy who sent the message is about to let his subscription lapse, but gave me his friend's name, phone number and e-mail address.

The "friend" is "in his 50s" (I'm 65), widowed, a "farmer/architect", 6'4", smart, funny, all that good stuff.  I can't find the friend on Switchboard.com, even though he's got a distinctive last name, and his area code is several states away.  He didn't get an account himself because he's "not into in-line dating".

Uh-huh.  I'm going to expose my e-mail address (and I do have a spamcatcher e-mail without my name in it) and my phone number rather than go through Match.com.  Yeah, right.  Does the "Widowed" status mean there's a target on your forehead?

It may be awhile before I get up the nerve to pay for a subscription so I can actually contact anyone. 

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