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I am not a kid anymore I am 66.   The last time I dated was 45 years ago.  I am not sure that I want to date yet but am thinking maybe in the next year or so.

In the meantime I need a lot of help in HOW to date at my age. In the '60s as a late teen and in my early 20s I met most of those I dated at dances, I went on Friday and Saturday night around a country dance circuit.  Now if I meet men it is mainly as part of a couple and not as singles.

I don't want to go into online dating or go to a meet up I am not ready for that. But I would like to find someone to go to the movies etc with. 

Tell me your own experiences or where did you find that someone special?

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No matter the age; 16 or 66, the nerves are gonna be high strung.    Last year I met a man not long after my husband passed away.  Too soon?   Not to family and friends who knew what I had been through, I hadn't really had a husband for a long time.    This man is no longer now a part of my life, but we hit it off so well, so much in common, as I said, he's gone now, but he sure was around to help me get over the loss.   I'm not sure I would have done nearly as well if I had been sitting home alone thinking of being alone.    We all need friends; female AND male.     Go, be yourself.   A true man will like what he sees when he finds you.   Those that are looking for the "dolled up dolly" are not real men.

One old male friend has been ringing a lot lately, another called me "darling today. Nothing serious, just Spring.

I am in my third year being a widower and started dating a year ago. I had a great marriage to a wonderful woman for almost 30 years and would like to have a serious relationship again. It feels like I am reasonably ready to move on but it is hard to tell for sure. The problem is that when I start getting close to someone new then my grief flares up big time so then I push away the woman I am dating and look for someone else. Has this happened to any of you? It is very discouraging and I don't know how to get more ready. I want to move on. I don't want to hurt anyone and I am tired of the loneliness. Any comments?

After almost fifty years of being married to the same man I thought no one would be interested in dating me and dating was very, very scary. I decided I would only date widowers. A first meeting, in a public place, around noon, was always my rule. Early into the conversation I would ask how long he had been widowed and how his wife died. It was fairly easy to rule out the ones who were lying.(They didn't make eye contact, stammered, had trouble with details). Widowed people want and need to talk about their experience and loss and it gave us ways to connect. 

After about a year of interesting first dates, the man I'm with now and I found each other. Both of us were expecting a quick coffee and not much more. He told me about his wife's passing through tears. I told him about my husband's passing also through tears. That quick coffee turned into a three-hour lunch, sharing all kinds of family histories. Before we left the restaurant we both knew something different had happened and we've been together for four years.

My suggestion is that you might be too hard on yourself.You are not replacing your wife; you are enhancing your current life. What we have found is that, even now married, we each have those days when grief continues to raise its ugly head. We give each other extra patience and space on those birthdates and anniversaries and the days around them. We've shared our memories and now try to make new ones that are ours. Take care of yourself as you would your best friend and take the pressure off. You will find the right person when the time is right.

A couple of days ago I decided to resubscribe to Match. What I forgot is you have to pay to respond to the messages and likes you get. So I quickly deleted. It kind of freaks me out that you have to pay for this. But I think most of all it just shows me I am not quite ready to become involved with anyone. My days are full with either events and friends or nice alone time with my weaving and spinning. I feel I am just getting into this retirement rhythm.

Does it disturb anyone else that you have to pay for this kind of thing?

Not  at  all! It's  a business  not  a volunteer run  website.  There  is  a  lot of  work  done  to  keep  one  of  these  sites  going.  I  joined  one  I  think  the  third  year out?  It  was  not  for  me.  I  did  correspond  for  sometime  with  I  think it  was three  or  four  men  with  which  I  had  a  lot  in  common  but  they  were  long  distance...I  came  to  realize  I  had  zero  interest  in  compromise or sacrifice in  any  new  relationship  and  as  a  senior  it  would  have  been  both  on  my part.  I  thought  the  fee  was  fair  for the time  I belonged.  It,   like  any  business  is  there  to  make  money.  I  think  someone  told  me  there  are  "free"  dating  websites  but  I  never  checked  them  out. Just  not my  cup  of  tea.  For  many  it  turns  out  good. and  for  them  that's  dandy.   I think  Susan  if  you think  again  you  will  see  the  safety  factor n  paying  for site.  Security and  anonymity  being  two-

Yep, these are all for-profit businesses, even the holier-than-thou eHarmony. I would not overstate the safety factor on these sites, though.  They are full of disclaimers and they are not staffed to verify everyone who signs up.  All of them are rife with scammers who prey on lonely people.  The sites have zero liability for this.  Some sites screen for registered sex offenders, but while that may protect you from predators within the US, it will not protect you from scammers operating overseas.

There is a lot of information online accessible by a simple Google search about the limits of dating site liability, how to recognize a scammer, and so on.  It's important to remember that these are for-profit businesses.  They are not "services."  If people find each other for lasting relationships through these sites, that's all well and good, but their primary focus, as with all businesses, is profit.

I'm not saying that no one should ever use a dating site, just that it's important to keep your wits about you.

A paid site is marginally more likely than a free site to attract a better quality of people, but these fees do not deter scammers.  A few hundred dollars a year to join a dating site is nothing compared to the hundreds of thousands of dollars to be had from people they can lure into their nets.

I meet people in person by joining activities that interest me. I think meeting people online can be dangerous. Some people might have good experiences but I have read about people being taken advantage of. A lot of widowed people are lonely and the scam artists out there know this. Meeting people in person and in activities you enjoy eliminate a lot of risk.. I travel solo and meet many people, and I am very careful about any information about myself. Bob was a very careful man and I never thought about being ultra careful, but since losing him I learned to guard my privacy.

i have never understood why some people expect products or services “for free”, from strangers. People who contact you by phone or email are trying to make a living, they are not giving away anything. I have caller ID and I do not talk to strangers. Peace to all.

I appreciate everyone's words and can begin to accept the fact that you pay for the responses. I will also say it still freaks me out! so obviously I am not ready to go online.

I think I am happy to pay. For some reason, I assume that scammers etc would pick a site that they don't have to pay for...maybe I am wrong. I would be hoping that it would be a case of get what you pay for...Haven't ventured onto one yet. Realized that after six years, I am pretty set in my ways. But...sure would be nice to have a man to go to dinner with, a movie etc. I do those things now, with good women friends, but I think you get what I mean.

Susan, at the moment  I am not looking to go out with strangers so I guess a dating site is not for me. I did go out with the man I used to go out to dinner with occasionally but today it was lunch which suits me better. It was nice but I have realised that things have changed from my perspective now since the last operation. For now  I don't want to put any effort into building a new relationship. Maybe I will change my mind later but for now I am better off on my own.

The man I sometimes go out with is in hospital, I will go in and see him once, I won't go in and see him multiple times. It has not been that kind of relationship, it has to be a friendship, nothing more according to him, so one visit for friendship sake. Of course putting limits on a friendship has it's own limitations.


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